Plan B
by The Liz
Summary: Plan A: Don't read this story. Plan B: Read this SI that is induced by too many SI's and sugar, infested with The Beatles and BRIGHT NEON HAIR. And we all know Plan A never works... Rated for language. Update: Pissed with pink hair and GummiSushi doom.
1. Oh yeah that thing

The small blue bike bumped along the dirt road as I pumped my legs to overcome the small incline in the trail. The sky was a dark grey, threatening to burst open any second, although I didn't really care. Rain had never really bothered me, although riding my bike back to the house might cause some problems. I looked over my shoulder to find that I could no longer see the highway that lay between my current location and the housing complex I lived in.

I hopped off my bike and led it farther down the dirt road to the large iron gate that stood at the end of the road. Adjusting my purse, I climbed up onto the top of the gate and positioned myself into a sitting position. Careful to stay balanced, I pulled out a bottle of Mountain Dew and a bar of Twix from my black hole of a purse.

It was Saturday afternoon and my dad had kicked me out of the house, telling me to go out and get some air in my lungs. Of course, he didn't see when I snuck candy and caffeine into my purse.

So there I sat, happily munching with on caramel and chocolate and enjoying life. Suddenly, a clap of thunder sounded in my ears. I jumped, Mountain Dew spilling all over my jeans and shirt. I waved my arms around frantically in the air, trying to regain my balance on the iron gate.

A small "Eep!" escaped my lips as I fell backwards, the green liquid flying through the air gracefully. I squinted my eyes as if that might help brace the imminent impact. However, the impact never came.

I opened my eyes to see a large neon sign above me, which read "Have a nice ride!" I was plummeting at an alarming rate through a pitch black tunnel, the surroundings punched with random neon signs. My purse strap was tugging at my body and I could see the indent of my Ranma manga fighting the green canvas fabric. The empty soda bottle had long since left my hands however my other hand was holding onto the Twix for dear life.

I opened my mouth to scream but I was cut short by a rather rough landing on something hard. "Jesus!" I shouted as the pain radiated through my body and I sunk deeper into the small box my body had apparently decided to land in. "Aww my head," I muttered as I tried to position myself into a more comfortable position. As soon as I sat up in the hard cushioned seat in the box, I heard a crank as a metal bar latched itself on my lap.

"What the?" The sound of a crank resonated underneath me and I would've leaned over to see what was making the noise if it weren't for that infernal latch. It was about then that I realized that I was moving up a steep hill and I got the familiar sensation of being on a roller coaster. Low and behold, that is exactly what I was on.

I felt the car stop momentarily, only long enough for me to utter one word: "Shit." Then the car plummeted. Now roller coasters had never really been my forte, and this situation wasn't being made any better by the fact that I had just eaten a sugary and easily chucked snack. The car was moving faster than anything I had ever been on, jerking me around violently as it twisted and turned.

I cracked open my watering eyes to see that the track looped over and then… the track stopped. There was no more track, it stopped, ran out, disappeared into the Twilight Zone. Whatever way I put it, I was dead. Death by roller coaster of my imagination. Defiantly going on my list of pitiful deaths.

The speeding car began to climb the loop and my purse hit me in the head. Great, I was going to die with a headache. I was only vaguely aware that the car had left the tracks and that I was flying trough the air to my imminent doom. I looked ahead a saw a bright light at the end of a dark tunnel and knew it was all over for me. What would my family do? How long until they sold all my beloved anime and manga on e-bay? I'd have to tell them to bury me with my Ranma manga although…

My plans for my funeral were cut short by a rough landing. Good news was I wasn't dead. Bad news was I was still heading towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Which happened to read in bright purple neon lights "Welcome to SIC."

Defiantly not the "Gate to Heaven" I was expecting. The car had slowed down to a walking pace, giving me enough time to catch my breath and blink several times. Suddenly a small screen popped up from the front of the car, the fuzz clearing up to reveal a young woman in her thirties. Her blonde hair was pulled up tightly in a bun and her black horn-rimmed glass rested on her nose.

"Good afternoon and welcome to SIC's placement department. My name is Cindy and I will be your guide," the woman said in a fake cheery voice that reminded me of a telemarketer. "I assume you wish to go to the anime division?"

"Uh…"

"One moment please," she said. I heard the distinct sound of long nails typing rapidly on a keyboard. "Short, medium, or long?"

"What are…"

"You'd look best with medium. What's your favorite color?"

"Look, what…"

"Right, pink will do. I assume you want a nice figure?"

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"Extra large, large, average, or small?"

"Listen lady, I don't know what you're talking about…"

"I'd do large if I were you, doesn't strain your back too much."

"What are you talking about?!"

Cindy looked up from the keyboard and looked at me over her secretary glasses. "Creating your avatar of course," she said matter-of-factly.

"Avatar? What the hell am I gonna need an avatar for? And what's this SIC thing?"

"All questions will be answered momentarily. Now all we have to do is place you in a story and we're set." She looked me over quickly when her eyes fell on my purse. "The Ranma universe? Are you sure about that hon?"

"Lady, I almost got whiplash! What are you talking about?!" I yelled at the television screen. Much to my annoyance, Cindy ignored my outburst and continued to type.

"So your headed for the Ranma ½ universe, manga style. Right," she muttered. She smiled and pressed "enter" before turning back to me with the telemarketer look. "You will receive a letter of update upon your arrival including your name, income, and grade. The language barrier has been effectively demolished although there are some rules which will be stated in the letter. Thank you for using SIC and enjoy your stay."

With that the television screen turned off and slid back to where ever it came from. I was stared at the now empty space then groaned, slipping back into my seat. Nothing made sense. Ranma ½ universe? What the hell was that? And what was SIC any…

I shot up in my seat as realization hit me like a hammer. "SI? Self insert? Oh my god, I'm going to the Ranma universe?!" My frantic insanity was side tracked when I saw a small mallet appear where the TV had been. I looked at it curiously when WHAM!

* * *

My head hurt. A lot.

I groaned and lifted my hand to cover my eyes, trying to block out the morning sun that was coming in through the window. But that didn't make any sense, because the last time I checked it was early afternoon. And I sure don't remember falling onto a bed.

Wait a minute… wasn't there that…. I opened my eyes just a crack, praying against hope that…

Nope, I was screwed. I lay on a thin futon in the middle of a bare apartment room, boxes stacked up against the walls and on the kitchen sink. Slowly, I sat up and wiped my forehead. Damn SI people. Too lazy to even unpack my stuff.

I looked over next to me to see an envelope lying next to my hand. It had the name Rizu Arumigufuchi written on it in purple ink. I raised my eyebrow at the name. "Rizu?" I said to myself as I reached for the letter. I pulled out a rather official looking letter with the words Self Insert Corporation emblazoned on the top. The content read as thus:

Dear Rizu Arumigufuchi,

As you've might've guessed, this is your new identity as of your residency in this universe. School will start in about an hour for you so there will be a brief explanation of the rules for the Ranma ½ universe.

Your age is 16 years old. If this is older than your current age, you need not be worried about the learning gap as SIC has taken care of it.

You retain all of your memories from your previous life as well as all of your abilities.

Once your designated series is over, you will return to your original world. No time will have elapsed.

A bank account has been set up under your new identity. The password is your real last name. It should be sufficient to carry you through the series provided you don't squander it.

Other: It is highly recommended that all residents of Nermia learn a form of Marital Arts. 

Thank you for using SIC. We hope you enjoy your stay.

I laughed half-heartedly. "Answer my questions my ass," I muttered under my breath as I stood up, still holing the letter. I sighed and looked around the room. It was a fairly small one room apartment with a small kitchen and a small closet. Kinda like my small brain at the moment.

On the wall hung a school uniform over a length long mirror. But it wasn't just any school uniform, oh no! It was **the **Furinkan school uniform. "You're shitting me," I muttered as I walked over to the outfit. I had never like that particular uniform, it seemed so… fluffy to me. I much preferred a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Not to mention the shoes looked really uncomfortable.

"I could try it on at least," I said positively, taking it down from the wall. I turned my back to the mirror and put on the dress… thing. I turned around to take a good look at myself and squeaked. I didn't really look like "me" anymore. I was of medium height with pink hair. It looked like I'd lost a couple pounds too. Okay, a lot of pounds but I was more distracted by the pink menace on top of my head.

Truthfully, I'd always wanted to dye my hair pink but it just looked so out of place now that I looked at it. "Good thing I tried it here where it doesn't really count," I said aloud, running my hands through it. I shook my head, feeling like an alien in this body. The uniform clashed horribly with my hair and I would've been a whole lot more comfortable if I were wearing my regular clothes. Speaking of…

I walked over to the stack of boxes and searched for a box labeled "clothes". It was at the very bottom of a particularly large stack of heavy boxes. It took me a while to move all the boxes but it was worth the wait.

"Dude!" I exclaimed as I pulled out a pink Hello Kitty shirt. "Jackpot!" Upon further digging, I discovered I only had four shirts, three jeans, and one skirt. I only had two pairs of shoes and both of them were sandals, one a pair of leather "clonkers", the other a flimsy pair of flip-flops.

Yep, looked like I was going shopping this weekend. As for the outfit I was wearing… I discarded it in favor of something more comfortable. Sure I might stand out more than I wanted to, but with hair like mine? Might as well go for the full deal.

I noticed that I had a small black briefcase buy the door, no doubt for my school supplies. So I slipped out the door in a slightly oversized Inu Yasha t-shirt, jeans, and "The Clonkers" as they had been dubbed. The apartment building wasn't that big, only three floors with five rooms to a floor. I was on the second floor, apartment 203, right smack dab in the middle of everything. For some reason it reminded me of the position of a bulls-eye on a target.

I walked down the stairs and almost ran into a young girl who looked my age. She was wearing a Furinkan uniform and looked just a little flustered. "Hey," I said before the girl could run away. "Do you know where Furinkan High is?"

Her eyes swept over my casual street clothing, lingering for a second on the neon fluff the SIC called hair. "Uh yeah," she said. "I'm headed there now. Why, do you go there?"

I nodded. "Today's supposed to be my first day."

She smiled and nodded. "Great, you wanna walk there together?"

I smiled back, starting to feel just a tinny-bit better about being stuck in the anime version of a sex-confused Abbot and Costello movie. "My name's…. Rizu," I said, bowing slightly. It felt kinda funny and for some reason the gesture made me hyper.

"I'm Kotori," the girl said. "Where are you from Rizu?" she asked as we began to walk down the street. Time for some lying on my feet.

"Well, I lived in Japan for most of my life, but my parents moved to the States for a few years. I just got to Nermia a little while ago," I said cheerfully. Now, most of that was a dead lie but Kotori seemed to believe it.

"Wow, you lived in the U.S.?" she asked as we turned the corner.

I nodded. "Yep, yep! I liked it there; it was a lot of fun!" That wasn't a lie. I was doing pretty well with this.

"Why'd you come back here then?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Just felt like I needed to. So here I am!"

Kotori nodded, and then looked quizzical for a moment. "Why Furinkan?"

"Eh-heh-heh, variety?" I stumbled. Her question wasn't really a bad question either, most of the characters transferred because of Ranma. In speaking of…

"So what's school like anyway? Are there lots of fights?" I asked.

Kotori sighed. "Well, not if you don't count the mob that attacks this one girl every morning."

"Oh?" I said, trying to look surprised. "Do tell."

"There's this one girl, Akane Tendo, and **all** the guys attack her every morning, hoping to go out with her," Kotori said.

"What, chocolates and roses don't do it for her?" I said.

Kotori giggled. "No, it's just that Kuno-sempi said that anyone that wanted to date her had to beat her in combat," she said. "It's really stupid if you ask me. I don't know how she puts up with it."

As we spoke, Kotori and I approached the school. It looked fairly normal, nothing out of the ordinary. But I knew by now to never trust looks.

"We'd better get into the building before the beating begins," Kotori said. "Do you know what class you're in?"

"Um, not really," I said. "They never gave me the information."

"Well then I'll show you the office," she said as we entered the school grounds. It was like a male school assembly. Every boy from every club imaginable waited in the courtyard, some standing around looking tuff, some making battle plans, and others were stretching.

"Damn, you weren't kidding were you?" I remarked to Kotori, looking around me. Some of the guys gave me weird looks as I passed but I didn't really care. "Oh my god! Is that the swim team?!"

Kotori looked over to where I was pointing and nodded. "Yeah, that's them." I shuddered, and walked past the boys in Speedo's. There was just something drastically wrong with that, there just was.

"You wanna watch? It's kind of entertaining your first time," Kotori said as we walked into the building.

"I'm not really sure," I said still a little disturbed by the swim team's appearance.

"Oh come on, you're gonna see it anyway," Kotori said. "Come on, there's a better view upstairs."

We walked up to one of the classrooms where all the girls were standing around, chatting about god knows what.

"Hey Kotori!" a girl called cheerfully. Kotori smiled and walked over to the girls, me trailing behind.

"Hey Sayuri," Kotori said. "This is Rizu, she just transferred here," she said, stepping aside to reveal me.

I smiled and nodded. "Nice to meet you Sayuri," I said. Oh god, how was I going to remember that name?

Sayuri's eyes flashed towards my hair quickly before looking at me. "Is that your natural hair color?" she asked.

I sighed heavily. "Sadly, yes," I said.

"Well that's okay, I like it," Sayuri said reassuringly. I knew she was lying but by now I knew the rules of a compliment.

"She's here!" a girl by the window yelled.

"You ready to see something?" Kotori said as we crowded towards the window. I gulped and nodded. I won't look at the swim team, I won't look at the swim team, I won't look at the swim team.

"Hey Rizu, up here," Sayuri yelled over the crowd. Kotori and I fought my way to the window where the girl was standing.

"So what team is favored today?" Kotori said to Sayuri.

"The tennis team has been strategizing all week, but the wrestling team has been training," she said.

"Hmm… so it's anyone's guess huh?"

I watched as the whole mob of boys charged towards the school gate where a small figure was running towards the gate.

Now, it's one thing to read about the soccer club and tennis club attacking Akane. It's anther thing to watch it on TV. But it's a whole different reality to watch it live in front of you.

Of course, with my little mantra running through my head, I couldn't help but watch the boys in Speedo's charge Akane, -kickboards- in the air. Now, I've been on the swim team since I was five, and I've ran with kickboards. Not intelligent. The board creates too much drag, and in their case, leaves their body wide open.

"That… looks… painful," I said as I watched Akane quickly dispatch the swim team.

Kotori turned towards me and burst out laughing. "You should see your face!" she laughed.

I shuddered and turned from the window. "I've just been scarred for life," I muttered.

"Yeah, I try not to watch the swim team," Sayuri said. "Oop, there goes the tennis club."

"So Rizu," Kotori said turning to me. "Seen enough?"

"I think so," I said trying to erase the image of the shame of the swim team.

"Cool, let's get to the office then," she said. I followed her out the room and down the hall. "So are you going to join any clubs?" Kotori asked.

"I hadn't really thought about it," I said. "I was on the swim team at my old school but…"

"Oh don't worry, they're a lot better in the water than they are on land," Kotori said.

"Yeah but can they regain their dignity in the water?" I said flatly.

"I don't think any of the teams have been able to do that," she said. "All the coaches get pretty mad because of all the broken equipment. Here's the office," she said. "I better get back to class. See you at lunch?"

I smiled broadly. "Yeah sure!" I said. I waved goodbye as she left me in front of the office. A warm feeling spread inside my chest, making me smile even bigger. This school seemed almost normal. You know, despite the giant brawl in the morning. And the fact that once Ranma got here, the whole place was going to be flipped on its head.

* * *

Turns out that I was in the same home room as Akane, which surprised me. Most of the SI's I'd read put themselves in Kuno and Nabiki's class.

I stood in front of the class in my jeans and t-shirt, squirming in my clonkers. "Uh hi," I said. I could feel the eyes of my classmates boring into my skull, transfixed by my hair. "I'm Rizu Arumigufuchi. I just moved here from the states, my goal in life is to take over the world, and this is my natural hair color," I said.

The teacher nodded after giving me a funny look. "Would anybody like to ask Ms. Arumigufuchi a question?" she said. A boy I recognized as Daisuke raised his hand.

"Is that your real hair color?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes, realizing that he hadn't been listening. "No, this is my brightly colored minion Flo. He likes to sleep on my bald head."

Daisuke's eyes grew huge. "Really?"

"No."

A few people giggled while Daisuke sulked. "Well Ms. Arumigufuchi, why don't you take a seat next to Mr. Shiro."

I nodded and walked over to my seat. The rest of the class passed uneventfully, almost slowly. Although normally I would've taken this as an improvised nap time, my mind was too busy.

It was quite obvious that there was no way I could get home right now. I knew almost nothing at all about any of this SI stuff. The only thing I could do was wait for information or an opportunity. Preferably the latter.

As for waiting, I'd need to do something! I mean, it was all well and good to be a student in Furinkan but there were a hundred other kids that were the exact same thing and less than half of them were really involved in Ranma & co.'s business. But most of the people involved in that story were insane, a great martial artist, or both. I matched one of those requirements but even there I wasn't that noticeable.

Which lead to another dilemma: martial arts. That option was out for me. I painfully remembered the two years my dad forced me to take Tae-Kwon-Do. That was one of the reason I went back to swimming. However, just sitting on my lazy ass through out the entire thing was also not an option.

But how was I supposed to do anything without Martial Arts? I needed something to divide me, to make me stand out from the crowd besides my hair. But what? All I knew was that I didn't want to be another "Weird Hobby Martial Arts" category.

I sighed. I'd think about that later. Right after I changed my hair color to something found in normal genetics.

* * *

I was really starting to appreciate my ability to read Japanese. Standing in the bathroom, I squinted at the directions for the blonde hair dye. "Directions: Wash hair. Check. Take color packet and rub into hair. Got it." I remember watching my friend Cally Person dye her hair once. I laughed at her then, now I understood. "Okay, I put the color in. Now what?" I pick up the box and sighed. I'd have to wait thirty minutes to wash out this horrible smelling concoction. Whatever, as long as my hair was somewhat normal.

I sat down on the floor at the small table and laid out my homework. Besides the gigantic amount of homework, I'd enjoyed my first day.Kotori and I had eaten lunch together and I was introduced to a bunch of other girls. It felt kind of weird though sitting in the circle of blue uniforms with my jeans and t-shirt.

I decided straight off the bat that the guys here were idiots. Most of them were jocks (not my favorite) or obsessed with Akane (for now).

I never really got to meet Akane. I was sort of quiet all day in class, lost in my own thoughts. Oh well, there were plenty of other opportunities to meet her.

As soon as Kotori and I had parted ways, I went to the bank and withdrew shopping money. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the market area of town. I got a few more outfits like my favorite bright blue spaghetti strap shirt with a dark green mesh shirt to go with it. I bought some food on the way back, enough for the week.

Shopping for hair dye was a nightmare. The "Your hair now, your hair shade then" boxes didn't cover pink hair so I spent a half an hour in that aisle, trying to find the right shade of blonde that wouldn't turn my hair puce. I finally decided on a very light blonde, not enough to change the color completely but it would defiantly tone it down.

Some of this just didn't make any sense though. Not just the fact that I was in Nermia, I didn't even want to deal with that right now. It's just, everything about this SI setup was wrong. Normally, the apartment would already be set up and nice. I'd be in the grade above Akane and soon to be Ranma and just…. The whole thing was just weird. Something in my gut told me that there was something out of place. Although that might've just been the dye that was burning through my skull.

"It burns!" I scrambled towards the kitchen sink, slipping and sliding on the new floor. The cold water ran over my scalding skin and washed the soap down the drain. My shoulders slumped as I sighed. "Well shit."


	2. In Which Not Logic

The next morning I played with my hair. It was still pink, that was for sure, but it was more of a baby pink than neon. Frankly, I liked it a lot better like this so I spent some time fixing it. Finally, I braided it loosely, leaving two strays in front. I nodded towards my reflection and turned back towards my bed.

My Furinkan uniform lay next to my kaki skirt and camo-shirt. Choices, choices, what to wear today? The ugly blue uniform and fit in, or the more comfortable outfit and stick out like a sore thumb? Did I want people to talk about me and my inability to conform to the uniform or did I want to walk around in an outfit that absolutely clashed with my hair? I decided on comfort and put on my skirt and shirt.

I walked down the stairs, kicking out my feet a little as I hummed a Beatles tune. "_Woke up, fell outta bed, dragged a comb across my head_." Today was going to be a good day, I could feel it.

* * *

"Hey Kotori," I said, looking out over the courtyard. Lunch time was a fairly laid back occasion at the high-school, for now anyway. "Do you do Martial Arts?" 

Kotori looked up at me from her lunch. "Yeah sure," she said.

"What belt are you?"

"Blue in Tae Kwon Do. My parents like the Korean style better."

"Does everyone here know martial arts?"

"Everyone except Gosunkugi."

I groaned and clutched my head. "Please, don't ever, ever say that again." Great, I had about as much martial experience as Gosunkugi. Way to boost my morale. "Why can't these people just aspire to a Pokemon Master and be done with it?"

Kotori giggled. "That's what the drop-outs do," she said. "Why, don't you do Martial Arts?"

I shook my head sadly. "No, I've never liked it much. I'm more of a 'make them punch themselves' type of person."

Kotori nodded as though she understood, which I appreciated. "Either that or blow them up," I said.

Kotori chuckled. "Yeah, I've always liked that better too," she said. "Why does it matter anyway? It's not like anybody uses it. Except Akane that is."

I smirked. If she only knew… "Let's just say I have a feeling. It's just, I don't wanna be really different from everybody."

"Rizu, I hate to tell you this but you have pink hair and refuse to wear the uniform. You can't get much more different than that," Kotori said.

Hehe, if she only knew. "Good point. Wait, how'd you know I had the uniform?"

She gave me a dry look and I nodded. "Right, never mind. Stupid question." The school bell rang loudly, signifying the beginning of class. "I'll see you later then."

"Bye Rizu!" Kotori said as I walked back into the building.

Well lunch wasn't a total waste. I now knew that I was a much of a loser as Gosunkugi. Wonderful. Maybe I would have to learn Martial Arts.

"Hey Rizu!" Sayuri said from behind me. "Wait up!"

I turned around and smiled. "Hey."

"Rizu, did you do your physics homework?" she asked as we walked into the classroom. "I lost mine on the way to school."

"Oh yeah sure," I said. "It's in my…" It was at that moment that I had an epiphany. "That's it!"

Sayuri looked at me with a skeptical eye. "What's it?"

"Sorry, I've got to go!" I ran past the incoming students into the hallway, then turned back momentarily. "It's in the science book in my bag. Make sure to put it back!" I yelled to a bewildered Sayuri.

I ran down the hallways, ignoring the angry teachers yelling at me to slow down. I had a destination: The library.

* * *

Kotori's eyes grew big when she saw me at the gate. "Physic's project?" she asked. 

I grunted and adjusted the giant pile of books in my arms. "Kinda," I said. "Just doing a little studying on the side."

"Really? You never seemed to be the extra study type of person," she said as we walked along the street to the apartment building.

"I'm not. I just get kinda bored sometimes," I said.

"Well then, why don't you come down to visit me? It's not like I have anything to do," Kotori said nonchalantly.

I smiled and adjusted the books. "That'd be cool; I'd love to visit!"

Kotori smiled widely, a bit of relief in her face. "Alright," she said.

"Same goes for you, you know," I said. "My place is still a mess but if you need to escape the rents, you know where to go."

"That's good to know," Kotori said, smiling broadly. "I'll see you later then," she said as I began to walk up the stairs to my apartment.

"Yeah, I'll see ya!" I said. A happy glowing feeling filled my chest. I knew why I saw relief in her face; inviting someone over is always a hard thing to do, especially for me. Before I moved to where I was in the real world, it was three months before I had a sleepover, and a year before I went to anyone's house besides my neighbors.

I moved the huge stack of books to my hip and dug into my pocket for my keys. "Good times," I said. But now, I was going to have to study.

* * *

In my world, I was only in ninth grade, so being suddenly promoted to tenth grade was a bit of a headache. I was never in the advanced science mostly because I spent most of my time doodling in the back of my notebook. 

So there I sat, with six advanced physics books on both sides of me, trying to cram at least two years of physics into my easily distracted brain. I was starting to understand what the seniors were talking about when they said they had to re-learn everything for the SATs. Only I had never learned this stuff. However, this was going to be a hell of a lot easier for me than learning some abstract form of martial arts.

"I don't understand," I grumbled as I let my head bang on the table. "How does it work?" I thought back hard to every cartoon I had ever seen, wracking my brain to try to figure out a rule, a pattern, anything! "Comedic physics are a bitch man," I mumbled.

Okay, all I had to do was go over the Ranma ½ section of it. Akane never tried to kill Ranma with a mallet before Kasumi gave it to her, indicating that you couldn't pull out something that you didn't have in your possession. Also, most of the time it was used as a prop in comedic timing, and it never worked when the characters needed it. But I still didn't understand how on earth anime characters were just able to pull big ass shit out of nowhere in the span of a second.

"Scientific process," I mumbled as I pulled out my notebook from my bag.

State a hypothesis: Objects can only be pulled out of thin air when being used as a comedic prop.

Research: Watch lots and lots of anime. I could defiantly do that.

Well, it looks like I had lots of studying to do. Nothing a trip to the video store couldn't cure.

* * *

Over the next few days, I did the tedious job of balancing homework and anime, something I had failed at previously. But this time, I was wasting my life away in front of a TV for research. I had rented several volumes of Rumiko's one and only "Urusei Yatsura", only I had to stop watching it after a while. It only warned me of what was to come. I also rented several American comedies, "The Mask", "Best of Bugs Bunny", "Abbot and Costello"; just to get the general jist of things. 

I figured out straight off the bat that waiting for a comedic situation was not going to be hard here, however for all those serious fight scenes (which I highly doubted I was going to partake in) I needed to be prepared. So how to be able to call forth comedic props? Make the situation a slapstick routine.

Of course this was all provided I could actually pull out stuff from where ever the hell it came from.

The first time I tried to do it was an accident. I was sitting in my apartment, doing my homework when a giant wolf spider crawled up the table and across my –HAND-! I freaked out and pulled a hammer out of nowhere and killed that spider! And my hand, which now had spider guts and legs and eye juice all over it. Ewwww…

My hand was in bandages for two days after, but by some miraculous occurrence, it was fine by the third day. As soon as I could look past the fact that I had spider eye juice on my hand, I tried to recall how I was able to pull out the hammer. I remember that I had borrowed the hammer from Kotori to fix my cabinets. Last I remembered, I had left it by the mini fridge… so that meant it worked!

Over the next few weeks, I spent a lot of time loosing objects around the apartment, creating a comical situation, taking notes, and nursing my wounds from said comical situations. It sucked. I decided then that I really need to try to pull things out without a slapstick routine. The question was how.

So one fine Saturday evening, I put all of my cleaning supplies in the cabinet under the sink, a bucket full of warm soapy water by the fridge, and all the boxes in the closet with my table and bed. I French-braided my pink hair and tied a white cloth around my head. I put on my long rubber gloves, cleaning apron, and dust mask. I was ready.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. First up… the duster! I removed my hand from my back and began dusting the apartment with a vengeance, never stopping to make sure what I actually held was the duster.

Next was the broom. I scurried around the small apartment sweeping like a mad woman, then reached behind my back for the mop and bucket. All in all, the cleaning process took me half-an-hour, and by the end of that half-an-hour, I was tired and nasty. My apartment though was spotless.

Over the next few days, I found the odd cleaning tool in the odd place (duster in the fridge, dust pan in the microwave). I had mastered the call, just not the return.

* * *

The day I met the Tendo's was the day I locked myself out of my apartment. I was working some more on the comedic physics and decided, "Hey, why don't I see if I can call out my apartment keys? Yeah, that's a smart idea!" So I set my keys next to my textbooks and walked out the door, not even bothering to put on my shoes, and closed the locked door behind me. 

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and stuck my hand in my pocket. Not even pocket lint. I reached behind me and what'd I get? Nadda. A few more tries proved to be a fruitless effort. So there I was, outside my apartment in my bare feet banging my head against the door. "Why bang why bang why bang why bang"

Somewhere along the line it occurs to me that I should go ask my manager to help me open the door. Low and behold, guess who wasn't home? I shrugged and walked over to Kotori's house, hoping maybe I could crash there until the manager got back. I knocked on the door three times to no avail. What was this? A damn vacation for the entire building?

"Grrr…" I was bored and slightly peeved. "This shit ain't funny no more," I muttered under my breath. I sighed, and started to walk down the street, not even sure where I was going. I just watched the asphalt pass under my bare feet. The black, hot asphalt, running underneath my sensitive feet.

In my world, I went for walks in my bare feet all the time, so my feet had really tough callous. Not the most attractive thing for a girl to have but honestly, I wasn't really into impressing people. It always seemed so stupid to me, I'd always worry what people thought of me, what I looked like. Bah on that.

But now that I was here, in this new body that hadn't been on a thousand bare foot walks, the hot asphalt hurt. A lot. "YEOW!" I shouted, jumping off to the side of the road. I sat down quickly, trying to keep my feet off the ground as well as my hands. I can tell you right now, I looked like a damn fool, sitting there balancing in the air on my butt while cursing my idiocy.

"Stupid idiot… damn it… stupid, stupid…my poor feetsies."

"Need any help?" a voice said above me. I looked up to see Akane standing there, holding a bag of groceries.

"Uh yeah," I said stupidly. I mean, come on, it was Akane for crying out loud! One of the main characters in my favorite manga series. It was like being saved from a speeding bus by Spiderman, only not as dangerous. "I kinda locked myself outta my apartment," I said.

"Where are your shoes?" she asked.

"In my apartment. With my keys."

"Did you talk to your manager?"

"Not there."

"Oh. It's Rizu right? Rizu Arumigufuchi?" she asked, eyes flashing towards my hair quickly.

"Yeah. You're Akane Tendo, right?" I said. "Aren't you the one that fights through all the guys in the morning?"

Akane sighed. "Yeah, that's me. Hey, are your feet alright?"

I looked down at my two feet, which had still been smarting. "I'm not really sure actually. They're not used to walking barefoot."

"Well then why were you doing it?" Akane asked.

I sighed, still trying to keep my balance. "A slip of the mind. So could you help me out?"

"You forgot that you have sensitive feet?"

I took a deep breath and counted to three. "Yes, yes I did. I'm not as smart as I look. Now can you please help me out?" I asked. The amazing balance act wasn't doing so well by now.

"Oh yeah sure. Here, hold this stuff would you?" she said, handing me her bags. She turned around and leaned over. "Hop on."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're gonna carry me?" I said, a little shocked.

"Sure. There's a doctor's office not far from here. He can help you out, no problem," she said.

"If you're sure," I said nervously, looping the bag around my arm. I stood up, the heat searing my feet, I carefully climbed on her back.

"Are you really sure about this?" I asked. "I mean really, I could walk there…"

"Oh come on, I'm strong enough to carry you. You're pretty light anyway," she said. I had never heard that, ever, and it made me feel really, really good.

Only a few minutes later, we approached the clinic, which I immediately recognized as Dr. Tofu's clinic. "Here we are," Akane said, walking in.

"Thanks, you can put me down if you want now," I said.

"It's okay, really," Akane said as she sat me down in a waiting chair. "I'm just here to help."

Dr. Tofu walked in and smiled. "Akane, it's good to see you," he said cheerfully. I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He was really cute, kinda like the doctor that helped me when I had my concussion. "What can I do for you?"

"Actually, uh, I need you to help a friend of mine," Akane said. I watched her closely to see her reaction to Tofu. Yep, she defiantly liked the man, the way she was acting all demure and stuff. Wouldn't even look the guy in the eye.

"I'm Rizu Arumigufuchi," I said reaching out my hand. He looked at my hand for a second before shaking it heartily.

"I'm Dr. Tofu. Are you from the west?" he asked. I blushed and withdrew my hand.

"Actually, I've been living in the states for a while," I said.

He nodded. "So what can I help you with?"

"Rizu was out walking barefooted and burned her feet," Akane said. Dr. Tofu looked at me quizzically.

"I'm not as smart as I look," I said with a laugh. "Which isn't saying much."

"I see. Well, come on back and I'll take a look," he said. He walked back into the room and Akane held out a hand for me.

"Here, I'll help you in," she said cheerfully. I took her hand and leaned on her while I walked on the balls of my feet. Not fun, but it helped that I had a balanced person helping me.

"Well let's look at those feet," Dr. Tofu said as I sat down. In the end, he told me that I had some pretty bad blisters, so he gave me some herbal ointment and told me to stay off my feet. "And here are some shoes for you to get home on," he said, showing up with a pair of flip-flops. I squealed with happiness and slipped them on. I love flip-flops.

Akane looked at me suspiciously while Tofu just smiled. "Come back if you have any more problems," Dr. Tofu said as we walked out the door.

"Bye Dr. Tofu! And thanks for the shoes!" I said, waving goodbye enthusiastically. Akane bowed and we went on our way.

I quickly walked in front of her and bowed. "Thanks for helping me out back there. I really appreciate it," I said, standing up.

Akane waved her hand nonchalantly and smiled. "It's no problem, really."

"No really, I woulda been toast. What dya say we get a snack? My treat!" I said. I stuck my hand inside my pocket to see how much money I had only to find I had no wallet. "Uh, or at least we will. I kinda left my wallet in my apartment."

Akane laughed. "It's okay, really. Where is your apartment anyway?"

I chewed my thumb as I looked around me. "I uh, live that way," I said, pointing back towards the doctor's office. "Just a little ways from where you found me."

"You live by yourself?" she asked.

I smiled widely. "Yep, s'my little happy pad!" Akane looked at me with a funny look. "Sorry, I'm just a little hyper."

"Riiight," she said as we began to walk again.

I shrugged and stuck my hands deep in my pockets. "So what's up with you and that doc dude?" I asked. "You like him?" I've never been one for tact.

Akane blushed, then looked indignant. "No! I hate men!"

I laughed and clapped my hands. "Amen sister, the guys here are such idiots!" I said. "I mean ahem that's what I think too."

She laughed and switched the groceries to the other hand. "Yeah, I'm not too fond of them either," she said. "I just wish they'd leave me alone, you know?"

"Bah, who knows?" I said, putting my hands behind my head. "Maybe a mysterious handsome stranger will come to town and sweep you off your feet. Then all the guys will have to leave you alone, else they'll get pummeled."

Akane snorted. "I'd rather not have a mysterious stranger. Besides, Kuno wouldn't leave me alone, I know that," she said.

"Is he that idiot in the upper class? The one with the bokken?"

Akane nodded ruefully. "Yes, yes he is. He's the worst one really, I can't stand him," she said.

"Ah, maybe he'll fall in love with someone else, ya know?" I said. I was seriously having fun with this now.

"I wish," she muttered. "Hey, you want to come to my house? It's not too far away," she said.

"Yeah, sure," I said cheerfully. "S'not like I'm gonna get into my house anytime soon."

We continued on our way, talking about things girls talk about: boys (we had some of the same view points although I wasn't a man hater like she was), movies (I only knew anime and American movies), friends (I had no idea who half the people she was talking about were), and just random other things.

I thought it was kinda funny, talking to Akane like I'd talk to one of my friends back home. She was a normal person for the most part, she was just in a really odd situation.

We arrived at the dojo soon after we began talking. I can tell you right now, I was impressed. The only dojo I'd ever seen in person was the ones my brother went to, which were usually in a warehouse looking thing of some type. But this was an honest to god dojo, and what was cool was that it had a house built right next to it. A nice, traditional Japanese house to boot. "Whoa," I said as we walked inside. "Cool place."

Akane walked inside the little shoe area (I still didn't know what it was called) and smiled. "Thanks. It's a nice place to live," she said, bending over to take off her shoes. I kicked off my shoes easily, wincing when my blistered feet touched the hard wood floor. At least it was cold.

"Akane? Is that you?" a voice called from somewhere else in the house.

"Yes Kasumi, I'm home!" Akane called as we walked in. "I brought a friend home too," she said.

I followed Akane apprehensively, not sure where to go in the huge house. She walked into a room that sort of resembled a living room/coffee room to me. Kasumi poked her head out of the kitchen and smiled brightly at me.

"Hello, I'm Kasumi Tendo," she said, stepping out into the living room.

"I'm Rizu Arumigufuchi," I said, bowing slightly. "Thanks for having me over."

"It's no problem really. We're about to have lunch, would you like to stay?" Kasumi said.

I nodded eagerly, knowing that Kasumi's food was as legendary as Akane's was infamous. "Alright, it'll be ready in a little while," she said cheerfully.

"Oh Kasumi," Akane said as she held out the groceries. "Here are those things you wanted."

"Thank you Akane," Kasumi said.

"Uh, is there anything I can do to help?" I said.

"No, no it's fine," Kasumi said. Turning to her sister, she said "Akane, could you go upstairs and get Nabiki? She's in her room I think."

"No sis, I'm right here," a voice said from behind us. I turned around to see Nabiki sitting down at the table, giving me the critical eye. "Rizu Arumigufuchi I presume?"

"Uh yeah," I said, only slightly surprised she knew who I was. I mean, the Info Queen would defiantly know about the new girl with the strange clothes and scary hair.

"Rizu, this is my sister Nabiki," Akane said, pushing her long hair behind her ears. "Go ahead and sit down, your feet must be hurting," she said.

I nodded and sat down awkwardly on the floor. Nabiki smirked at me as she watched me squirm. "So where are you from?" she asked.

"Uh, I've been living in the states for a long time," I said. "I just moved back to Japan a little while ago."

"Where in the US did you live?" Akane asked from my left.

"Mississippi, Oklahoma, Iowa, New York, bout half the country really," I said. It was true really, I had moved around a lot in my previous life.

Nabiki raised an eyebrow at me. "That's odd for a foreign family," she said. "What did you parents do?"

"Uh," I stammered. "My dad was a professer of theater. He just never really like where ever we lived, so we moved."

"So you're pretty used to being the new girl?" she asked coolly.

"Yeah, pretty much," I said, shifting uncomfortably. I really wasn't used to sitting like this.

"I don't get it," Akane said. "Why did you move back to Japan?"

I shrugged. "My dad kicked me out of the house," I said. Why not tell her that? It was true… on some levels. Just not every level. Besides, she was going to find out something anyway, and I figured it should be from me.

"Really?" Nabiki asked, thouroughly interested now. "What happened?" she said.

"Nabiki! It's her business," Akane began but was cut off by Kasumi coming into the room with a tray of food.

"Here we go everyone. Rizu, would you like some thing to drink?"

"Uh no, I'm good," I said. "Thanks though."

"Where's daddy?" Akane asked as Kasumi sat down.

"He's out at the groceries getting some things," Nabiki said as she picked up her chopsticks. "Said he won't be back for a while."

Now, when everyone says Kasumi's cooking is wonderful, they are not kidding. I wasn't really accustomed to Japanese cuisine yet, but I had a feeling that nothing was going to be anything like Kasumi's food. While I was thoroughly enjoying my lunch (beats PB&J any day!) Nabiki commented on my hair.

"So is that your real hair color?" she said coolly.

"Hmm?" I commented through a mouthful of rice. I covered my mouth out of politeness and shook my head no.

"Really? I thought you said it was," Akane said.

"Oh my, why on earth did you dye it pink?" Kasumi said.

I gulped down my rice and laughed. "No, no, I died it blonde to tone down the pink. It was brighter originally, a little too scary for my taste."

"Your hair is pink?" Nabiki asked.

I nodded and shrugged. "Don't ask me, I just ended up like this."

"Any chance it was genetics?" Akane asked.

I laughed and answered "No way, my mom said that my hair is not found in nature! I'm just the odd one in the family."

"Is that why they kicked you out?" Nabiki said.

Kasumi covered her mouth in shock. "They kicked you out?"

I shrugged and continued to eat. "Dad just said I need to get out more," I said.

"So he sent you to Japan?" Akane asked incrediously.

"Nah, I'm not really sure how I ended up here in first place." I would like to point out right now that technically, I was not lying about any of this. I just wasn't telling the whole truth.

Nabiki apparently decided that she had enough information for today, and the rest of the meal was fairly quiet. By the time I was done, I was stuffed. "That was great," I said to Kasumi. "Where did you learn to cook like that?"

"Oh my mother taught me when I was little," she said as she collected the dishes. I already knew the "Mother Situation" in the family, so I didn't press any further.

"Can I help clean up?" I said, trying my best to be polite. I wasn't used to being a guest in someone's house, my parents usually did all the talking and the polite-ness.

"I'll help too," Akane said. Kasumi smiled and thanked us as we collected the rest of the plates and walked into the kitchen.

As I dried the plates, I rocked on my heels, trying to avoid the blisters. When asked about my strange mannerism, my pathetic feet story had to be explained.

"So your manager wasn't home? How are you going to get back into your apartment?" Kasumi asked.

"I figured I'd go back and see if she was back. I think she would be back by now," I said.

"You lost your keys right?" Kasumi said. She reached into her apron pocket and pulled out a key ring with a shiny metal key on it. "I found this out in the living room. Are they yours?"

…

"Well, I feel stupid."

* * *

I lay in my bed and sighed. Today was a really good day. After Kasumi found my keys, I had spent the remainder of the day at the Tendo's just kind of hanging out. I even had dinner there, which I enjoyed. I left after dinner, a little box of leftovers that Kasumi packed for me in my hand. My feet still hurt like hell, but knowing this universe, I'd be fine in no time. 

The one thing that bugged me though were my keys. How on earth did I get a hold of them? Maybe the call had a delayed reaction, a really, really, really delayed reaction. That defiantly wouldn't do, considering where I suddenly found myself resident of. I sighed heavily and banged my head on my pillow in frustration. Back to the drawing board.

Lyrics by The Beatles


	3. Even If I Slip On a Banna!

Over the next week or so, I began to have more of a social life. I would either be hanging out with Kotori or Akane and her gang, when I wasn't trying to call things from "The Twighlight Zone".

That's what I decided to call the alter-dimension that somehow had an infinite amount of space in it. It had almost gotten to the point where I didn't even have to return the object to the cupboards or wherever they came from, I could just stash them in the Twighlight Zone. Of course, calling things from the Twighlight Zone was a lot more difficult than returning it, so I set out to find a way to channel the Twighlight Zone to my needs.

I found the answer one afternoon while out with Kotori. I was helping her with the grocery shopping (a task that is always done quickest in a group) when we passed by a small second hand shop.

"Hey, what do you think?" I said, indicating to the shop. "Wanna go in? Retro stuff rules!"

Kotori shrugged. "Sure, why not?" she said and we walked into the cool shop. It smelled of old clothes and moth balls, and was dimly lit. A teenager stood at the counter, reading a fashion magazine and blowing gum bubbles. I swear it was so stereotypical it was scary.

Kotori and I flipped through the racks, not finding anything of special interest until I reached the accessories. "Oh. My. God."

"What is it?" Kotori said, walking over to where I stood.

"Dude! Check out this purse!" I said, holding up a satchel made of brown canvas. It greatly resembled my old green purse, only this one was slightly smaller. "I so have to buy this!"

"Why do you need a purse? It's not like you'd use one," Kotori said. "At least not one that looks like that."

"Do not let appearance deceive you my good fellow," I said. "Purses like this are a find, especially one as plain as this." I held up the purse high in the air. "Observe the 'blank slate' feel of it, perfect for patches and drawings. Of course, let us not overlook the versatile strap, having the ability to elongate or to shorten. The deep pockets leave much room for packs of gum and or small explosives. This, my friend, is the mother of all purses."

Kotori sighed. "Fine, it's your money."

"And it's _your_ loss," I said.

The purse was extremely inexpensive, so I was a happy little girl. It didn't occur to me till later that evening that I could use the purse to channel the Twighlight Zone. I laughed loudly at the realization, remembering the nickname my friends had given my old purse: The Black Hole.

* * *

"Rizu, what is that?" Akane asked when I saw her the next day. I looked down at my purse and beamed. 

"It's my new purse," I said cheerfully.

Akane raised her eyebrow. "Why do you need a purse?" she asked.

I shrugged. "Just to keep stuff in. It comes in handy," I said.

Yuka, a girl I had met through Akane and Sayuri, ran into the room beaming. "Did you guys hear?" she said.

"No, I haven't heard anything," I said. "What are you talking about?"

"The new guy! He's in the grade above us, and oh is he gorgeous!" she said, swooning a bit at last part.

Akane and I exchanged glances and shrugged. "I didn't see anyone this morning," I said, leaning on the desk beside Akane's. "What does he look like?"

"Oh my gosh, he is so cute! I mean, he's really tall and kinda keeps to himself from what I've heard."

"Yuka, I was new. New people keep to themselves the first day," I said flatly. "What's so great about this guy anyway, he sounds like every other guy in the entire country."

Yuka huffed. "You guys just have to see him to understand," she said. With a faraway look in her eyes, she sighed happily. "He's like the tall dark strangers you hear about, only better!"

I looked at Akane, who was giving me an identical look. We nodded, silently agreeing: Yuka was nuts.

"Rizu, you'll come with me to see him won't you?" Yuka said suddenly.

I started from my position. "M-me? Why me?"

"Because you're more merciful towards boys than Akane is," she said. "And because I can't find Sayuri."

Akane huffed and looked indignant. "I can be merciful too!" she said.

"Well then let's go!" Yuka said, grabbing my hand. Quickly, I latched onto Akane's wrist dragging her along as well.

"If I have to do this, you do too," I muttered to her as Yuka dragged us up the stairs.

"He's in class 3-A I think," she said giddily.

"Hey Akane, isn't that the same class as Nabiki?" I said.

"Yes, I think so."

"So doesn't that mean Kuno will be there?" I said.  
Akane turned white and I laughed as I released her wrist. "See you at lunch hon!" I said as Yuka snapped me around the corner.

"He's in here," she said, slowing down in front of a window. I peered in with her, scanning for the 'dark, mysterious stranger'.

"I don't get it Yuka, where is he?" I asked.

"He's back there, in the corner eating lunch."

I looked back to the indicated area and saw a boy a little taller than me, eating lunch. Not much of a looker, at least not like Yuka had said. "Yuka, I hate to tell you this, but he's not that special," I said.

Yuka shot me a dirty look. "What would you know? I think he's wonderful," she said, a dreamy look shifting across her face.

I blanched and straightened up. "So you wanna go talk to the guy?" I said.

Yuka blushed a deep shade of red and shook her head. "No, that's okay, I just wanted to…"

"Oh no you don't. You dragged me up here, now we're going to go talk to him," I said.

"But are we just going to charge in there and start talking to him?" she asked, a little embarrassed.

"I've got nothing to be afraid of, do you?" I said.

Yuka shook her head, keeping her eyes on the ground.

"Well then let's go," I said.

"Couldn't we just ask Nabiki to find out about him?" she said.

I looked at her like she was crazy. "Uh, no, no we can't. Don't you want to talk to him, you know, get to know him better?"

Yuka nodded shyly, and suddenly smiled. "Why don't you talk to him?" she said.

"What?! Why? I'm not the one that likes him," I said.

"Yeah, but I trust you more than I trust Nabiki," Yuka said.

"No you don't, I'm just cheaper than Nabiki," I said. At least she had the grace to nod enthusiastically.

I sighed. "Fine, I'll go talk to him," I said.

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!" Yuka said. "I'll be downstairs!" she said,runningawayquickly.

"Hey, wait a…" I began but that girl was long gone. I sighed and faced the door. Damn, I was going to have to be social again.

I slid open the door and most of the eyes fell on me, including "Mystery Dude". I walked past everyone quickly, avoiding their eyes although I could feel them boring into my back. I walked up to the guy and took a chair, spinning it around to face him and sat down.

"Hi yah!" I said as cheerfully as I could. The boy's face was a mix of surprise and confusion.

"Uh, hi," he said carefully, as though not sure what to expect.

"I'm Rizu Arumigufuchi," I said, extending a hand. I always liked to shake hands better than I did bowing, it seemedmore formal.

The boy took it hesitantly. "I'm Chimofu Debuneyu," he said.

"So where are you from?" I said, hopefully starting a conversation.

"America," he said.

"No way! Me too! Where in the US?" I said.

"Min-New York," he said. I raised my eyebrow at his trip. The boy didn't know where he was from? I shrugged it off mentally and decided to move onto a new topic.

"Really? I'm from all over the place actually, moved around a lot. I just moved here afew weeksago," I said. "How areyouliking this place so far?"

"It's fine," he said.

I frowned slightly. This boy wasn't much of a talker that was for sure. I could see how Yuka thought that was charming; most of the boys here had the "foot in mouth" problem. Me, I found it annoying.

"Any favorite class?" I said.

Chimofu shook his head.

I sighed. I give up! "Well, it was nice talking to you," I said. "See you later!"

Chimofu watched me leave the classroom then went back to his lunch. Oh sure, a real charmer.

When I went back downstairs, both Akane and Yuka were waiting for me, as well as Kotori who apparently had been filled in on my mission. "So how'd it go?" Yuka asked eagerly.

I sat down at a desk and sighed. "Not so good. Dude isn't that social, but ya know," I said.

"What's his name?" Kotori asked.

"Uh… oh man, I just had it… Chim something… Chimofu I think."

"You mean you don't remember his name?" Akane asked incredulously.

"I'm not that good with names okay?" I said. "So yeah, he's from the states, New York from what he said. I couldn't get anything else out of the guy," I said.

"He's from New York?" Yuka said. "That's so cool!"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah well next time, you talk to him. I felt like a damn idiot, walking in there for only three word answers." I turned to Akane. "Your sister is going to be all over me by the end of the day," I said.

Akane shrugged. "I'm impressed you did it in the first place. I wouldn't have."

"Yeah well, I feel like an idiot all the same," I said.

Kotori patted my head. "That's okay, maybe he was just busy or something," she said. "Or maybe you came on too strong."

"Yeah Rizu, you tend to do that," Akane agreed.

"I swear, and your hair doesn't help anything either," Yuka said.

I groaned and slammed my head on the desk. "Thanks guys. No really, thank you so much."

"Just telling you like it is," Kotori said.

I banged my head on the desk. "Kotori, shut up."

"I don't see why you care that much," Akane said. "It's not like you like him or anything."

"Yeah, so why does it matter so much?" Kotori said.

"Be-cause," I said. "I just went up there and made a fool of myself, and not the way I usually do either. I mean, I tried to make nice with the guy and the dude slapped me down."

Kotori nodded like she understood. Akane just shrugged and went back to her work while Yuka gushed over Chimofu.

* * *

I walked down the street slowly, enjoying the walk as much as I could. My purse hung at my side faithfully, bumping against my hip as I walked along. I smiled broadly as I remembered last night, where I had finally channeled the Twighlight Zone into my purse. Now, as I walked along, I had the satisfaction of knowing that my groceries were waiting for me in my little Twighlight Zone. 

"Have you found a style yet?"

"No, not yet but I'm working on it."

I paused at the fork in the road, just so that I wasn't in plain view of the road. Where had I heard those voices before?

"Look, why did you put me here in first place?"

"Because I wanted to, and for no other reason."

I know I'd heard that feminine voice somewhere, somewhere important. The other, male voice, I barely recognized.

"But Nermia? Of all places, why here?"

"Oh please, you know you like it."

I heard the boy sigh. "Do you at least have any idea of when Ranma will show up?"

Ranma! How did the boy know about Ranma? My curiosity was killing me now, just whispering to me to look around the corner.

"Yes I do," the female voice said. "But I'm not going to tell you."

"Why not?" the male asked, slightly perturbed.

"Because that wouldn't be any fun," the woman said. "Oh my, look at the time! I really must be going!"

"No wait! You still haven't…" But the boy was cut off by a clap of thunder. Knowing that it was probably already too late, I poked my head around the corner.

A boy around my age stood in front a puff of smoke, looking downcast. I had seen that boy before though… a Furinkan uniform. Suddenly it hit me: It was Chimofu!

* * *

I waited patently outside the gates of Furinkan High, humming the theme song to Azumanga Daioh. I had been tossing and turning all night last night, trying to figure out why the hell Chimofu knew about Ranma. By morning, I still had no idea what was going on with this guy and it was driving me crazy! 

By lunch though, all the pieces were starting to fit together.

"So did you guys hear about the new guy?" Sayuri had said, sitting down with us at lunch.

"Oh please don't tell me you think he's cute too," I said in a bored tone.

"No, I don't. I was talking about how he stood up to Kuno," Sayuri said. I raised an eyebrow at this and put down my chopsticks.

"To Kuno? Do tell."

"You'd be better off asking Akane what happened," Sayuri said, indicating the girl approaching us.

"Ask me what?" Akane said sitting down.

"What happened with the new guy and Kuno," Kotori said from beside me.

"Oh that? The guy didn't want to fight me and Kuno got on his case about it," Akane said. "I left before it got too weird but I don't know what happened to the guy afterwards."

"I heard Kuno beat the snot out of him and he's in the infirmary," Sayuri said.

"Oh no, that poor guy," Kotori said, a look of pity on her face.

I had said nothing so far, slowly going over the information in my head. Something about this guy reeked of foul play, but I still wasn't sure why. I had spent all class figuring it out. Finally, I just wrote down all I knew about him and starred at it while the teacher rambled on.

From States

1. In class 3-A (same as Nabiki and Kuno)

2. Knew about Ranma

3. Looking for a "style"

4. Fought with Kuno about Akane… and lost

Like I said, something reeked. I looked at all the facts and finally came to only one conclusion: The dude was an SI. Now all I had to was prove it.

This brought me to my current position. Almost everyone had left school and I waited outside, smiling at people I knew and saying good-bye. Finally, Chimofu walked out of the school, clutching his side but trying to walk tall.

"Don't worry, that'll heal up quickly," I said abruptly. The boy spun around to face me and winced because of it. "Dude, calm down. I just wanna talk," I said.

He looked over my suspiciously, eyes resting on my hair as I had come to expect. "What about?" he asked.

I shook my head. "Jeez, you're not one for conversation are you?" I said walking over to him. "You wanna go get something to eat? I'm starving."

"No thanks, I have to get home," he said curtly.

"Great, I'll go with you," I said.

He looked at me with a skeptical expression. "Are you always like this?" he asked.

"Why yes, yes I am. Now which way do you live?" I said.

Chimofu pointed in a direction. "Great! I'm going that way anyway," I said as I walked up to him. He looked at me sideways as we began to walk but didn't say a thing. I sighed and decided to start talking.

"So I saw you yesterday," I began. I didn't notice any change in his demeanor, which was just a well."How'd you find out about Ranma anyway?"

Now that got his attention. He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at me. "You know about Ranma?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah sure, who hasn't read it?" I said, continuing to walk. If I played my cards right, I might be able to get a story out of this guy.

"What do you mean 'read it'?" he said, walking quickly to catch up with me.

"You know what I mean, otherwise you wouldn't be here," I said. "Well, maybe if you watched it," I said, pausing to ponder that point.

"Who are you?" he asked his voice low.

"I told you, my name's Rizu," I said cheerfully.

"Your real name stupid," he said. I raised an eyebrow at his sudden curtness.

"Well that was nice. If you really want to know its Liz," I said.

"Are you an SI?" Chimofu asked.

I nodded woefully. "Unfortunately, yes. It's because of that stupid SIC that I have this hair, ya know?"

"SIC?" he asked, looking truly perplexed.

"SIC? The place that places all the SI's and stuff?" I said, hoping to jog his memory.

"I was brought here by a witch, not any company," he said.

"So you are an SI!" I said happily. Chimofu's face was a mix of embarrassment and self-loathing. "I knew it! As soon as I heard you fought Kuno, I knew it!"

"Shh! Would you shut up?" he whispered harshly. "God you're loud."

I shrugged. "Whatever man, it's just how I am," I said.

Chimofu groaned and slapped his head. "Oh man, what sort of chaos have you unleashed?"

I raised my eyebrow at this. "Excuse me? What do you mean chaos?"

"I mean," he said, sounding slightly annoyed. "With a mouth like yours, how much do the characters know already?"

Oh no he didn't! "Aww hell no man! All I've done since I've gotten here is make a couple of friends. Which seems to be a lot more than you've done Mr. Silent Man," I said, crossing my arms to make my point.

Chimofu frowned. "Well excuse me for being dumped in Nermia! It's not exactly the most male friendly place in the world!"

I opened my mouth to reply but that comment caught me. He was right, now that I thought about it. Considering that the only main character at the moment was a man hater…

I sighed. "Touché. But don't you think that now that you refused to fight her, she might go easier on you?"

The boy shook his head. "I'm not really sure. I'm just waiting for Ranma to show up."

"Well, couldn't you, like, enroll in the dojo? I mean, it'd put you right into all the action and it's worked for several other SI's."

Chimofu sighed. "I don't really know what to do about that," he said. "Look, Liz? I'm tired and my head hurts. Can we talk about this later?"

I waved my hand dismissively. "Sure, sure, I'll see you later then," I said, walking off towards my apartment. Imagine my surprise when I noticed Chimofu following me. "Hey, didn't you say we'd talk later?" I said.

"I'm just walking home," he said defensively.

"Well, where do you live?" I asked.

"Its right there, don't worry about it," he said.

I looked up ahead. "Dude, that's where I live," I said, indicating to the apartment building.

Chimofu looked at me with a look of disbelief. "You're kidding right?" he said.

"Nope, fraid not. Guess we're neighbors!" I said. "Hey, you wanna stop by my place? I have Kasumi leftovers."

"Would you listen if I said no?" he said sarcastically.

I put my hands on my hips, deciding that enough was enough. "Look mister, all I have done since I met you is try to be nice, but you are making this really hard for me to do. Now, because we're both SI's, I seriously suggest that we make nice and work together. This place can get pretty weird and it'd be better if there were two people on cleanup duty," I said, feeling my temper rise with every word. "Got it, Chim-o-fu?!"

Chimofu, eyes wide, nodded quickly.

"And another thing," I said. The boy looked thoroughly freaked by now. "Could you –please- tell me your real name? Chimofu sounds weird."

Chimofu was the first person I'd seen to face fault, and I can tell you, it was entertaining. "Ow," he muttered as he stood up. "That hurt ya know."

"Dude, you face faulted, not me," I said. "How bout this?" I extended my hand. "I'm Rizu Arumigufuchi, but you can call me Liz," I said.

Chimofu looked at my hand hesitantly before taking it in a firm handshake. "I'm Chimofu Debuneyu," he said. "But you can call me Jim."

I smiled broadly. "Nice to meet you Jhim."


	4. Where's My Waffle Sunday!

Jhim sat down on the floor next to my table. "This place doesn't look much different from my place," he said, surveying his surroundings.

"Gee, you think it might have something to do with the fact we live in the same building?" I said as I opened the mini-fridge. "Ah, here we are," I announced, taking out a box. "Cuisine styled leftovers, straight from the kitchen of Kasumi Tendo." I opened the box up and let the aroma float around a bit. "You, my friend, are in for a treat!"

I brought two plates to the table and laid the box in the middle. "Bon Appetite!"

Jhim dug in with vigor, thoroughly enjoying the cold leftovers. "This is good stuff," he said.

"Yep, even cold it's good!" I said. "You want something to drink?" Jhim shook his head and continued to eat. "Glad you like it," I said.

A minute or so later, when Jhim was done eating, we started to talk. "So what's your story?" I asked. "How'd you get here?"

Jhim sighed. "I'm not sure. One minute, I was just studying for my algebra test when that witch, Shinde, shows up and takes me here," he said.

"Shinde? Is she some sort of Japanese witch?" I asked.

"I'm not really sure, but I'm assuming she is. She sure did look like one," he said. "How bout you? What's the SIC?"

"Well, as far as I know," I said, getting up to get a soda. "SIC is a giant corporation that places SI's in whatever division," I said.

"Kinda like ?" Jhim said.

"Exactly, only a hell lot more surreal. I mean, I was brought there on a giant roller coaster that appeared out of nowhere," I said, reaching into the fridge to get a can of soda. "Downloading the story into a server just doesn't do it for em I guess."

"Really?" Jhim said as I sat down at the table. "Well, how come I got a witch, and you got a company?"

I shrugged. "Maybe the witch works for SI. That would it explain it," I said. "So, what are you going to do about Martial Arts?" I asked, taking a swig of my drink.

Jhim sighed and rested his head on the table. "I've been thinking about that, but I can't come up with anything. I'm starting to think I will have to enroll in the dojo," he said.

"What's so bad about the dojo?" I asked. Jhim looked up at me like I was insane.

"Considering that more than half of the story takes place there, I'd rather look at all my other options," he said.

"Well, you could join the kendo club," I said.

Jhim blanched. "How 'bout not?" he said.

"I still think you should join the dojo," I said. "It'd be like covering the story from two sides."

"Well, what are you doing about it?" Jhim asked.

I smirked and pulled my purse out from a corner. "Check this out," I said, opening up my purse. I reached in and pulled out my Algebra II text book, my notebook, and my pencil, placing them all on the table. "Oh yeah, I almost forgot," I said as I pulled out a tub of vanilla ice cream. "Ice cream?"

Jhim sat there, mouth agape. "What the hell?"

"Comedic physics, advance level six," I said. "Not really level six, I'm not sure it really has levels… but I have gotten pretty good at it."

"So how does this solve the Martial Arts problem for you?" Jhim asked.

"Well, technically it doesn't, but I'm more of a weapons girl so this would solve the problem of storage," I said, pulling out two bowls and spoons.

"What weapon are you going to use?" Jhim asked.

I paused, a dark look on my face. "I…" Jhim leaned in, trying to listen. "Hadn't thought of that yet," I said. Jhim face faulted all over the table.

"What do you mean you hadn't thought of it?" he asked incredulously.

"Oh calm down man, I'll think of something soon. In the mean-time, what are you gonna do?" I handed him a bowl of ice cream with a spoon and proceeded to work on my own dessert.

Jhim took a spoonful of ice cream. "I don't know, but I'll think of something soon."

* * *

It had been at least two months since I discovered the other SI. Life had been going pretty smoothly for me. I had begun to practice sling-shot shooting, deciding this was the easiest and the most fun form of weaponry there ever was. And I wouldn't get arrested. 

The rest of my time was divided between my friends and schoolwork. I never really talked to Jhim, except when we bumped into each other at the apartment's laundry mat or something like that. I'd ask him about the martial arts every time and all he ever did was shrug, then change the topic. I still had the feeling that he was laughing at me silently every time I saw him which irked me to no end. Granted, he had been acting more, well, nice, but there were still sometimes I wanted to throttle the boy.

In speaking of throttle, Yuka practically jumped me when she found out I had him over for dinner.

"YOU DID WHAT?!" was the phrase that I recall.

"Rizu, I thought you said you hated boys," Akane said, a little shocked herself.

"Guys, come on! The dude lives next to me! I mean, _right next to me,_" I said. "Besides, he's just a friend and not a very good one at that."

"So because he lives next to you, you invited him over?" Sayuri said.

"For dinner! My god, y'all are over-reacting," I said. "It was business!"

Sayuri raised her eyebrow at this. "Business? What type of business?"

I sighed. "Look, that's my problem. But I can tell you right here and now, I DON'T want him."

"Wait, you live next to him?" Yuka asked. "Oh my god, I so need to come over!"

So that was solved quickly and easily.

The only problem that I had was waiting for Ranma. I was beginning to think the boy was never going to show.

* * *

One day I called up Akane to ask her about a homework assignment (Kotori wasn't in this particular class). "Yeah, sure I have it. Come on over," she said cheerfully. A voice spoke at the other end that sounded like Kasumi and Akane spoke back agreement. "Hey, do you wanna stay over for dinner?" 

"Yeah, I'll be over in a bit." I said.

It didn't take me very long to walk over to the Tendo's and I knocked on the door, for formalities. "Akane?" I said, poking my head in. "You in here?"

"Out back!" Akane's voice called from the back yard. I took off my clonkers and headed out into the back yard. Akane was on the porch, just tying the belt off on her gi. "Hey, I'm about to go practice with Dad's new student," she said. "You wanna watch?"

"Eh, sure, why not?" I said.

"This is the first time I've sparred him since he enrolled so it should be interesting," she said.

"Nah, ten bucks it'll be like every morning," I said.

Akane shrugged and opened the door and bowed slightly. I did the same (I distinctly remembered my dad yelling at me because if it) and followed her in. It was a nice simple room, like the ones I used to practice in. But my attention was more diverted by the occupants.

Mr. Tendo was instructing Jhim on some sort of a kick (don't know, not particularly interested). When Akane entered, they paused and nodded to her, but Jhim just about froze when he spotted me.

I smirked at him. "Hey Jhim," I said cheerfully.

"Hey," he said, a little shaken that I was there. "What're you doing here?"

"Eh, just stopped by to get some homework," I said.

"Akane, Chimofu," Mr. Tendo said. "Would you like to start?"

Jhim looked at me for a second before nodding. I sat up against the wall and crossed my legs. This was going to be good.

"Begin!"

For a friendly sparring match, Jhim did pretty well although he never once landed a hit on Akane. But that was to be expected, considering who it was he was fighting. Akane was quite clearly holding back but Jhim did block a few hits.

With one final punch, Jhim was knocked on his butt and Mr. Tendo called time. "Good job," Akane said, offering Jhim a hand up.

"Thanks," he said, letting her help him up.

I clapped and stood up. "Yay Jhim!"

"Thanks, **Rizu**," he said. "So why are you here again?"

"I think the more important question is how long have you been studying under Mr. Tendo?" I asked.

"Chimofu here has been studying with us for at least two months now," Mr. Tendo said. "He's getting pretty talented too."

I smiled at Jhim sweetly. "Cool," I said.

Akane looked at me suspiciously. "Hey Rizu, let's go get that homework you came here for," she said.

"Okay," I said. "Good to see you Jhim," I said, walking out the door.

Once we were safely inside, Akane turned to me. "Okay, what's going on?" she asked.

"What are you talking about?" I said.

"You being all friendly with Chimofu back there. And why do you call him 'Jim'?" she asked.

"Because he looks like a Jhim. Chimofu sounds just kinda stupid to me."

"So why are you being so nice? I thought you hated him," she said.

"Hey, I never said I hated him!" I said. "And I could say the same thing for you, Miss 'Good Job'."

"It's what you do after you fight an opponent. You congratulate them on a job well done," she said. "Besides, he's not determined to date me."

"Good point. And besides, I already told you, he's just a friend," I said.

"What are you talking about?" Jhim said from behind us. Akane and I jumped, not expecting Jhim to show up while we were talking about him.

"Jeez man! Give us a heart-attack why don'cha?" I said, clutching my chest. "Sides, weren't you practicing?"

"No, Mr. Tendo told me the lesson was done," he said.

"Oh Chimofu," Kasumi said, poking her head out of the kitchen. "Would you like to join us for dinner? Rizu is staying too," she said.

"Oh, it's okay. I think I'll just…"

"Aw come on man," I said. "Stay with us, Kasumi's cooking is to die for!"

"Yeah Chimofu," Nabiki said, stepping out of the house. "Why don't you stay?"

Poor Jhim looked around him, surrounded by pushy women, I almost laughed out loud. "Uh, sure then, I'll stay," he said.

"Alright!" I said. "Come on Akane, I need to get that homework." And so we left Jhim to the mercy of Nabiki, but only for a little bit.

* * *

"That was so much fun!" I said, stretching my arms. "But man am I tired." 

"Yeah, that was kinda fun," Jhim said, following close behind me. He held a box of leftovers Kasumi had given him, while my leftovers were in my Twighlight Zone purse. "I haven't had a decent dinner at someone's house in ages."

"What about at my place?" I asked.

He shrugged. "It was cold, and _you_ didn't make it." I shrugged and continued to walk.

"Hey, what's with not telling me you enrolled at the dojo huh?" I asked, turning around to face him. "I must've asked you like ten times what you were doing about it."

Jhim shrugged. "I wanted to make a big comeback when I kicked Kuno's butt," he said, with a trace of bitterness.

I rolled my eyes. "I swear, what is it with boys? They just can't lose or something," I said.

"No, I just don't want to lose to an idiot like him," Jhim said.

I shrugged. "You know what? I've spent half a year here and I still haven't run into the guy," I said. "Hell, I haven't even seen him much."

Jhim looked at me sideways and raised his eyebrow. "Are you serious? You haven't even talked to him?" he asked.

"Yep, although I'm not counting on it lasting much longer," I said. My luck was never that good. "Speaking of, how long do you think it'll be till Ranma gets here? I'm tired of waiting."

Jhim sighed. "Yeah, but I'm enjoying the calm before the storm," he said. "I haven't been here as long as you have. I'm still training." He sighed and held his head. "What are you using for a weapon now a days?" he asked.

"Huh?" I said. "Oh, I'm using a sling-shot."

"A sling-shot?" he asked. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious. I've been working on my aim at home," I said. "Don't worry Jhim, I know what I'm doing."

Jhim winced. "Look, Liz, we need to work something out. I'm Chimofu now, and you're Rizu," he said. "So it would be highly appreciated if you started to call me Chimofu when we're in public okay?"

I sighed. "But, Chimofu sounds so silly! Besides, no one's gonna care if I call you Jhim, heck everyone else might start calling you Jhim. Wouldn't that be nice?" I said.

Jhim shook his head. "How _old _are you?" he asked.

"What, like in the real world?" I said. "I'm fifteen."

"Of course," he said. "All the stupidity of a freshman."

"And you have all the arrogance of a senior," I retorted.

"I'm not a senior, I'm a freshman in college," he defended.

"So then, didn't you just call yourself stupid?"

Jhim stopped for a second, then shook his head. "No, I was referring to the idiots in high school."

I gritted my teeth. "Look man, I'm _really_ starting to dislike you again. Just because you're a few years older doesn't mean you're any better than me, got it?"

Jhim cocked an eyebrow at me again. "You're weird you know that? One minute you're happy, then the next you're really pissy."

"Heh, blame it on the raging hormones," I said as we approached the apartment building. "I just really don't like it when people act like they're better than me because they're older than me. Just strikes a cord with me."

"If you want people to treat you like you're older," Jhim said. "Then act like it."

"I never said I wanted people to treat me like I'm older," I said as we began to walk up the stairs. "I just said I don't like it when they act like they're _better_. There is a difference, at least to me."

"Whatever," Jhim said, shaking his head. We walked up to our respective doors and fumbled for keys.

"I'll see you tomorrow then," I said.

"Yeah, see ya," he said.

"Hold on." Jhim looked back at me as he was walking into the apartment. "Call me if you find out anything about Ranma."

Jhim nodded and then closed the door. I walked into my apartment and switched on the lights. Sometimes, I just wish that guy had more tact. If he didn't change his tune soon, I was going to have to take up Akane's mallet-happy ways of negotiation.

* * *

Sunday morning quickly turned into Sunday afternoon for me as I slept through it. I was rudely awakened by a clap of thunder right outside my room. Slowly but surely, I rose from my bed and walked over to the kitchen. I started the coffee maker and walked over to the window. The rain was pouring down in torrents, making it almost impossible to see down to the street. 

But I could see the street. What I saw wasa giant panda running down the street after a small girl, around my age from what I could tell. They paused in the street to spar for a moment, before the panda knocked out the girl, slung her over it's shoulder, and left.

I stood at the window until I heard the little coffee maker beep, bringing me back to reality. I shook my head as I poured myself a mug of coffee. It was too early for this.

* * *

**KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK**

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I said, dropping the book I was reading. It was still raining hard, and I had decided to just hang around the apartment in my pj bottoms and slippers.

I opened the door to a very wet and slightly annoyed Jhim. "He's here," he said. "Ranma's here."

"Didcha see him?" I asked, letting Jhim into the apartment. "Where was he?"

"Technically, he was a she," Jhim said, taking off his shoes and wet socks. "And she was unconscious, strung over a panda's shoulder."

I walked over to the cabinet and turned back to Jhim. "You like coffee?"

Jhim nodded and sat down at the table. "I was out shopping in the district when I saw Gemna walking by with Ranma hung over his shoulder," he said. "Didn't look like he was in much of a hurry either."

"Figure he knocked Ranma pretty good eh?" I said, pouring coffee into two mugs. "How do you like your drink?"

"One sugar pack, a little cream," he said. I nodded and added said ingredients. "Anyway, I figure he'll be in school tomorrow."

"Yep, if Akane doesn't kill him," I said. Suddenly a thought hit me. "Hey, do you think we could stop Akane from walking in on him?"

Jhim seemed to ponder the option before shaking his head. "No, I think we better let things play out. Something's gonna screw it up anyway, wither we stop it or not."

I sighed and mixed some chocolate syrup into my coffee. I was still not used to drinking this stuff all the time but was determined to like it. "I figured you'd say that." I walked over and handed him his mug and sat down across from him. "So what are you gonna do? With Ranma around, do you think you can get revenge on Kuno that easily?"

Jhim shook his head. "No, that's gonna have to wait. I'm not even close to his level yet, and it's gonna get really hectic around here anyway."

"Well, don't you think you should strike now?" I said. "I mean, before he gets any better?"

Jhim's face portrayed his frustrated emotions. "I'll get him back. Don't worry about it."

I smiled. "Dude, I hardly worry about anything."

Jhim took a drink and sighed happily. "This is good stuff."

"I'm glad," I said, drinking some of the hot liquid. I could feel the muscles in my face twitching from the flavor. At least it had chocolate.

Jhim noticed my face spasm and laughed. "Not used to coffee?" he said. "Why are you drinking it?"

I glared at him. "Shut up."

"Trying to act older?" he said teasingly. Oh, don't I wish I had a mallet!

Trying to change the subject, I put down the mug. "I'll call Akane tonight to see how things went."

"You're going to call her?" he asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

I waved my hand as if clearing the air. "Relax man, I'm not gonna do anything that'll screw up the plot like you said. I just wanna hear what happened from her point of view."

"You know what happened through her point of view," Jhim said dangerously.

I looked him in eye and frowned. "Look man. Akane's my friend and after a night like this, she's gonna want someone to vent to."

"Are you sure she'll talk to you?" Jhim said.

"No, but I'm gonna try anyway."

Jhim shrugged although he still looked like he was against the idea. "It's not like I can stop you," he said.

I smiled broadly. "Now you're getting it!" I said. "You ready for tomorrow?"

Jhim looked at me and smiled. "As ready as I'll ever be."

I raised my mug in the air and Jhim did the same. With a clink of mugs, I announced "Here's Ranma!"

* * *

When I first read the series, I really didn't like Ranma because I thought he was being a jerk to Akane. I guess it was the fact that I was a girl that made me think that Akane was the one in the right. But after reading lots of fanfics and lots of summaries, I reread the story and discovered that Akane was also in the wrong. So, no matter what Jhim had said, I was going to call her and try to get her to forgive Ranma (or at least like him a little). Although I had some serious doubts it was going to work. Hell, I knew it wasn't going to work, even if she did tell me what was going on. 

That night around nine, I picked up the phone and dialed the Tendo's. Kasumi was the one to answer it. "Hello, Tendo residence," she said cheerfully.

"Hi Kasumi, its Rizu. Is Akane there?" I said.

"Yes she is. Just a second," she said. I could hear her calling Akane to the phone and soon I heard the ever cheerful voice of Akane.

"Hello?" she said, veiled anger lining her voice.

"Hey Akane, how's it going?" I said cheerfully.

"Fine," she said begrudgingly. "Couldn't be better."

"You don't sound fine," I said. "Something happen?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Akane said angrily.

"Okay, you don't have to," I said. "So how was your day?"

"I swear it's not like it's my fault or anything!" Akane said. I smiled to myself. I wasn't sure that trick would work.

"What's not your fault?" I said innocently.

Akane huffed angrily. "It's so stupid. Dad's friend dropped by today with his **son**." She spat out the last word with venom attached. "God, he's so stupid!"

"What'd he do?" I asked.

"He just… argh!"

I sat down against the wall. This was going to take a while. "Hon, take a deep breath. Don't have a cow."

Akane sighed on the other end of the phone. "Fine, fine," she said, still a little angry.

"Now tell me without going loco, what happened?" I said.

"It's just, this guy is so stupid!" she said.

"How is that different from every other guy you talk about?" I said. "When you talk about them that is."

There was a long pause at the other end, as if Akane were debating telling me something. "You can keep a secret right?" she said quietly.

"Yeah, but are you sure Nabiki won't hear you?" I said.

"She already knows," Akane said. She took a deep breath. "The pervert saw me."

I raised my eyebrow although I knew she couldn't see me. "Really? How'd that happen?"

"I kinda walked in on him," she said quietly.

"Doing what?" I asked, a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

"He was taking a bath!" she said defensively. "I didn't know he was in there and I was going to take a bath…" She trailed off.

"Oh, so that's how it happened. Didcha smack him?" I said.

"No! I was too afraid!"

I scoffed. "You? Afraid of a guy? Get outta town!"

"Oh shut up, it gets worse!" she snapped.

"Worse? How could it get worse?" I asked. I already knew of course but Akane didn't know that.

"I'm engaged to the pervert!" she snapped.

I fake gasped. "You're kidding me!"

"No! My dad and his dad arranged it before I was even born!"

"That's so not cool!"

"I know!" Akane sighed. "But they're not backing out. I'm stuck with this guy until I can think of a way out of it."

I sighed, then smirked evilly. "Is he cute?" I couldn't resist.

"No!" was her automatic reply. "Well, I guess so, I wouldn't know. I was sort of distracted."

"By what?" I said, my voice suggesting something I knew she didn't mean.

"Not that!" she burst. "What are you thinking?!"

I laughed. "Sorry, it was there. But really hon, don't you think you should make nice with this guy?" I said. "I mean, you're gonna be his fiancé until further notice. You could at least try to get along."

"With that pervert?! No way!"

I sighed. Oh well, I tried. "Hey, why don't you go take a bath or something? Calm yourself down, ya know. You're way too stressed," I said.

Akane sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Hey, you won't tell anyone about this will you?"

"Cross my heart and hope to get engaged." Akane laughed half heartedly at my attempt at humor.

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

"See ya! And try not to mutilate him before we get a look at him," I said.

"I'll try."

With that, I hung up and banged my head against the wall. Trying to reason with a pissed off girl was always an energy draining job. But at least the story was in motion. I laughed bitterly when I realized something. I just guaranteed that Ranma was going to walk in on Akane.


	5. I Shall Name This Chapter Wallpaper!

Kotori was waiting for me at the foot of the stairs. "Another fun day of school, huh?" she said sarcastically.

"You bet!" I said. Kotori looked at me suspiciously.

"What are you up to?" she said slowly.

I threw my hands up in the air. "Nothing, I swear! I'm not planning anything… yet," I said with an evil expression.

"Uh-huh."

I heard a slam behind me and looked around to see Jhim walking down the stairs, his bag slung over his shoulder. "Hey Jhim! Come on down!"

Jhim looked up at me and gave me a "what are you up to" look. I rolled my eyes and motioned him down. "God, y'all are acting like I'm a felon or something!"

Jhim joined us and I made the introductions. "Jhim, Kotori. Kotori, Jhim."

Kotori bowed slightly then looked at Jhim quizzically. "Isn't your name Chimofu?" she said.

Jhim gave me a look of death then faced Kotori. "It is, but –she- insists on calling me Jim," he said, jerking his head in my direction.

Kotori laughed. "Yeah, she can do that. _You _haven't gone shopping with her yet."

Jhim chuckled. "And I hope never to."

"Well I'm glad to see you guys are getting along," I said sarcastically. "Now we better get going or else we'll get caught in the slaughter."

"Right, right," Kotori said as we started off, me in the lead.

"So what did she do when you were shopping?" Jhim said to Kotori behind me.

"Oh you wouldn't believe this girl! I swear, she was skipping down the street and pantsed one of the mannequins…"

That's how most of the conversation to school went, with interruptions from me to defend myself. The good thing was that Jhim was getting along with Kotori, the bad thing was most of it was making fun of me. Way to feel the love.

"Hey y'all, I hate to interrupt this little conversation, but we're here," I said as we approached the school.

We walked through the large crowd of boys, most of them eyeing Jhim suspiciously as we went along. "I better get upstairs," Jhim said. "Good to meet you Kotori."

"Good to meet you too," Kotori said.

"Uh, Rizu," Jhim said as Kotori and I walked away. "Can I talk to you about something?"

I turned to Kotori who nodded towards Jhim. "I'll see you in class," she said, walking away.

"What's up?" I said, walking up to Jhim.

"Did you call her?" he asked, keeping his voice low.

"Yep, and he's definitely here," I said.

Jhim nodded. "Good," he said. "You'll be sure to tell me what happens after school?"

I waved my hand in the air. "Relax, I got it covered."

"Right," Jhim said. "I'll see you later."

"Bye bye!" I called after him.

That's when it hit me: I was in Ranma and Akane's homeroom class. God have mercy on my soul and sanity.

* * *

"She's here!" The majority of the classroom headed to the window, peering over heads and ponytails to see the show. 

I turned to Kotori who was sitting across from me doing her homework. "Hey," I said. "You wanna check it out?"

She looked at me with surprised eyes. "I thought you didn't like watching the fights," she said.

"Eh, I figure the swim team's out of commission by now," I said.

"You go, I've got to finish this paper," Kotori said, her attention going back to her paper. I shrugged and pushed my way to the front of the crowd next to Yuka and Sayuri.

"Hey Rizu, don't usually see you up here," Sayuri said.

"Just bored," I said. "Who's favored for today?"

"Uh, I think it's the baseball team," she said.

"Go Akira!" Yuka yelled from beside me. "Get that girl!"

I turned to Sayuri with a quizzical eye. "New crush," she said. I nodded and turned back to the fight.

"Wait, doesn't that mean she's cheering him on to date another girl?" I asked suddenly.

"I don't question her logic anymore," Sayuri said. I nodded, deciding to take Sayuri's advice. I scanned the crowd for Akane, although it wasn't that hard to find her. Just follow the large mass of boys and she'd be in the middle.

On the wall surrounding the school sat Ranma Saotome, watching Akane like he was watching a mystery show.

"Ranma!" I heard Nabiki call from the window above us. "Get inside this school! Now!"

"But, but," Ranma yelled back, pointing down to Akane.

"Don't worry about Akane!" Nabiki yelled.

At that time, Akane had conveniently finished her fight with the mob. As she stood among the fallen boys, she tossed her hair behind her shoulder. I watched as Kuno approached, tossing Akane a rose.

I laughed at Kuno, having never really seen this fight before. "_I know you'd like to think you don't stank,_" I sang under my breath. "_But lean a little bit closer, see that roses really smell like po-ooo-ooo(1)._"

Sayuri looked at me like with a cocked eyebrow. "What are you singing?" she asked. I laughed loudly, clapping my hands.

"It's nothing, really," I said between giggles. "Let's watch the show," I said, directing her attention back to the scene below us.

Kuno was pointing his sword accusingly at Ranma, and his brash words could be easily heard from where we were. "Who are you boor?! But it is the custom to give one's own name first! Fine then! Mine I shall give!"

I was about to double over in laughter.

"My name is blah blah blah blah Captain of the blah blah blah Undefeated blah blah of the high school blah world. But my peers call me… The BLUE THUNDER of Furinkan High!"

I heard the girls around me consulting each other. "Blue Thunder?" "Since when?" "I thought it was the Red Tiger." I wiped a tear from my eye as I continued to watch the fight.

Ranma said something I couldn't hear, but it got a reaction from Kuno. "What?! Under the same roof as Akane?!"

"What do you think he meant by that?" Sayuri said to me. I shrugged, muttering a "I don't question."

Ranma tossed his bag to Akane and took a fighting stance when I felt something drop on my head, a crumb as I soon discovered. I looked up to see Jhim and some boy watching the scene, and the boy was eating chips.

"Hey!" I yelled. "Watch where you're dropping that stuff!"

The boy looked down and blushed. "Sorry," he yelled. "Didn't mean to."

Suddenly there was a clap of thunder over our heads. Several girls shrieked and a bag of chips fell on my head. "What the?" The greasy chips fell out of my hair although a few crumbs were caught in my French braid. "HEY!" I yelled, facing the window above me. But the boy was gone, although I could see Jhim laughing at me.

"JHIM! I'm gonna kill you!"

The boy who was eating the chips stuck his head out and smiled shyly. "I'm sorry about that," he yelled. "Are you hurt?"

Oh sure, I could get hurt by a bag of chips. "No, I'm fine," I yelled. I could feel the rain drops begin to fall on my head so I ducked inside. Kotori was stifling the giggles that threatened to erupt.

"Oh shut it," I muttered. I undid my hair and shook it out, hopefully getting rid of the crumbs. "Oh man, its sour cream and onion. Now my hair is gonna smell like mango and onions."

"Oh my god Rizu!" Yuka said as she ran up to us. "You so totally missed it!"

"What are you talking about?" I said as I ran my fingers through my hair.

"The new guy, he almost beat Kuno!" she said excitedly. She looked like an excited little school girl. Oh wait, she was.

"So?" I said. "Akane beats him everyday."

"So?!" Yuka exclaimed. "If he can beat Kuno, than he can beat Akane and that means she might have to date him!"

"But he _almost _beat him." I said. Turning to Kotori I asked, "Hey, is my hair nasty?"

"Nah, you should keep it down for once," she said.

"I don't think you guys are grasping the direness of the situation," Yuka said. "If Akane dates this guy, that means all the other girls finally have a chance with the guys."

I nodded. "S'good point. But like I said, he almost beat him."

"But it's still a pretty big deal," Sayuri said, walking up to us.

"What happened to the guy anyway?" Kotori asked. "Was he limping away from the battle field?"

Sayuri shook her head. "No, as soon as it started raining, a panda showed up and took him away."

"A panda?" Kotori asked sarcastically. "You can't be serious."

Sayuri shrugged. "I'm just telling it like it is."

Kotori rolled her eyes and looked towards the clock. "I better go," she said. "I'll see you at lunch?"

"Yep," I replied cheerfully.

Yuka looked around the classroom. "Where's Akane?" she asked. "She's not usually late."

Sayuri looked around too with a worried expression on her face. "No kidding. I didn't see her after the fight either."

"Aww," Yuka said. "I wanted to ask her about that guy."

I smirked. "Hon, I have a feeling he's already taken."

* * *

"Hmm," the teacher said, adjusting his glasses as he looked at Ranma's transfer papers. "Well, it does seem to be true that you were in China until recently." 

Ranma Saotome stood at the front of the class room, hands behind his back with a more or less blank look on his face. I have to say though, dude was hot. I don't mean he was cute either, Ranma was a certified hottie. I blushed heavily at the thought, remembering that this was a **cartoon character** that also had three fiancées. I never did the anime fangirl thing well.

"But that doesn't change the fact that you and Akane Tendo were late," the teacher said. "Go stand in the hall!"

Akane angrily stood up and followed Ranma out into the hall. I sighed and leaned back in my chair. As we opened our biology books (fun fun), I sighed. Waiting for Kuno was going to be a bitch.

Time stretched on slowly and my eyes dropped. I hate biology more than life itself (ironic huh?) and my mind was threatening to shut down. I heard slightly raised voices outside the classroom and strained my ears to listen, but only caught the occasional insult. If Kuno didn't come soon…

"Yah!!"

Thank God.

"Never, Ranma Saotome!" The whole class was thoroughly interested now, all heads turned toward the hallway.

"I shall never accept your engagement to Akane!"

Desks erupted as everyone scrambled towards the window. "What?! Engagement?" one of the boys yelled indignantly.

"How could you Akane!" Sayuri exclaimed.

"And you said you hated men!" Yuka added.

I sighed as Akane and Ranma made the usual defensive comments. Quickest way to see the Not!Fight was to head towards the door, so I made my way towards the exit.

"Stand your ground!" Kuno yelled.

"This is no place to fight!" Ranma yelled back as he began to run. "Follow me!"

Perfect timing, as the crowd of students stormed out the door, I was already out and following Akane.

"This is great!" someone said.

"Yeah, and the winner gets to date Akane!" Yuka said.

I laughed as Akane blanched. "What do you think Akane?" I said. She shot me a death look as we followed the boys.

"Hey!" the gym teacher yelled. "Don't run in the hall!"

"Yes sir!" Akane yelled as we continued to stampede down the hall.

"Let's get outside!" Ranma yelled. "Follow me!" He jumped out the window and Kuno followed. If it were me, I would have paused considerably if my opponent jumped out the window, but hey! This was Kuno.

"Hey, this is the third floor," the gym teacher yelled angrily at Ranma and Kuno.

I just about died laughing when Ranma saw the pool beneath him.

"Buffoon!" Akane yelled.

SPLOSH

"Look, Kuno's coming up!"

I could see Akane searching the water for Ranma. Slowly, Kuno's body began to move towards the edge of the pool and Akane looked slightly relieved. That is until Kuno started thrashing around.

"GYAHHH!" I winced at Ranma's exclamation. That didn't sound like fun. Akane look horrified.

The cry of "Pervert!" rang from the pool as Ranma grasped Kuno's head and slammed him on the pool deck.

I swallowed my laughter and tapped Akane on the shoulder. "There's hot water and towels in the janitor's closet," I said to her. "He might wanna warm up after that fun little swim."

"Right," Akane said as she snuck away.

I sighed. Oh man, Jhim was going to kill me for that.

* * *

"You said what?!" 

Hey, whadda ya know? I was right.

"I just told her that the towels and hot water were in the janitor's closet," I said as I leaned back. "I didn't say 'Hey, your sex changing fiancée could use some hot water so his curse can be triggered,' now did I?"

"You might as well!" Jhim yelled. We were inside my apartment, my text books strewn across the table. Jhim had come over a little after school had let out to find out what happened ("But you already know." "So what? You did it too.") and to steal some more Kasumi leftovers.

"Dude, calm down okay? God, you'd think I'd told them the entire plot," I said.

"Wouldn't put it past you," Jhim muttered.

"I heard that, moron!" I yelled, sitting up again. "Look, they're gonna find out we know eventually."

"Yeah, but not on the first day!"

"Oh shut up, don't you have practice today?

Jhim sat back on his hands and sighed. "Yeah, I do."

"Well then I'll come with you," I said.

Jhim shot me a dirty look. "How do I know you won't tell?" he threatened.

I threw my hands up in the air, exasperated. "God, would you let it go? I'm not that stupid, even I know when to shut up!" I pointed a finger accusingly at Jhim. "Do not think that just because I'm a fifteen year old girl means that you have _anything _over me. I'm just as intelligent as you are, and a hell of a lot more polite."

"Well then act like it!"

"You know what your problem is?" I said loudly. "You are way too uptight about this. We are stuck in the Seinfeld episode from hell and news flash! I don't think anything we say or do is going to affect this place."

"How can you be so small minded?" Jhim shot back. "This isn't a book anymore Liz, this is real with real people. Everything you do has an effect on someone."

"Would you at least trust that I know what I'm doing?"

"No, not with a stunt like that today."

"It wasn't a stunt, damn it!"

"You know what?" Jhim said, standing up. "I have to go."

I growled. "Whatever. I'll see you later."

"Bye," he said coldly. With a slam of the door, he left and I never felt more pissed. Perfect time for target practice.

* * *

My aim improved considerably that night. However, my mood didn't want to follow. 

Jhim was right on some level, we were dealing with real people now. I considered Akane a friend now, and I definitely wouldn't have a book character for a friend if I were in the real world. All of my friends could feel emotions and say things that were on their mind. Sayuri and Yuka, two background characters in the story, suddenly had personalities.

But I still believed that Jhim was taking things way too seriously. I mean, it was Nerima! You couldn't get much more anti-serious.

I spent much of the night listening to a Beatles CD and writing in my notebook. When I had too much to think about I wrote it all down in the form of list, rants, and unintelligible paragraphs. Whichever one I felt like.

Around eight, a knock was heard against my door. I get up and looked out the peep hole to see Jhim. I opened the door and stood in the doorway. "Hi."

"Uh, hey," Jhim said. "I got burgers," he said, holding out the Wac Donald's bags. I smiled slightly, and then blushed when my stomach grumbled. I guess I had been too angry to notice I was starving.

"Come on in man," I said, stepping out of the way to let him in.

We sat down at the table and he distributed the burger and fries. "You can pick off the stuff you don't like," he said.

I nodded. Well this was awkward. "You want something to drink?" I asked.

"Nah." I nodded and took a fry. "I wanted to apologize," he said suddenly. "I haven't been the nicest guy lately."

No kidding, ya think? "S'okay," I said. "I could be less 'in your face'."

"Yeah well, I kinda think we should work together," Jhim said. "Better than we have been anyway." I nodded in agreement. "We're both SI's and knowing this place, we really are going to need to stick together."

"Exactly." Wasn't that what I said in the first place? Oh well, don't question if it works for ya.

"But you need to be more careful," Jhim said. "If they found out what we were, who knows what would happen."

I sighed. "Yeah, about that," I said, scratching my head. "I've never been a good one for apologies," I muttered shyly. "But you're right and I'll do better next time, I promise."

Jhim smiled and picked up a fry. "That's all I'm asking."

We ate our meal in relative silence until I started to laugh.

"What is it?" Jhim asked.

"If we could get Ranma and Akane to sit down like this and make nice," I said through giggles. "Our lives could be so much easier!"

Jhim chuckled and before we knew it, we were clutching our sides in pointless laughter.

* * *

"So Akane," Yuka said quietly. "What's up with that Ranma guy?" It was the next day, around lunch time. Yuka, Sayuri, Akane and I were all sitting together in a group of desks, Ranma sitting not too far away from our group. I was eating a happy peanut butter and jelly sandwich while everyone else had a happy lunch box of home made food. I still like mine best. 

"There's nothing up with 'that Ranma guy'," Akane said bitterly. "He's just the son of my dad's friend."

"But are you really engaged to him?" Sayuri asked.

Ranma, who was probably listening, snorted.

I could see Akane getting angrier by the moment. Maybe it was the snapped chopsticks in her hand, but I got the feeling it was time for a change in subject. "Hey y'all, leave her alone about it," I said cheerfully. "How do you guys think you did on your test?"

Sayuri shrugged. "I think I did alright," she said. "I studied really hard last night."

"Yeah, I studied," I said. "I just don't remember any of it." Well, I had looked at the books; I just didn't really read any of it. Too angry and the pages just looked like potential ammo to me.

"Yeah, same here," Akane said ruefully. "If _someone _hadn't been crashing around outside, I might've studied more."

"Hey, we were sparing!" Ranma yelled from his seat.

"How do you think you did Pigtail?" I asked hastily, trying to avoid a brawl.

Ranma looked at me blankly before shrugging. "I don't know, I just got here."

"Did you study?" Yuka asked.

"No, he was busy waking up half the neighborhood," Akane said.

"Would you back off?"

I sighed. If this was how it was going to be every day…

(1)Song: Roses by Outkast


	6. Caffe Mocha's Make Your Breath Stink

"Hey Jhim, wait for us!" I yelled. Kotori and I ran up to Jhim who was waiting at the gate. School had just let out for the day and I was so ready to go home. Akane and Ranma had not stopped bickering all day and that type of vibes did some serious damage on my psyche.

As we approached Jhim I noticed a boy standing with him, the same one that had dumped chips on my head yesterday. "Hey Chimofu," Kotori said. "How've you been?"

Jhim smiled. "I've been great." He turned to the boy next to him. "Rizu, Kotori, this is Uiruriamu Rankinu."

The boy bowed. "You can call me Uiruru though," he said.

I bowed back. "Hey, I'm Rizu Arumigufuchi," I said.

"Uh yeah, I know," he said. "Sorry again about the other day."

I laughed. "It's no big, really!"

"Yeah, it forced her to keep her hair down for once," Kotori said jokingly. "I'm Kotori…"

"RANMA!"

Ranma bounded off past us making a face at a livid Akane.

I sighed. "Well that was different," I said sarcastically.

"Why? Have they been fighting all day?" Jhim asked. I nodded my head mournfully.

"The negative vibes from them are gonna kill my good mood," I said.

"What are they fighting about?" Uiruru said.

"Everything," I muttered.

"Yeah, I could hear them all the way down the hall," Kotori said.

Jhim looked at me and raised his eyebrow questioningly. I nodded conformation and Jhim groaned.

Kotori looked back and forth between us and threw up her hands. "I'm not gonna ask."

I laughed and patted her on the shoulder. "Good idea. Hey, we better get home," I said.

"Why don't we go downtown?" Kotori said. "I don't have anything to do."

"Me neither," Uiruru said.

"I've got lessons today," Jhim said.

"Aww come on," I said draping my arm over his shoulder. "Don't be such a kill-joy; you've got at least an hour 'till that. Let's go!"

Jhim looked a little uncomfortable and shrugged. "I don't know. I'd rather get my homework done."

"But I thought you finished that in class already," Uiruru said.

I laughed as Jhim glared at Uiruru. "That's settles it then. Off we go!"

* * *

The after school crowd was alive and kicking when we came by the shopping district, but it didn't matter much. We saw a lot of kids from school, either that Jhim and Uiruru knew or Kotori and I knew. 

We were passing by a computer tech store when I noticed an American culture store. "Oh my god! Jhim! Look, they have Marilyn Manson!"

Jhim looked at me like I was crazy. "Marilyn Manson? Are you serious?"

"Who's Marilyn Manson?" Kotori asked.

"You're into Marilyn Manson?" Uiruru asked. "I never woulda guessed."

"We have to go in!" I said as I grabbing Kotori's wrist.

"Hold on, I'm coming, I'm coming," she said as we opened the door. The store was brightly lit with rows of CD's. The blue walls sported American movie and music posters along with racks of American movies.

"Oh hey," a voice said from behind the counter. A young woman with long blonde hair and yellow John Lennon glasses smiled sweetly at us. "Can I help you?"

"Oh no, we're fine," Jhim said. "We're just looking."

I immediately swooped upon the racks of music, a little fangirl squeal emitting immediately. "Y'all have the White Album! I could _never_ find this thing!"

Both Uiruru and Jhim looked at me like one would look at a strange animal. "Marilyn Manson and The Beatles?" Jhim said disbelievingly.

"Is that normal in the States?" Uiruru said.

Jhim shook his head. "I'm not sure."

Kotori was looking over my shoulder. "I've heard of The Beatles," she said slowly, "But I've never listened to them."

"You're listening to them now," the woman behind the counter said, putting in a cd on the speaker system. 'Come Together' began playing softly, only so that we could hear each other talk.

"Abbey Road?" I asked.

The lady laughed. "A Beatles fan, don't see that much these days," she said. "At least not among your generation."

I beamed under the praise. "Nah, you just don't live in the 'States," I said. "And 'sides, I don't know that much."

"Oh look, Rizu is being modest," Jhim said, walking up behind me. "Don't see that every day."

I glared at Jhim and Kotori laughed. "Hey guys," Uiruru said, looking through the rows of CD's. "Check this out."

Jhim and Kotori walked over to him while I talked to the cashier. "Do you own this store?" I asked.

"Nope, it's more of a part time thing," she said. "I'm trying to save up for a road trip later, ya' know what I mean?"

I laughed. "Yeah, I'm still in school."

"Bah, never learned nothin there. Dropped out my second year," the lady said.

I smiled. This lady was awesome! "Yeah, I'm in my second year technically, but I'm not sure if I get any of it."

"So drop out and help me here. I sure could use it what with all the work they've got me doin," she said.

I waved my hand. "Nah, I think I'll stick it out."

"Have you ever listened to the White Album backwards?" the cashier said. I shook my head no and she smiled. "I have the record here somewhere," she said, beginning to rummage behind the counter. "Ah here it is," she said, pulling out a genuine Beatles White Album record.

I gasped my eyes as big as saucers. "Where did you get that?" I asked adoringly.

"Oh pah, this is nothing," she said. "I have every record The Beatles ever made, from before Ringo to the departure of John."

"You have just become my best friend," I said my eyes still locked on the White Album.

"Hey Rizu!" Jhim said from behind me. "Quit drooling over that thing. We've got to go," he called.

"Huh?"

Jhim sighed and walked up to me, grabbing my arm. "Come on Yoko," he said, dragging me away from the cash register.

"But I... it's the White Album!" I whined. "Did you just call me Yoko?"

Jhim smiled slyly. "Yeah, you wanna make something of it?"

WHAM!

I smiled, putting my textbooks back inside my purse while Kotori and Uiruru examined Jhim's twitching form. Boy never had a chance.

* * *

Our little group had broken up when Jhim left us to go to the Tendo dojo. I was bored and decided to stop by the old place, just to see if it was still on it foundations. 

"Hello?" I called into the entrance of the Tendo household. "Is anyone here?"

"Oh Rizu," Kasumi said as she walked out of the kitchen. "Do you need anything?"

"Nah, I was just wondering if Akane is alright," I said. "She was acting kinda stressed today."

"Oh, that's very thoughtful of you. Come on in, she's outside I think. Will you stay for dinner?"

"No thanks, I have to go home and finish my homework."

"Okay then," she said cheerfully. I bowed to her before taking off my shoes and walking through the house out back.

I could hear voices floating through the halls. "To the girl side he says. I don't think he knows you're the same person," I heard Nabiki say.

"On Sunday, in the tenth hour, meet me in the second field of Furinkan High School," Ranma read.

"Sounds like duel huh?" Akane said.

I opened the screen door. "Whatchall talking about?" I said suddenly. Akane and Ranma jumped but Nabiki merely smirked.

"R-Rizu?" Akane said. "What are you doing here?"

"Just wanted to stop by," I said. "What's that you got there Pigtail?" I said.

"Looks like a challenge from Kuno," Nabiki said.

"Oh really?" I said. "What'cha do?"

Ranma and Akane tensed visibly, but it was Nabiki to the rescue. "You didn't hear?" she said. "In Ranma's last little fight with Kuno, he wrote 'buffoon' on his forehead."

I laughed loudly. "Way to go Pigtail!" I said. "So that's why Kuno's so peeved?"

At this point the door to the dojo slid open revealing a rather exhausted Jhim, followed by both Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome who were laughing loudly and slapping each other on the back.

"Hey Jhimbo!" I said cheerfully.

Jhim winced as he walked over towards the porch. "Jimbo?" he said weakly.

"Hey," I said. "Now we're even."

"Even?" Akane said. "What'd he do?"

I shrugged. "He called me a bad name."

Ranma shifted to face me. "Yeah, I've been meaning to ask," he said. "Why do you call me 'Pigtail'?"

I looked at him blankly. "Why do you call me Rizu?"

"Because that's your name."

"Right. So your name is Pigtail."

"But my name isn't Pigtail."

"Exactly."

Ranma looked at me with a confused look while Akane just shook her head. "I win!" I shouted.

* * *

"So how was training today?" I asked Jhim as we walked back to the apartment. 

Jhim groaned. "It was brutal," he groaned. "Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome drove me hard and I even got to spar Ranma."

"Sounds like fun!" I said cheerfully. "Hey, you wanna get a bite or something?"

Jhim shook his head. "No thanks, I just wanna go home and rest."

"Well then let's get take-out," I said. "Come on, I'll buy!"

Jhim smiled at that. "How could I turn down a free meal?" he said.

"I know, you'd have to beh crazzeh," I said. We walked to the convince store and I got us some lunchboxes. After a bit of coxing I persuaded Jhim to let us eat at his place. To tell the truth, I was just curious about how he lived and also a bit tired of eating at my place.

"Home sweet home," he said as he opened the door. The one room apartment smelled of burnt food and soap. There were still dirty dishes in the sink from that morning and the small table was littered with books and papers. But other than that it was relatively clean.

Jhim cleared off the table quickly as I set the bags of food on the counter. "So this is your place?" I said. "Pretty clean for a freshman in college."

"Hey," Jhim said. "That's a common stereotype. Not all college guys are slobs."

"Obviously," I said cheerfully, taking the food to the table. "So what's up with that Uiruru guy? He seems to know a lot about American pop culture."

"Yeah, he's obsessed with all things American. That's how we became friends, he found out where I was from and stuck with me."

I nodded as I chewed on my food. "Kinda like how American anime fans are obsessed with all things Japanese?"

"Exactly," Jhim said. "He's not really popular in the class. Guys used to pick on him and stuff."

"I can see that," I said. "I got teased a lot cause of my manga obsession for awhile."

"Speaking of obsession," Jhim said. "That lady at the store, the one with the Beatles album?"

"Not just any album, The White Album."

"Uh yeah. Didn't she remind you of someone?" he said.

"A hippie."

"No, no," Jhim said dismissively. "I mean, didn't you have the feeling that you'd seen her somewhere?"

I leaned back on my hands and thought hard. "Well, I guess I recognize her," I said. "Yeah, now that you mention it, her face is pretty familiar."

"I've just got this nagging at the back of my head that I've seen her," Jhim said.

I shrugged. "Maybe it's nothing."

"No, I don't think so. I've seen her somewhere important, I know it."

I shrugged again. "Maybe you just need to sleep on it, you did work pretty hard today," I said.

Jhim nodded as if confirming it. The rest of our meal passed in peace, talking about school and what was going to happen to Ranma.

"Yeah, why do you call him Pigtail?" Jhim asked.

"I feel like it, no other reasons."

"But you call me Jhim, not Chimofu," Jhim said.

"I told you, Chimofu sounds stupid."

Jhim raised his eyebrow. "And Pigtail doesn't?"

"Yes, well," I said. "I came up with the name Pigtail. Not Chimofu."

"Oh, I get it. Because you came up with Pigtail that makes it all better."

I smiled and raised my chopsticks in salute. "Now you're getting it."

* * *

It was Sunday, a bright and pretty day. The wind blew gently across my face, blowing the stray strands of pink hair wildly. I hummed happily as I walked down the street, swinging my purse in the air. 

I looked at my watch. Almost ten o'clock, if I hurried I could see Ranma and Kuno's "duel". I turned down the street and walked over to the school, taking my good sweet time.

As I approached the fence, I saw Ranma in his girl form, standing still in the field. She looked tense, like he was ready to spring an attack at any second. I stood by the fence, far enough away that they wouldn't notice me immediately, but close enough so that I could hear what was going on.

"So you have come." I heard Kuno before I saw him, not a big difference from the usual. "Tree-borne-kettle-girl."

"You don't learn quick, do you pal?" Ranma shot. "Well, where's your sword huh?" she said, eyeing Kuno suspiciously.

Kuno looked to the side and smirked. "Heh, I have no need of a sword."

"Pretty confident huh?" Ranma said sarcastically.

Kuno shot her a look I couldn't (and didn't want to) read. "Confident enough," he said. "To give you this!" He slung out an object towards Ranma, who caught it deftly before looking at it. I think she was too shocked to react right away.

"I love you," Kuno said with a debonair attitude.

WHUMP

Ranma collapsed on her knees, eye's wide in shock. I snickered, glad that I came by. "Tough luck, eh Pigtail?" I said loudly. "Of all the guys to hit on ya, it had to be Kuno."

I rolled my eyes and reached into my purse, pulling out my happy sling-shot and my happy ammo (hot glue and straws: tis the stuff) aimed. Pull back the straw and… SNAP! Direct hit! "Pigtail! Snap out of it!"

Ranma jerked her head my way, and if possible, her eye's got bigger. "What?" she said, a little apprehensive. "What did you call me?"

It suddenly occurred to me what I was doing, and I smacked my head with the palm of my hand. "I mean," I said hastily. "Hey, girl who has no resemblance to Ran-, I mean…" Oh screw it, he was gonna find out anyway. "I called you Pigtail because that's what I call you, you being Ranma Saotome and stuff."

"How did you know?" Ranma asked her voice defensive.

I rolled my eyes, although I was trying really hard to come up with an excuse. "I'm sure it had nothing to do with the fact that Kuno's challenge was addressed to 'The Tree-Borne-Kettle-Girl' and yet you responded."

"How'd you know who it was addressed to?"

I shrugged. "Jedi mind-tricks man. May the force be with you."

Ranma had by now walked over to me and flipped over the fence. "Bull, I don't buy it," she said.

"What if I said that I saw the letter after you were done reading it," I said. "Although I personally like the Jedi option…"

"How do you know I'm not Ranma's sister or something?" Ranma said.

I sighed. "Because, Pigtail, in the past five minutes you've all but told me that you are you." Ranma blanked, obviously trying to come up with a comeback. "Don't insult my intelligence. I'm not Kuno."

Ranma shut her mouth and studied me carefully. "Did you tell anyone?" she said.

I shook my head. "I figured something like this was better if you told everyone," I said. "I mean, who am I to say that Ranma Saotome likes to cross-dress?"

"IT'S NOT CROSS-DRESSING!" Ranma yelled.

I laughed and waved my hand. "Relax man, its okay. I'm not gonna tell," I said. "But you do get a theme song."

Ranma looked at me curiously. "Theme song? What song?"

I smiled. "I'll never tell," I said in a sing-song voice.

Ranma stood and studied me for a minute. "Are you crazy?" she asked forwardly.

I laughed loudly and clapped my hands. "Dude, it's all in the eye of the beholder." I stuck my hands in my pocket and smiled. "Let's get you to the dojo man; Akane is probably dying to find out what happened."

Ranma rolled her eyes as she followed me down the street. "Akane doesn't care at all."

I looked back at the girl and sighed. "Hey man, give her time. I mean…"

"I heard," Ranma interrupted. "She's a very sweet girl; she's just a violent maniac."

I sweat dropped and laughed nervously. "I wasn't really gonna say that but…" I sighed. "Ah whatever. So you wanna explain your ability to acquire breasts and other female body parts?"

Ranma blushed lightly but took on a serious face. "I was training at the Legendary Ground of Cursed Springs," she said.

I raised my eyebrow. "So it **does** exist," I said. "I thought it was some sort of legend."

Ranma laughed harshly. "No, it's real. I feel into Spring of Drowned Girl and the result…" she indicated to her body.

I nodded. "Makes sense. I mean, if the Force is real, why can't this be?"

Ranma looked at me strangely. "What is it with you and Star Wars?" she asked. "You don't really believe in that stuff do you?"

I waved my hand dismissively. "Nah, it's more of something I watch to make fun of. I don't honestly believe that stuff," I said. "But it does make sense. Technically, you aren't supposed to be like this, so why can't the Force exist?"

"Because it's stupid."

I laughed. "Yeah, well, I do lots of stupid things."

"Like giving me a theme song?" Ranma said.

"Yes, like giving you a theme song. But don't feel left out; I'm trying to find one for Akane." We walked around the corner and the dojo came into sight. "So you gonna tell them about Kuno's little crush?" I said.

Ranma blanched. "Could you not talk about that?" she said painfully. "Or tell anyone else?"

I held up my right hand. "I won't tell a soul," I said solemnly. Then I broke out into a grin. "It's still really funny."

"Shut up."

So I parted with Ranma at the dojo entrance, walking away humming a little tune by Aerosmith.

_Da-na, da-na, dude looks like a lady!_

Song: "Dude Looks Like a Lady" by Aerosmith


	7. I Have A Tye Dye Straight Jacket

The following morning provided little entertainment for the female student body as Akane, with the aid of Ranma, quickly dispatched of all opponents, including Kuno.

"Man, Akane must be getting impatient," Sayuri said as she walked back to our little table. "She didn't even try to make a show out of it today."

"And she makes a show out of it everyday?" I said suspiciously.

"Oh come on, you've seen it. It usually takes her about five minutes to kick their butts, but today? Less than three," Sayuri said.

"It's cause Ranma was there though," Yuka said. "He and Akane used a double kick for Kuno."

"Maybe they're getting along," Kotori said.

All of us looked at each other for a moment before breaking out in uncontrollable giggles. "Yeah right!" Yuka gasped through peals of laughter.

"The day those two get along," Sayuri said. "Is the day Rizu's hair turns black!"

I stopped laughing and sat back, feeling a little light headed. "Who knows?" I said. "Maybe a pig'll fly by the window." This set us off even further.

The door slid open to reveal an angry Akane and a sickened and angry Ranma. "What are you guys laughing at?" Akane said as she walked over to us.

"Nothing," I gasped, catching my breath. "It's nothing."

Akane sat down in a huff, crossing her arms over her chest. "Akane," I said. "You really need to break a smile every once in a while." I turned back towards Ranma and smiled. "Hey Pigtail!" I said cheerfully. "Sleep well?"

The question was innocent enough, but it made Ranma wince visibly. "I'll take that as a no," I said, turning back towards the girls.

* * *

I walked leisurely down the outside hall, my c.d. player in my hand and my headphones positioned over my ears. The music was blaring, my favorite song: "She Fuckin Hates Me" by Puddle of Mudd. It was around lunch time and I'd decided to take a little walk before heading off towards lunch. I was on the first floor when I noticed a flash of red below me. Right on time too. 

I looked over to see Ranma and Kuno, Ranma holding a large stuffed bear. I still have no idea what the hell Kuno thought was so "gift-worthy" of that bear, even in the flesh it was the ugliest thing I'd ever seen. Ranma tossed the bear back to Kuno and began to walk away and I ducked back into the hallway just as a splash of water fell right were my head woulda been. Better Ranma than me, I'm telling ya.

_Never thought I'd be the one who slipped,_

Kuno whirled around the corner to find the "Pigtailed Goddess", whose graceful self fell from a tree.

_Then I started to realize,_

I swear, Kuno had to be the most disgusting pervert I'd ever seen. I wanted to cheer for Ranma, trying to punch away Kuno's advances, that's sure as hell what I would've done.

_I was living one big lie._

Enter sly Nabiki with her kettle of hot water. Not exactly the most secret way to get Kuno's attention, but hey. It made sense to her at the time although I knew better.

_She fuckin' hates me,_

Ooh a kick right to the face from Ranma, just at the entrance of the chorus too. Now that's what I call good timing.

The fight between Kuno and Ranma started right with the guitar solo (with a little help from the fast forward button of course). Akane showed up so I waved, but she didn't see me. Probably the best thing too, I don't know what would of happened if she had seen me.

The pictures fluttered out of Kuno's shirt and I almost collapsed with laughter at Ranma's expression. But then the song was almost over and I decided to keep moving, already knowing the outcome. As I began to leave the hallway, I saw something above me. Looking up I saw Jhim with a triumphant look on his face, obviously rooting for Ranma. I smiled and went on my way.

_That's my story, as you see,_

_Learned my lesson and so did she_

_Now it's over and I'm glad…(1)_

Don't I wish.

* * *

"So Rizu," Akane said one day while we were shopping together. "Ranma says you know." 

"Know what?" I said innocently. "I know lots of things."

"You know," Akane said quietly. "About his curse?"

"His curse?" I said in mock shock. "Do tell!" Akane looked so horrified that she might've just blabbed that I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore. "I'm sorry," I said. "I couldn't help it."

"You haven't told anyone have you?" Akane asked.

I waved my hand. "It's like I told Ranma, it's his secret to tell, not mine. S'not my problem."

Akane remained silent at this comment. "So how've you been?" I asked. "I haven't been able to talk to you in a while."

"Oh well, you know," she said half-heartedly. "I only got engaged to a sex-changing pervert that can't keep his mouth shut."

"That's gotta suck."

"It does!" she exclaimed. "Oh, he just makes me so mad, I just wanna throttle him!"

"And you're positive that he just doesn't like you but he's just really immature?" I said.

"Positive! The only thing that's true about that is that he's an immature imbecile!"

"Glad to know that you feel so strongly about this." I sighed as I adjusted the bag in my hand. "Dang, Kasumi really needed to go shopping eh?"

"I guess so," Akane said. She sighed and looked up towards the sky. "I'm just really tired lately."

"So take a nap," I said. "Or meditate or something, I don't know. I don't deal with stuff like this."

"What do you deal with then?" she asked.

"Eh, the usual, school, friends, guys, stupid things," I said.

"Guys? Like Chimofu?" she asked teasingly.

I could almost see the matchmaking gears turning in her head. "No. I don't want any matchmaking done, especially with this guy. Just… no."

Akane shrugged. "Whatever you say," she said.

"Akane, I'm dead serious about this. No matchmaking. For anyone."

"What? You can set me up, but I can't set you up?"

"You're different," I said. "You're engaged, so you might as well get used to the guy."

"Don't remind me," Akane groaned.

* * *

Two weeks went by and I happily watched the story progress in front of me. Since the male student body's surrender of Akane to Ranma, Ranma had begun eating lunch with the guys, giving the girls a nice quiet lunch. I guess because the boys didn't see Ranma as competition anymore, they didn't care he was Akane's fiancé. Yes, things had fallen into a pretty pleasant pattern. Too bad it didn't last. 

Kotori and I had been leaving school when we saw Ryoga standing at the gates of the high school. I stopped short and grabbed her arm. "Oh. My. God."

Kotori looked at me quizzically. "What is it?" she asked. I indicated towards Ryoga's solemn figure and she looked ahead, raising her eyebrow approvingly. "Oh, who's that?"

I was almost too stunned to reply, Ryoga being one of the only anime guys I had ever fangirled over. "He's hot!"

Kotori looked at me with an evil grin. "Aww, does Rizu have a crush?" she said in a babying manner.

The last comment snapped me out of my daze and I laughed. "Just because he's hot doesn't mean I like him. I mean, look at Ranma!"

Kotori's eyes grew big. "You think Ranma's hot!" she asked incredulously.

"Oh please," I said. "You did too before you found out he was engaged to Akane."

"I did not!"

"Liar!"

At that moment, Daisuke had the unpleasant fate of passing Ryoga who grabbed him by the collar. "You."

A distressed Daisuke stammered out a "Wh-what do you want?"

"Where is Furinkan High School?" Ryoga said dangerously.

Kotori and I looked at Ryoga for a second before looking at each other. It took all we had to not laugh. No mercy for the extremely hot Ryoga.

"RANMA!" we heard Akane yell from behind us. We stepped quickly to the side to let Ranma through. "STOP!"

"Come and get me!" Ranma hollered back to the disgruntled girl.

I nudged Kotori in the ribs. "Check it out," I said, indicating the quickly oncoming figure of a very pissed Ryoga.

"RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!"

"What's he thinking?" Kotori said to me as the two boys plummeted to the earth. "He's gonna spear him with his umbrella?"

"Uh hon," I said. "Check out the crater. Yeah, that, he made it with said umbrella."

"Oh."

"Someone you know?" Akane said to Ranma.

I know him! I know him! I thought. I have like six notebooks filled with pictures of him! … I'm a fangirl.

However Ranma seemed to be having more difficulty remembering Ryoga than I did. "Um… yeah! You're… you're…"

I slapped my head. "Ranma, don't strain yourself," I said to him.

"Heh," Ryoga said dramatically. "Just tell me one thing Ranma. Why did you run out on our fight!"

"Wait! I remember!" Ranma yelled. "You were in my class at my old high school!"

"Really?" Kotori said. "I thought he was in China."

"The guy has to have some form of education I guess," I said. "Come on, let's go."

"Wait, I wanna hear about the fight that Ranma ran out on!" Kotori said as she followed me out of the courtyard.

I sighed. "Ryoga challenged Ranma because he kept stepping on his head to get the bread at lunch, so Ranma waited at the place for three days, but because Ryoga gets lost easily, he didn't show up till the fourth day. Since then Ryoga's been hunting him down."

Kotori looked at me strangely. "How do you know that?"

"I don't. But doesn't that sound like something that would happen?" I said.

"Good point."

* * *

I've always been one to poke fun at things, especially the Ranma ½ series. So come the day of the big showdown between Ranma and Ryoga, Kotori and I brought her old boom-box and my cd of bad American 80's music. 

"Alright, cd 1, track 8."

"What song is it?" Kotori asked as I pressed pause quickly.

I smirked an evil smirk. "Ever heard of the song 'Eye of the Tiger(2)'?"

Akane, who was sitting in front of us turned around. "Is life like one big music video to you or something?" she asked.

"Yes, yes it is."

The fight went on like the manga, with one major difference for me: I couldn't stop laughing. I mean, come on! It was 'Eye of the Tiger'! Imagine watchign a semi-serious fight between Nerima's currently best fighters and listening to one of the cheesiest songs in the world. Yeah, that's what I was doing.Only when Akane got involved and the fight got moved out of the vacant lot did I stop clutching my sides in laughter.

It was just so COOL to see Akane's hair get shredded by the stray bandana that was flying through the air. I mean, ahem me being a good friend and all, it was a very sad thing to see her prized hair get cut. Very sad, yes. But so friggin cool!

* * *

"So what'd you get for answer three?" I asked Akane as we sat in her bedroom. It was two weeks or so after the showdown between Ranma and Ryoga and everyone had already gotten used to Akane's short hairstyle. Things had somewhat calmed down between Nermia's favorite Not!Couple although there were still the occasional arguments in class and they were always fighting about something outside of class. 

"Uh… x is equal to thirty and y is equal to fifty," Akane said offhandedly.

"X is thirty? What the? I got 103! And Y is 85!"

"Wow, how'd you get that?" Akane asked. I showed her my paper and she quickly looked over my work. "Oh here's the problem! See…"

Three knocks came at the door before Ranma-chick poked her head through the door. "Uh Akane?" she said. "You've got visitors."

"Uh sure," Akane said. "Let them in."

Ranma opened the door and jumped onto the bed next to Akane, followed immediately by a group of sobbing girls.

"Huh? What is it girls?" Akane asked worriedly.

"Akane! We've been so humiliated!" one girl said (I didn't recognize her).

"That cheater Kodachi!" another girl (nope, didn't know her either) exclaimed. "She injured everyone of us!"

"Every member of the team injured?" Akane asked.

This was way too much exposition dialogue for me. It was like Simon Says or something equally annoying.

"Now we'll have to withdrawn from the match!"

"Then… you want to me to take your place?" Akane asked.

"Please Akane!" the one girl said. "There's nothing else we can do!"

"You could forfeit," I said offhandedly. Even Ranma was staring at me like I had just uttered an unforgivable word. "O-kay, sorry I suggested it."

The girls finished glaring at me and faced Akane again. "You see Akane," another girl said with tears in her eyes. "The next match is Rhythmic Gymnastics Wrestling!"

"What the heck is that?" Ranma said quizzically.

"This!" I will tell you right now, not even I, in all of my practice in the use of The Twighlight Zone, could pull out something of that size that quickly. One of the girls pulled out a giant poster with two girls fighting with various gymnastic objects on it. "The school's championship fight, with the techniques of rhythmic gymnastics!"

"That has to be the dumbest things…" I muttered. No one seemed to hear me else I might've been the subject of yet another group glare.

"I'm still not sure I get it…" Akane said. "But all right! I will avenge you!"

"Oh thank you Akane!" the overjoyed girls said as they clutched her hand in gratitude. "Thank you so much! We won't forget this!"

A few minutes later, Ranma, Akane, and I all sat in her room, the other girls gone with light hearts. "Akane," I said. "Don't you think it woulda helped if you were, oh I don't know, maybe say a gymnast?"

Ranma nodded. "No kidding. Do you even know what to do?"

"Do you?" Akane shot back icily. "And besides," she said to me. "How hard can it be? I mean, it seems kinda like Martial Arts."

"Yeah but gymnastics require a little grace," I said.

"So does Martial Arts," Akane said.

"Yeah but you don't even have grace when you fight," Ranma said.

"I have to agree hon."

Akane started to glow and even began to growl.

I raised my eyebrow. "Well then can I stay for dinner?"

"I can go ask Kasumi for you," Ranma said as she jumped off the bed. "I gotta go take a bath anyway."

"Didn't you say you have something to do?" Akane said to me.

I smiled evily. "Nope, I just cleared my schedule."

* * *

"You shouldn't have agreed so quickly," Ranma said as he picked up one of the ribbons and began twirling it in the air. 

"Right behind ya man!" I said.

Jhim nodded beside me. He had decided to stay for dinner also as soon as he figured out that Akane was going to begin her training. "I have to agree with them Akane, do you even know how to use these things?"

"Aw come on guys," Akane said as she picked up a hoop. "You just watch. It can't be that hard."

Jhim and I looked at each other with a "This'll be painful" look when a little black piggy trudged into the dojo.

"Well where have you been?" Akane said to the little piggy. "I've been so worried about you Pchan!"

"Pchan?" Ranma asked.

"Oh, it's so cute!" I said as I scooted over. "Where'dcha get him?"

"He just wandered into my room one night," Akane said. "I've kinda adopted him." This comment earned a huff from Ranma and made Jhim smirk.

"He's adorable! Can I hold him?" I said.

"Sure," Akane said cheerfully, handing the squirming pig to me. So happily I crossed my legs (I didn't like the whole 'Let's sit on our feet thing' the Japanese had going) and played with Pchan's ears. It seems to be a general rule that all baby pets have to have soft ears even if the pet happens to be a teenage boy.

Ranma snorted and rolled his eyes while Jhim shook his head miserably. "What?" I asked. "What's with you two?"

"Ranma doesn't like Pchan for some reason," Akane said a little coldly. Another snort from Ranma.

Apparently, the presence of Jhim and myself didn't affect the story at all because Akane still couldn't use the gymnastics tools for her life.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?" Ranma said sarcastically.

Jhim and I were trying our hardest not to burst out laughing at the disgruntled girl. She shot us a classic death glare as we held in our giggles. "Don't you two have anything better to do?" she asked frustrated.

"Nope, I got nothing," I said cheerfully. "How bout you Jhim, you got anything to do?"

"Not that I remember," he said with a smirk.

Akane growled as she picked up the hoop. She gracefully tossed it in the air, jumped up and grasped it, went through it, landed on the ground, and… broke the hoop.

"… BWHAHAHAHA!" I couldn't help it, I'd been holding in way too much laughter for the past five minutes. "I'm –gasp- sorry!" I said through giggles. "It's just... HAHAHA!" I fell back and laughed whole-heartedly while little Pchan trotted away.

"-snicker- I'm sorry," Jhim said through snickers. "I really –snort- am."

"That does it!" Akane yelled frustrated. "Do you have any ideas on how to do this?" she spat at me.

"I couldn't do a cart-wheel for my life!" I said.

"You're gonna have to if you don't shut up!" Akane shot. I shut my mouth and tried not to laugh.

"Aren't you supposed to have a little grace?" Ranma asked skeptically.

"Shut up!" Akane snarled. "Just you watch!" Thus said she picked up the clubs again and tossed them in the air… only to have them land on her head. "Oowww, my head!"

I told myself again and again that this wasn't funny. Nope, not funny one bit. Not at all like a slap-stick routine. Nope, nope, nope.

"I'm a klutz!" Akane cried, coming over to Ranma. "I'm a klutz, I'm a klutz, I'm a klutz!"

"What do you want me to do about it?" Ranma said, edging away from Akane slowly.

"I can instruct you."

Ryoga stood over in the doorway, looking very debonair. If I weren't a fangirl, I would've gagged.

"What happened to Pchan?" Ranma said innocently.

"And who is Pchan?" Ryoga growled, moving across the dojo and grabbing Ranma's collar with the speed of an embarrassed boy.

"Yeah Rizu," Jhim said to me with a sly grin. "Where **is**Pchan?**"**

I shrugged. "No idea, he must've trotted off while we were watching Akane," I said. Ryoga looked nervous as he picked up the ribbon from the floor.

Holding it taut in his hands, Ryoga suddenly flung the ribbon at Ranma with a snap.

"That was wonderful!" Akane said admiringly.

"You think?"

I smiled to myself and rose from the ground. "Well guys, it's been fun and all but I think I'd better get."

"I think I should go too," Jhim said as he stood up. "Gotta make sure she doesn't blow anything up on the way home."

"Hey! I don't have a single explosive on me!" I said defensively. "I'll see yall later!"

"See you tomorrow Rizu! Chimofu!" Akane called after us cheerfully. Ryoga nodded to us and Ranma just waved.

Leaving through the back (we decided we didn't want to risk meeting Kodachi on the way out) Jhim and I headed home. "So what do you think?" Jhim asked.

"About what?" I asked my hands behind my head.

"About Akane's training session."

"You already know Ranma's gonna be the one fighting."

"Yeah well," Jhim said in tired tone. "Have you ever thought that maybe by us being here, we'll mess up the plot?"

I looked back at him quizzically, remembering the fight we'd had earlier about the same topic. "I guess," I said. "I mean, no other SI's that I've read have affected the story line too much. Well… at least none that I've read so far."

"But there hasn't bee two SI's in the same story before."

I stopped walking, the statement taking me by surprise. It had never occurred to me that the fact that there were two SI's in Nermia would screw up the plot. I just kind of accepted the fact that there was someone else besides me here and didn't question it any further. "Do you think," I said quietly. "Do you think one of us shouldn't be here?"

Jhim shook his head. "I'm not sure really. I mean, it's not really normal if you think about it," he said continuing to walk ahead. "We nevertalked toeach other in the real world, not like the partner SI's where somefriends get to enter the story."

"And the only type of stories I've read like that," I said. "Are parody's. So why are we here?"

Again Jhim shook his head in confusion. "I don't know why we're here. I don't think any SI has ever figured that out, nor were they meant to."

"It's kinda like the meaning of life huh?" I said.

"Yeah, a lot like the meaning of life."

I sighed heavily and shoved my hands in my pocket. "This bites. Now I'm gonna be depressed all night thinking heavy thoughts."

Jhim laughed at that and shrugged. "Guess you're not going to be getting much sleep tonight huh?"

I smirked and elbowed Jhim lightly. "Yeah and it's all your fault."

And so we continued on home, two people that didn't belong and never would.


	8. Colonel Reb Lives On!

"SO YOU HATE ME!" a shrill voice cried. Such was the greeting Kotori, Jhim, and I received as walked through the school gates.

"Who was that?" Kotori asked cautiously. "Baba Ushka?"

"Who?" I asked.

Kotori blushed. "You know that old Russian witch. I think I said it right…"

"How should I know?" I said. "I'm not from Russia."

"Besides," Jhim said slowly. "I have a feeling this person is much worse than a Russian witch."

Both Kotori and I nodded, only I knew who he was talking about. Kodachi Kuno. We approached a large crowd that had gathered around the drama that was playing out before them.

"I already have a fiancée!" another, male voice said.

"Was that Ranma?" I heard Kotori said, but Jhim and I were already pushing to the front of the circle. We emerged to see Ranma hiding from a crazed Kodachi behind a less than amused Akane.

Kodachi's sinister laughter filled the air. "She needn't worry about that," Kodachi said superiorly. "She'll be losing in any case!" Much to the crowd's relief, Kodachi stopped laughing and rounded on Ranma. "Ranma-sama! The next time we meet, you shall be mine."

Kodachi smirked evilly as she disappeared in a swirl of black rose petals, her bone chilling laugh hanging in the air. And as one, every single person in the crowd let out an involuntary shudder.

"Where the hell does she get the rose petals?" I asked Jhim quietly.

"You should know better than I do," Jhim said. "It is your area of expertise."

I scowled as we all watched Kuno reveal his family ties to Kodachi. "I don't know," I muttered. "Ever since yesterday I've been wondering…"

"Rizu! Chimofu!" Kotori called from the school entrance. "Come on, we're gonna be late!"

"We're coming!" Jhim called back. Turning to me, he said "We'll finish the conversation later."

* * *

I sighed as I scribbled chicken scratch on my English homework. Normally I'd have it done in five minutes tops but tonight I was brain dead. 

I reached behind my back and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. One… two… three! I quickly grabbed the long handle of the broom from The Twighlight Zone and brought it in front of me…

SMACK!

"JESUS CHRIST!" I dropped the broom and clutched my nose which was smarting strongly. "Holy shit! God damn that hurts!" As further streams of profanity sprouted from my mouth I made my way to the little mirror to see that my nose had begun to bleed.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…" I chanted angrily under my breath as I stuffed tissue up my nostril.

That made me so angry! How the hell did I manage to smack myself with a broom! Those stupid gymnast girls had whipped out a poster while remaining in sitting position, why couldn't I? God damn it!

Very slowly I managed to calm myself down enough to stop cussing. I just needed to practice more, that was all. Yeah, I'd practice so that I could bring out random objects at will and all would be well! And if that meant reverting back to practicing slap-stick, so be it!

* * *

The bell above the door jingled as I walked into the well lit store and smiled broadly when I heard Credence Clearwater playing over the stereo. 

"Give me a sec!" a familiar voice said from behind the counter. The woman with long hair and yellow Lennon glasses popped up from behind a curtain and smiled. "Whoa, long time no see!" she said. Seeing the bandage over my nose she grimaced. "Damn hon, what've you been doing?"

"Oh this?" I said, indicating to my nose. "It's nothing; I just accidentally hit myself with a broom while I was playing with it." The lady gave me a funny look which I returned with a nervous smile. "So how've you been?"

"Ah ya know," she said. "Workin for the corrupt government can kill your spirit but it pays what it needs to pay for."

"Yeah, that tends to help matters," I said cheerfully.

"By the way, I never got your name," the lady said.

"Rizu Arumigufuchi," I said, not tripping over the last name for the first time in a while.

The lady smirked. "Arumigufuchi huh? I like it, tells everyone you won't be tied down." I nodded and pretended to know what she was talking about.

"What's your name?" I said.

"Eh, you can call me Sunny," she said happily.

"Like Sunny and Cher?" I asked, trying very hard not to laugh.

"Hey, don't disrespect the Sunny and Cher," Sunny said. "They had the right idea. And Cher kept the love going too, even after she got old."

I smiled nervously, never having been a Cher fan.

"So what are you doin here anyway?" Sunny asked. "Somethin gotcha down?"

I sighed and put my elbows on the counter. "Nah, it's nothing."

"Aw come on, it's me! You can tell me anything!" she said. I looked at her quizzically and she just smiled gently.

"Yeah, I guess something has been buggin me," I said quietly. "It's just that lately, I've been wondering if I really belong here. Ya know what I mean?"

"I know exactly what you mean!" Sunny said. "And I think the question is do any of us really belong here?"

The comment was a cliché to say the least and I could feel myself sweatdrop. "That's not it exactly," I said with a small laugh.

Sunny shrugged. "Why are you so worried about that anyway? All you need in life is a bong, a Beatles album, and a pair of cool glasses. S'all I've got to say."

"How is that supposed to help?" I asked.

"I don't know, but that's been workin for me," Sunny said.

* * *

The day before the match I walked over to the Tendo dojo after I had finished my homework. Or rather, I hoped Akane wasn't too busy training because I needed her help with homework. 

"Um, excuse me?" I said as I poked my head inside the gateway. "Is anyone here?"

"Oh Rizu!" Kasumi said as she walked out. "We haven't seen you in awhile. How've you been?"

I smiled cheerfully. "I've been doing pretty well. How bout yall?"

Kasumi smiled her award winning smile and nodded. "We're all well thank you. Are you here to see Akane?"

"Actually yeah, is she busy?" I said.

"She's in the dojo I think," Kasumi said. "Would you like to stay for dinner tonight?"

"I don't want to impose," I began but Kasumi cut me off.

"Nonsense! We haven't seen you in awhile and I'm sure Daddy wouldn't mind," she told me.

I thanked her graciously and began to make my way to the dojo. I hadn't been by for only a week but why question when it works for you?

Akane was practicing, using Jhim as a dummy while Ranma watched. Jhim didn't look like he was fairing so well but I guess the pairing was helping each other somewhat. Akane was working on her aim and Jhim… was working on dodging. A lot.

"Hey guys!" I said as I walked in.

"Hey Rizu," Ranma said in a bored tone.

Jhim looked towards me as was about to speak when WHAM.

"Chimofu! I'm so sorry!" Akane said as she picked up the medicine ball that planted itself in Jhim's face. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah…" Jhim said weakly. Little swirlies had replaced his eyes making him look very stupid. "I'm fine."

I scratched my head nervously and laughed. "Uh, sorry bout that," I said. "But hey, you learned something!"

"What," Jhim said through gritted teeth. "Would that be?"

"Never take your eyes off an opponent!" I said as cheerfully as I could. The death glare Jhim was shooting at me made me glad he was rather... incapacitated at the moment. "So what've yall been doing?" I asked.

"Well Akane's been beating the tar out of me," Jhim said. "And Ranma's been watching."

"How come you aren't practicing with her Pigtail?" I asked as Jhim walked over to the sidelines.

"Don't like to fight girls," he said matter-of-factly.

"I could take you anytime!" Akane yelled at Ranma. "Just cause I'm a girl doesn't mean I can't beat you!"

"You know who we need?" I said. "We need Trogdor! He's the perfect partner!"

"Trogdor?" Ranma asked.

"You know, Ryoga!"

Ranma looked less than happy about that suggestion while Jhim just kinda smirked.

"But Ryoga hasn't been around for a while," Akane said almost sadly. She sighed and looked down at her ribbon. "And I was counting on him…"

A small pig snort came from the entrance as Pchan trotted in happily. "Well speak of the devil," I said under my breath as Akane picked up the happy piglet.

"Where have you been?" Akane asked the pig.

"Hmm…" Ranma said as he began to shift through the stuff Pchan had brought in. "Cinnamon crackers from Hiroshima…"

"And we've got tea cakes from Kyoto," Jhim said looking over Ranma's shoulder.

"Gah dang!" I said. "Looks like he's been just about everywhere huh?"

"Yeah, what a lousy sense of direction," Ranma said dryly, a threatening look leveled at the pig.

"Oh come on!" Akane said. "He's not Ryoga!"

Ranma, Jhim, and I shared a small smirk, although Ranma's was short-lived when Pchan chomped down on his finger. Quickly tying the small black pig in spare ribbons, Ranma picked up a hoop. "Of course not, let's practice."

Akane took on a serious face and crossed the clubs over her chest. "Alright, here I come!" She charged Ranma quickly and jabbed the clubs at him, all of which he dodged. Snapping up a ribbon with her toes, Akane ran towards Ranma and… WHUMP

Slipped on the medicine ball that had planted itself in Jhim's face earlier. "Oww…" she whined, clutching her ankle.

"Aw man, Akane!" I said rushing over to her. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I think I just sprained it," she said through gritted teeth. I looked down at the foot which was rapidly swelling.

"Hon, that doesn't look so good."

"Looks like you sprained it pretty badly," Ranma said as he looked over the ankle.

"I think we should call it a day," Jhim said as he stood up. "In the meantime let's get Kasumi to look at that."

I nodded and Ranma and I helped her up. Akane choked back tears as we carried her into her room, while Jhim went to get Kasumi. A few minutes later Akane sat on her bed, her ankle in bandages. "There you go," Kasumi said cheerfully.

"Man," Nabiki said as she spun around in Akane's chair. "My sister the klutz."

"I guess you're gonna have to withdraw," I said. Jhim was downstairs getting us drinks while Kasumi tended to Akane's ankle.

"I'll be there!" Akane said defiantly.

"No, I don't think that'll be good idea," Ranma said.

"You think I'll let a girl like that beat me!" Akane said standing up suddenly.

"Akane, don't!"

WHUMP

"OUCH!" Akane said from the floor.

"See?" Kasumi said as Akane nursed her ankle. "You'll have to find a replacement."

Akane frowned deeply. "Easy to say now! What other girl is that nimble, in such great shape, and…" Suddenly realization dawned on the entire room. "Knows martial arts." All eyes zeroed in on Ranma.

"Wait a minute," Ranma said nervously. "I'm not going out there in tights."

"Says who?" I said with a smirk. I noticed Ryoga coming up behind him with a pail of water and SPLOOSH

"I guess we'll be up all night practicing huh?" Ryoga said in a bored tone.

And at that moment Jhim decided to enter with our drinks. "Uh… what's going on?" he asked as he looked around the room. Ranma and Ryoga tensed up as I smiled.

"Eh, nothing," I said. "We're just talking."

* * *

The day of the match arrived bright and sunny. Too bad I'd have to spend it in a dark gymnasium. 

The stadium was noisy and crowded as boys from Furinkan hit on girls from St. Bacchus's, the girls from Furinkan not looking very pleased with that development. I pushed my way through the throng, scanning the crowd for –anyone- I knew.

"Rizu!" I heard Sayuri yell from the stands. "Up here!" I looked up to see Yuka and Sayuri waving wildly at me from the stands. I waved back and battled my way to where they were sitting.

"Hey guys," I said. "When'd yall get here?"

"A few minutes ago," Yuka said.

Sayuri looked around the stadium and whistled. "There sure are a lot of people here," she said. "I wonder if it's cause of Akane?"

"Probably," Yuka said. "Although it's probably because all the guys wanna meet some St. Bacchus's girls."

"Well yeah," I said. "But why did everyone else come?"

"That's easy," Sayuri said. "To see Kodachi get beat."

I nodded and faced the ring below us. It was brightly lit so that everyone could see what was happening although it'd be like watching a football game without the giant screen.

"I hope Akane wins," Yuka said feistily. "I hate that Kodachi girl! She gives all girls a bad name!"

I raised my eyebrow. Okaaay…. "Akane's not gonna be fighting," I said. "She hurt herself last night while I was there."

"Oh no!" Yuka said. "Who's gonna fight now?"

"**And now!" **a voice boomed over the loud speaker. "**The champions of the schools!**"

"It's starting!" Sayuri yelled over the sudden roar of the crowd. We all turned our attention to the ring as two figures entered the ring.

"**In this corner from St. Bacchus's school for girls… KODACHI KUNO!**"

The auditorium rang with boo's and cheers for the demented gymnast, although I noticed a few of the Bacchus girls holding a "Kodachi #1" poster weren't cheering as loudly as others.

"**And in this corner…**" A pause as the announcer girl turned to Ranma. "**From Furinkan High School… RANMA SAOTOME!**"

The deafening cheer died down into a confused babble as highschoolers consulted each other.

"Did she say Ranma?" "You don't think…" "No way!"

"Ranma?" Sayuri said confused. "That's a weird name for a girl, don't you think?"

I shrugged. "My middle name is Stuart, why can't her name be Ranma?"

"Yeah but Ranma Saotome?" Yuka said. "That's just… wait, you're middle name is Stuart?"

I laughed nervously. "Hey, let's watch the match!"

"**Champions to the center!**" Ranma and Kodachi walked to the middle of the ring where the announcer told them to shake hands. Suddenly, Kodachi pointed behind them and while Ranma and the announcer weren't looking latched a chain onto Ranma's wrist.

"What the… that's cheating!" Sayuri yelled. "BOOOO! CHEATER!"

"And I think… Oh my god, is that a pig?" Yuka exclaimed. I looked closer as the bell rang to see Pchan gnawing on Ranma's arm.

"That defiantly looks like a pig," I said.

"**Today… Martial Rhythmic Gymnastics!**" the loud speaker boomed. "**The rules: No time limit, no bare handed blows! The match ends when one contestant is knocked completely down and if either contestant falls from the ring, she will be an immediate loser!**"

"Go Ranma!" Sayuri yelled loudly as Ranma charged Kodachi, flinging the ribbon at her arm. Kodachi snapped the ribbon aside without getting it tangled with her own ribbon (any girl that's played with ribbons knows how hard that is) and charged Ranma.

"**Just what we've come to expect from the flower of martial gymnastics, Kodachi Kuno!**" the commenter announced. "**She handles the rope as if it's a rod!" **

I watched fascinated as Pchan began to run around Ranma, wrapping her in the chain that attached the pig to her wrist. Kodachi took the opening to whack Ranma squarely on the head with a…

"**Wait a minute! It is a rod!**" the announcer yelled. "**A rod disguised as a rope!**"

"What the hell!" Yuka yelled. I stared at her in amazement.

"Yuka," I said disbelievingly. "Did you just cuss?" But Yuka was too angry to acknowledge me at the moment.

"That's cheating! Why isn't anybody calling her on this!" Yuka exclaimed. By now Sayuri was full into the Kodachi HATE! mode too.

"FOUL! FOUL!" she yelled. "What is this!"

I slowly distanced myself from the crazed girls and turned back to the fight. Kodachi dropped the rod and moved the clubs she was holding into position. Suddenly she jabbed furiously at Ranma's face, the blows narrowly avoided by Ranma. And it's a good thing she dodged them too as I saw the glint of metal very, very close to Ranma's face.

"Wait a minute," Yuka said in an actual calm tone. "Do those clubs have spikes?"

"I don't see any," Sayuri said as she squinted at the ring. "Unless they're retractable…"

"I bet they are!" Yuka yelled.

I tried to get away from Sayuri and Yuka before it got violent only to realize I was surrounded by equally pissed Furinkan girls, all with a major beef with Kodachi. And as anyone should know, being surrounded by a large group of angry girls, many of whom knew at least the basics of martial arts, is a very frightening experience.

"**An ingenious pig attack from Ranma Saotome! Is a pig a valid weapon?"**

A deafening roar of approval came from behind me as the judges announced Pchan as a valid weapon. It was like a college football game only with a higher rate of a fight. A sober one at that.

Kodachi's assistant tossed her a hoop from the sidelines which she hurled at Ranma. Ranma jumped over the oncoming hoop which… sliced through the post behind her. "Was that… a razor blade?" Before Sayuri could get an answer (or a riot), Kodachi snapped a ribbon to catch the razor hoop and brought it over Ranma's head and barely missed cutting her in half!

"**Ranma jump ropes the chain knocking away the hoop!" **the loudspeaker boomed as Ranma used the chain that attached Pchan to her wrist to knock away the accident waiting to happen. Akane tossed the clubs to Ranma who started to twirl them like they were nunchaku, although Kodachi didn't seem phased at all. In fact, she extended her arms in a strange arc, each of what looked like the many hands holding a club.

"Holy crap," I muttered. I already knew the secret of 'The Blow of a Thousand Hands' but it was impressive to see it none the less. Kodachi began to attack Ranma with the clubs at full force while the crowd ooed and ahhed.

One of the boys below me that was brave enough to stay near the raged girls section commented to his other brave friend: "It looks like she's using twenty clubs!"

And that assumption proved to be true when Ranma spiked a medicine ball at Kodachi, forcing her to drop the many clubs that she was holding.

"She was using twenty clubs!" Sayuri yelled angrily.

"That's a whole new level of foul play!" Yuka shrieked. I looked down and noticed the guys that were below me had moved away.

Kodachi flipped over Ranma and landed on the post, snapping her ribbon and grabbing the bell on the judges table. "**Oh, a deadly bell assault!"**

"BOO!" Yuka yelled!

"**A pig block from Saotome!** **And the pig is angry… which should be no surprise…**"

I still don't understand why Akane wasn't pissed as hell that her pet pig was being used as a shield.

Kodachi hurtled a _chair a_t Ranma who dodged and tossed the entire judges table into the air with a _ribbon_. "**And she snags the table! What an innovation!" **

That wasn't an innovation, that was down right impossible. But then again, they were talking about Ranma.In speaking of impossible, Kodachi took this opportunity to snag her brother and chucked him at the oncoming table. Not missing a beat, Kuno broke the table in half with his sword.

"**Using one's brother is not considered a barehanded attack! Use of brother is valid!" **

Now that was just stupid. The whole ring was littered with various objects although it seemed that Kuno had decided to not glomp "The Pigtailed Girl" or Akane and stand by and actually watch his sister and one of his loves battle it out. "**It's a battle for the ages! Neither champion yields a single step!"**

I was almost too distracted by the mob behind me and the most idiotic fight in front of me to see Mr. Saotome in his panda form sipping tea with Akane. Smiling, I leaned on the rail in front of me. This was about to get interesting.

Kodachi used her ribbon to snag the hot tea kettle and catch it in her hand. "**And Ranma Saotome retreats! Although that water does look hot…**"

"Come on Ranma!" Sayuri yelled. "It's just some hot water!"

I smirked as Ranma and Pchan jumped into the air only for Kodachi to chuck the kettle at them. The water hit them dead on.

"**Ranma Saotome takes the full force of the boiling attack!**"

Suddenly, I spotted two people in the steam of the hot water falling rapidly to the ring. Although nobody got a chance to really see the second figure in the mist as Akane came out of nowhere with a giant hose, spraying Ranma and Ryoga (now Pchan) with ice cold water. "**What's this? Saotome's second has attacked her with a fire hose!" **Oh, so that's what that thing was.

"**Oh my! The water's carrying her out!**" the announcer said while Ranma desperately tried to swim back into the ring against the current of the fire hose. "**Leaving the ring means instant defeat! Can it all be over!**"

The whole crowd waited apprehensively as Ranma struggled to swim back into the ring. "**Saotome is swimming back into the ring with a tenacity beyond all reason!**"

Seeing this as an opening, Kodachi hurtled a hoop at Ranma who dodged it and jumped down as the hoop cut through the water.

I sighed and dropped my head. Man, this whole thing was just so… _stupid_! I slipped through the bars I was leaning on and landed on my feet on the landing below.

"Hey Rizu!" Yuka yelled. "Where are you going?"

"Bathroom!" I yelled back over the roar of the crowd. "I'll be right back!"

Yuka nodded and turned her whole attention back to the match. I walked out of the stadium into the deserted hallway. Note to self: Don't ever get on the bad side of the girls of Furinkan. The results could get messy.

I spotted a vending machine humming quietly down the hallway and suddenly noticed that I was very thirsty. Checking my pocket for change, I walked up to the machine and inserted the small fifty yen piece, pressing a small orange button. And nothing happened. I waited for a while longer then kicked the machine in frustration. The coin return wasn't working and even when I reached inside the machine I couldn't find any trace of a can of soda.

Karma's a bitch, I thought soberly as I kicked the machine again.

"Whatcha doin?" a nasally voice said behind me. I turned around to see a tall lanky kid with glasses and a very bad acne problem.

"Ugh, the vending machine's being a bitch."

He stepped past me and bent over the soda return slot, and I heard the thud of a soda can.

"Here you go!" he said cheerfully as he handed me my drink.

"Oh my god, how did you do that?" I said, very impressed.

He shrugged. "Eh, I have a broken machine down the street from my house," he said. "You're Rizu Arumigufuchi right?"

I blinked before smiling broadly. "Yeah! How'd you know?"

"Everyone in the school knows about you. And Ranma of course," he said happily. "You two are legends!"

I laughed nervously and scratched the back of my head. "Legends?" I said nervously. "I can see Ranma being a legend but me?"

"Well you never wear the uniform and your hair…" he said, trailing off. "It's like you're fighting the system! And Ranma is the greatest fighter there is since Akane!"

"Dude, I'm not fighting any system," I said nervously.

The kid chuckled. "You're so modest," he said.

I laughed nervously. Who was this kid? "What class are you in?" I asked, playing with my unopened can.

"Oh, I'm a freshman," he said with a big smile. I smiled back, remembering fondly when I had classes I understood.

A huge roar came from the stadium that actually shook the dust from the rafters. "**The victor… Ranma Saotome!**" the loudspeakers yelled.

"Alright!" I said, pumping my fist in the air. "Go Ranma!"

"Yeah, did you see the girls from Furinkan?" the boy said.

"I was sitting with them," I said.

The boy winced and smiled. "Man, I feel sorry for you," he said teasingly. At this time, people began to come out of the stadium, all talking excitedly with their friends about the amazing match they just saw.

"Well I guess I should get going," I said as I turned away. "Thanks again for the soda!"

The boy smiled broadly. "It was no problem," he said. "By the way, I'm Kurizu Arbaru."

"It's nice to meet you Kurizu," I said, extending my hand. Kurizu smiled broadly and shook my hand.

Now this guy is a nice guy, I thought to myself. A little weird, but nice, I thought as he continued to shake my hand. And shake it. And shake it. "Uh, I'd better go," I said nervously, trying to remove my hand from his grip. Problem was Kurizu wasn't letting go. "So I'll see you later then?" I said hopefully. Kurizu just smiled broadly.

"Hey Rizu!" Sayuri said as she approached me. "Get over here!"

I waved my free hand and continued to try to free my hand from Kurizu's. I swear this boy had a grip like none other. Okay, maybe Tsubasa could rival it but the way I was trying to squirm away, it looked like it was impossible. "Hey Kurizu, I gotta go now," I said.

"Okay, I'll see you later!" Kurizu said as he ran away, finally letting go of my hand.

"Oooh, who was that?" Yuka said as she and Sayuri caught up to me.

I blinked several times while Kurizu turned back and waved. "I just met him," I said. "But that was a little creepy." Shaking off the weird feeling, I turned back to Sayuri and Yuka. "So how'd the match go?"

Sayuri shrugged. "Aw man, you missed a great ending!"

"Yeah, it was so cool!" Yuka chimed in. "Ranma revealed that the entire gymnastics team was hiding under the ring and they had nowhere to stand but the poles!"

"So Ranma kicked the pole under Kodachi and knocked her out of the ring!" Sayuri finished for her friend.

A flushed and excited Yuka smiled broadly. "That match was so hot!"

* * *

Special: In the time old tradition of crazed sports fans, I give you… THE OLE MISS FIGHT SONG! LONG LIVE THE SOUTH!

Hotty Toddy, gosh o'mighty,  
Who the Hell are we? Hey!  
Flim bam, bim bam, Ole Miss by damn!

By the way, I **hate** the phrase "That's so hot!" Almost as much as I hate bad grammar. Grr…


	9. Number 1 in the Hood G!

"Here we are," I said as I put down the tray on the table reluctantly. The steam from the noodles were warming my cold hands.

Akane, Sayuri, Yuka, Kotori, and I were all at the ice rink on Sunday morning. I had given up skating earlier than the other girls because I was cold and my pants were wet from falling on my butt so much. Instead I vouched for getting our snacks and terrorizing the people standing next to me (no comment).

"Akane," Sayuri said. "You really should join the skating team."

"We have a skating team?" Kotori asked as she broke her chopsticks.

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Yuka said. "I think the only team we don't have is a basket weaving team!"

"No we do," I said off handedly. "I got invited to join the other day."

"Are you serious?" both Kotori and Akane said to me.

I nodded as I sat down. "Dead serious. I turned them down though, I'd much rather knit."

All four girls stared at me for a second before turning back to their snacks. "Anyway Akane, you should think about the skating team," Sayuri said.

"Yeah," I said. "Anyone who ever said you weren't graceful would have to eat their words!"

Akane gave me a dry look. "Didn't you say I wasn't graceful?" she said in a flat tone.

I shrugged. "Yes, well, I'm eating my words now aren't I?"

Akane rolled her eyes as she looked around. "Oh! I left Pchan in the rink!"

"Why did you bring Pchan anyway?" I asked.

"I thought he'd enjoy ice skating," she said as she stood up looking around for her pet pig.

"But he's a pig," Yuka said. "Pigs don't ice skate."

"Can we talk about this after we find him?" Akane said. I nodded and stood up, trying not to fall because of the thin razors on my shoes. We all split up and searched the ice rink, Akane getting more and more worried with each passing second.

"Rizu!" she yelled as she easily skated up to me. "Have you found him yet?"

I clung onto the wall and shook my head. "Nope, I haven't seen him hon."

Akane chewed her nail nervously and looked around like she was trying to hold back tears. "Where could he have gotten to?" she said nervously.

I've never been one to comfort teary eyed people and I smiled nervously. "Come on Akane, he wanders off all the time! He's probably fine!" Behind Akane I saw a girl with a giant fur coat and a giant hair-do walk out of the building.

"Excuse me miss," a young lady and her partner said to Akane. "Are you looking for a piglet?"

Akane's whole face lit up instantly as she nodded. "Yes, yes! Have you seen him?"

The lady nodded solemnly. "Yes we have. He was knocked out by an extravagant looking skater and taken away."

Akane's face went from happy to 'my world has just been destroyed' in zero point none seconds. "He was kidnapped?" she said weakly.

"I think I just saw her leave," I said carefully.

Akane rounded on me with the speed of light and the determination of a mad woman. "Where did she go!" she said loudly.

"Out, she went out!" I shook my head. "Say what," I said. "Maybe Ranma can help us find him."

Akane sniffed, an angry look still in her eyes. "Okay," she said.

"I'll go get everyone and you start getting your shoes on," I said. Akane nodded and skated hastily off the rink. Now that worried me, Akane never ever reacted this strongly to almost anything. Correction, she reacted strongly a lot, it was just most of the time the reaction was violent. I quickly found the other girls and we followed Akane out of the building.

"Where'd Ranma say he'd be?" Kotori asked.

"At the noodle place down the street," Sayuri said.

Akane was looking around the street anxiously looking like she was about ready to burst. "Akane hon," I said quietly. "You alright?"

She shook her head violently. "I'm worried about him!" she squeaked. Kotori and I exchanged a worried look. This was getting weird.

"Here we are," Yuka said. "Come on, they're all inside."

Akane shook her head and got an angry look in her eye, making us all back away and quickly. She shoved open the door and yelled "Ranma!"

As luck would have it, Ranma was standing right near the door and looking decidedly nervous. He seemed to back away as quickly as he could as Akane got closer. "Wha-what? You want to fight?" he said defensively, already in a fighting stance even while running away.

Akane's pissed off face finally gave way to sobs, making Ranma pause considerably. "There's nothing to cry about!" he yelled at her.

"That's not helping stupid," I said as I walked in.

Ranma ignored me, a little more focused on defending his life. "Who am I to judge if you have…"

"FIND PCHAN!" Akane yelled.

"Sex app… Pchan?" Ranma said confused.

"Yeah, he disappeared," Kotori said as she came in behind me.

"He was kidnapped! There were witnesses!" Sayuri said.

I was about to say something when I got shoved from behind. "Hey!" I said loudly but the girl who bumped into me didn't even acknowledge me. Suddenly I realized who the girl was. "Hey you!" I yelled.

The girl with fur coat and the big hair turned around, Pchan in her arms and squealed loudly. "Sierra!" the girl cried happily while she literally attacked my head.

"What the hell!" I yelled as I tried to get my hair out of her hand while she still held Pchan in the other hand. "Get off my hair!"

"But its Sierra!" she squealed happily.

"Hey, that's Pchan!" I heard Akane say as she sped over to the girl who was still holding onto my hair.

"What are you doing?" the girl said, clutching Pchan to her chest. "She's my widdle Charlotte!"

"He's **my **little Pchan!" Akane retorted.

"No! This is Charlotte! Charlotte!" the girl yelled back while she yanked my hair.

"Eeeowww! Let go!"

Suddenly I heard the door opened behind me and a hand snagged Pchan out of the girl's grasp. The girl was forced to let go of my hair as she jumped up and down, trying to get the piggy back from the Mysterious Hand! "Oh give her back you, you…"

I turned to the door clutching my head to see… wow. He was hot. A tall handsome man about our age stood in the doorway, holding Pchan just out of the girls reach. He swept past me and over to a dazzled Akane, handing her Pchan.

"Yours?" he asked in a deep mysterious voice.

"Uh," Akane stuttered. "Yes." I looked over to see a perturbed Ranma plop down in his seat, pretending not to care that his fiancée was making girly eyes at another dude.

"Forgive my companion's rudeness," the man said.

"That's all right," Akane said while comforting a distraught Pchan. "Thank you."

The man sat down and struck a dramatic pose… which would've been a lot more dramatic if the other girl wasn't assaulting his head with an ash tray yelling "Give back my Charlotte!"

"You see, her hobby is… collecting things," he said. "When she finds something cute, she names it on the spot and takes it home."

"Isn't that illegal?" Hiroshi, one of Ranma's friends that was there said.

The girl with the fur coat picked up a nearby chair and began waking the man over the head screaming "GIMME, GIMME, GIMME!"

"WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT YOU IDIOT!" the man yelled at her, the bumps on his head making him look less than suave.

"Pleeeaaassee?" the girl whined. I shuddered and clutched my head protectively.

The teary eyed girl gave up on the man and glared at Akane. "I challenge you!"

"So you want to fight me?" Akane said defensively.

"Fight?" the girl said. "How vulgar! My challenge is to a skating match!" she said, holding up her razor sharp skates. "If I win, you give back my widdle Charlotte!"

"He's a guy," I muttered to myself, not wanting to draw much attention to myself.

"Aha!" Sayuri said suddenly. "Now I remember those two!"

"You're right!" Yuka said. "They're Kolkhoz's High school's champion freestyle skating pair!"

"See," I said to Kotori. "I told you there was a skating team." Kotori rolled her eyes.

"I'm Azusa Shiratori," the big haired girl said.

"And I'm Mikado Sanzenin," the man said acting modest. Although you would've never known by the little sparkles that danced around the pair.

"Akane!" Sayuri cried. "You shouldn't try to out-skate those two!"

"Yeah, they're the best of the best!" Yuka said to back up Sayuri.

"So what if they are?" Akane said. "I could beat them!"

"Yeah but it's two against one," I said. "You'd be outnumbered."

"So what?" Akane said.

Azusa smirked. "If you want to back down," she said mockingly. "You should do it now."

"Me back down? You're the thief!" Akane yelled back.

Mikado swept past the bickering girls and over to Akane, giving her a disarming look. "I'm sorry," he said. "My partner has caused you trouble. By way of apology…" Without skipping a beat, the man cupped Akane's chin in his hand and tipped her face towards his, preparing to give her a kiss.

I seriously feared of Mikado's life until a small fish cake splatteredd on his cheek. I looked over towards where the fish cake came from to see Ranma, looking very pissed and very dramatic. Mikado smirked as he removed the fish cake from his face and walked over to Ranma.

I rushed over to Akane while Mikado and Ranma confirmed the challenged that was issued. "Akane," I said to her. "You there?" Suddenly I saw something inside Akane's eyes snap.

"I'm gonna kill him!" she growled. I grabbed her arm quickly before she could slaughter Mikado.

"Calm down Akane," I said. "Give it a second." A second later Azusa began to assault Mikado for possession of the fish cake challenge, crying 'Francoise!' Akane's temper died a little at the sight of a humiliated Mikado but not by much.

"Alright guys," Kotori said. "It's time to go."

I nodded, and we as a group left the noodle shop. Before going on our way, I smirked at Ranma. "So Ranma," I said evilly. "What were you saying about Akane's sex appeal when we got there?"

Ranma blushed and tipped his hat over his eyes.

* * *

"So Azusa attacked your hair?" Jhim said with a laugh as we walked into the skating rink. We had talked to Akane earlier and Jhim (who had better balance on the ice than I ever did) had agreed to help Ranma and Ryoga learn how to skate. I decided to tag along just to see how long I could stay on the ice. 

"Shut up man," I defended. "I'm still traumatized by it."

Jhim chuckled but didn't press the matter further as we saw the gang.

"Hey, Rizu," Akane said. "I didn't know you'd be here."

I shrugged and sat down to take my shoes off. "I just decided to tag along." I turned to Ranma (girl form today) and Ryoga, who were having a glaring contest, and smiled. "So boys, any luck yet?"

"YES!" both of them yelled at me. "I'm better than Ryoga of course," Ranma said.

"Liar! I could beat you right now!" Ryoga yelled at Ranma.

Jhim turned to Akane. "I thought Ranma was going to be here," he said, feigning ignorance.

Akane and Ranma laughed nervously. "Oh, no," Akane said. "I was talking about the other Ranma!"

"Uh yeah!" Ranma said. "Since I helped her out with the gymnastics match, I figured I could help her out with this match too!"

"But isn't Pigtail the one who issued the challenge?" I asked, smiling at Ranma who was giving me a death glare.

"He couldn't be here today," Akane said. "He had to… train with his dad!"

"But… you sure do look like Ranma," Jhim said. "Are you sure you're not just Ranma cross dressing or something?"

"IT'S NOT CROSSDRESSING!" Ranma yelled. "I mean…"

I tied my shoelace and stood up. "So guys, are we ready?" I said with a challenge evident in my voice. Both boys (in spirit at least) stood up quickly and glared at each other.

I smiled and walked over to the rink, stepping carefully onto the ice. I grabbed the wall and began to skate cautiously. I turned to look at Jhim and gave him a triumphant look as I began to glide more easily.

Turning back to Ranma and Ryoga, I stuck my tongue out at them. "See?" I called back. "If I can do it, you two should have **no** problem!" That got them both going.

Or at least they tried. Ryoga got two steps onto the ice before he fell on his face, sliding further away. Ranma got a little farther with three steps when she landed on her butt and spun down the ice.

Jhim and Akane made their way to the wayward martial artist and helped them up, both Ranma and Ryoga still stumbling drastically. Man this was going to take awhile.

* * *

The day had, so far, been going my way. I wasn't late for any of my classes, I didn't sleep in any of my classes (an accomplishment, let me tell you) and what's more, I had the entire afternoon to myself. I told Jhim and Akane that I was going to skip out on the skating rink today, giving me oodles of free time. Hmm, 'oodles'. I like that word. 

The weather was as near perfect as it could get. Fall was at its peak, and the wind was blowing gently. The air smelled of apples and the indescribable smell of fall. Yes, nothing could ruin today.

"Sierra!"

I had to say it didn't I?

"Sierra!" I heard Azusa's squeal rapidly approaching, so I did the only thing I could. Run.

"Get away from me!" I yelled as I bolted down the street.

"Give me my Sierra!" Azusa yelled at me. I turned around briefly to see that she had whipped out some very sharp looking scissors and was snapping them dangerously.

That was enough to get me moving. "Didn't your mother tell you not to run with scissors!" I yelled as I ducked around several pedestrians who didn't have the sense to move. Suddenly I saw a shadow over me and it was rapidly becoming bigger.

WHOMP

"Holy hangover!" I yelled at Azusa who had landed on my back, pinning me to the ground. "What is wrong with you!"

Azusa didn't respond as she picked out a chunk of my hair. "Widdle Sierra is coming with me!" she said cheerfully as she pulled out the scissors.

"That's my hair you ditz!"

Azusa looked down at me in disgust. "No it's not, it's my widdle Sierra," she stated matter of factly.

Enough was enough. With a sudden shove, I bucked Azusa off my back and scrambled to stand up to make my escape. I had never been the fastest to get out of the pool and it appeared nothing much had changed as I struggled to get up.

I felt the presence of something approaching my head and ducked just in time to see the open scissors pass over my head. "HOLY SHIT!"

I reached over my head, grabbing whatever was behind me and threw it over my head. Turns out I grabbed Azusa's arms and because I wasn't nearly strong enough to throw someone, she collapsed on me crushing me to the ground. Panic was moving me now as I backed up under Azusa and got to my feet to run away… only to bump into someone. I fell to the ground and looked up to see Mikado standing over me.

Walking swiftly around me, he promptly grabbed the scissors out of Azusa's hands. "What have I told you!" he yelled at her. "No running with scissors! It's dangerous!"

Azusa started to tear up. "B-but Sierra…"

"No! Bad Azusa!" Mikado suddenly turned to me and smiled as he extended a hand. "I'm terribly sorry about that," he said. "She can get a little… over zealous."

"A LITTLE!" I shrieked. "Have you considered a leash for her!"

Mikado smiled his number one suave smile, trying to get out of the situation without a lawsuit to deal with (not that I knew how to sue anyone). "Yes I have actually, but she named it on the spot and I never saw it again." Reaching down, he picked me up and stood me upright. Only problem was he wasn't letting go. "Allow me to apologize," he said as his face got closer to mine.

Now, there's a limit to what a girl can take before she snapped, and I had reached mine. I did the first thing that came to mind: I kicked him in the groin.

Boy let go of me so fast I almost lost my balance. Not missing my chance, I ran off down the street.

* * *

"Holy shit, you did what!" Jhim exclaimed when I told him about the encounter later. 

"I kicked him and ran away. What else was I supposed to do?" I said as I kicked the ground.

"So let me get this straight," Jhim said as we continued to walk down the street. "You got attacked by Azusa, and you, the non-fighter, got away…"

"What does that have to do with anything?" I snapped. "She was trying to stab my head with a pair of fucking scissors for Christ's sake!"

"I get it, just calm down okay?" Jhim said. "So you ran into Mikado who tried to kiss you. So you kicked him in the balls."

"And it worked damn well too!" I said. "Nobody and I mean **nobody** does that to me."

Jhim smiled at me with a new found respect. "Well I'm just glad nobody got too hurt."

"No shit," I said. "And I have all my hair to boot."

"In speaking of that," Jhim said. "I think I have an idea."

* * *

Days passed, and still Ranma had made almost zero progress, although it was very entertaining to watch. Ryoga had somehow wandered off and god knows when we were gonna see him again. 

So it was up to Jhim and Akane to help Ranma learn how to skate, although he insisted on learning in his female form. Jhim had helped her learn to stand at least and for awhile Ranma had accompanied me by skating on the wall. After awhile Akane insisted that Ranma get off of the wall and began to lead her further and further into the middle of the rink.

"Jeez Pigtail," I said one day when we were getting ready to start skating. "You sure do talk a lot about balance but you can't do shit on the ice."

"Shut up!" she said. "I don't see you out there in the middle!"

"Yeah, but I'm not the one that challenged a guy to do something I'd never done before," I retorted. "-And- I'm no martial artist."

"Not from what I hear," Ranma grumbled. "I hear you fought Azusa the other day."

"No, I ran away very successfully," I responded and I pulled my hat down further over my head. It was an old black beanie that I had bought after the 'Sierra Incident'. After that stunt, I wasn't sure I wanted to attract too much attention to my hair. "You ready?" I said as I stood up.

Ranma sighed and walked out onto the ice with me. Akane skated up to meet her and lead her into the middle of the rink to work on posture, a supposedly important thing in figure skating. I once again skated along the wall, not quite confident to stay too far from my path.

"Hey Rizu!" I heard Jhim call as he swiftly skated up to me. "Whatcha doing on the wall?"

"Skating," I said. "Why?"

"Well I thought since you seem to be able to tease Ranma so easily," he said as he grabbed my hand. "We should get you into the middle too."

My eyes widened as Jhim led me into the middle of the rink. "No Jhim. This ain't funny man," I said as I struggled to keep my balance. "Come on Jhim, this ain't funny." Jhim laughed. "Man, where's the confident Rizu I know?" he said.

"On the wall, where I should be," I said. "On the wall."

"Aw come on," he said laughing. "Where's your sense of adventure?" Jhim led me over to where Akane and Ranma were practicing and I tried very hard not to fall.

"Hey Rizu!" Akane said cheerfully. "Nice to see you out here!"

Ranma smirked as best as she could without falling. "S'not so easy is it?" she said.

"Shut up," I muttered as I waved my arms around wildly. I let go of Jhim's hand to regain my balance and promptly fell on my butt.

"Oww…" I whined.

"Here," Jhim said, reaching out to help me up while laughing.

I glared daggers at him and slowly and carefully managed to stand up on my own. "Ha! I did it!" I said triumphantly.

"Great, now try to skate," Akane said.

I stood up straight, took a deep breath, and began to warily skate away from the trio. With each movement, I became a bit more confident until I was able to skate at full strides. Grinning widely, I turned around and skated back to my friends. "HA! I win!" as I bumped into Jhim to stop myself from skating away.

Ranma sniffed. "Big deal," she said. "Come on Akane, let's keep practicing."

I laughed as Akane led Ranma away slowly, Ranma still squatting to keep her balance. Suddenly Jhim grabbed my hand and began to quickly lead me away. "Dude, what's up?"

"We've got some company," he growled. I looked back to see Azusa knocking over Akane, sending Ranma on her way down the rink.

"Oh crap," I muttered. "Hey, you should go help Pigtail," I said to him as Ranma skated backwards, completely out of control.

Before Jhim could even nod, Mikado swooped in and save Ranma from smacking into the wall.

I clenched my fist angrily as I watched Mikado hit on the female Ranma, acting so suave, it made me wanna…

"Ouch! Yo Liz, you wanna let go?" Jhim said. I looked down to see that I was still holding his hand and squeezing it a bit too tightly for comfort.

"Oops, sorry," I muttered as I let go. Suddenly an entire hockey team swooshed out from behind us and surrounded Mikado and Azusa. Mikado put Ranma down next to Akane and took a stance next to Azusa.

"It's the Assault of a Hundred Foes," Jhim said gravely as the entire hockey brigade attacked the skating pair. Working together like a sort of windmill, Azusa and Mikado took down each and every one of the hockey players with ease, ending with a graceful touch.

"Nine seconds flat," I heard one of the hockey players say (more like gurgle really, I'm sure I wanna find out why).

"That's why they're the Golden Pair of martial arts skating!" another one commented.

Out of the blue I heard a commotion behind me and I turned around to see little Pchan sprinting out onto the ice with a pair of skates around his neck. "Well Ryoga's back," I said as Azusa snapped him up.

"Charlotte!" she squealed. "Mommy has a little present just for you!" she said as she snapped on a **pink rhinestone** collar on Pchan's neck. "Ooo, how cute!"

Suddenly I realized why my dad never let us get a rhinestone collar for our dog.

"A collar!" Akane said as she snatched Pchan away from Azusa. "How horrible!" Suddenly she noticed the gold nametag, which read 'Charlotte' in cursive rhinestones. "Don't worry Pchan, I'll get it off," Akane said as she tried to yank the collar off of Pchan.

Azusa laughed. "It's useless! I locked it! If you want to get it off, you have to win the match!"

Akane glowered. "I don't care if you are the 'Golden Pair'! When Ranma and I pair up…"

"Akane!" an uncoordinated female Ranma whined. "Help me! I'm gonna fall if you don't catch me!"

Once again before either Jhim or I could move to help the girl, Mikado swooped in and caught Ranma, skating her around while trying to sweet talk her. And then it happened.

Mikado laid a big smooch on Ranma.

To this day, I'm still not sure how I should've reacted. All I know is laughing probably wasn't the best idea. Ranma (who suddenly could skate very well) fled the rink crying her eyes out. Although I would've cried too in his position. Meanwhile, I almost fell onto the rink laughing.

All of a sudden I heard Mikado gasp. "You!" he exclaimed. "You're the girl who…" he trialed off, not sure if he wanted to reveal that his advances had been spurned in a rather painful way.

"Sierra!" Azusa cried when suddenly she stopped when she noticed all of my hair was tucked under my hat. "Where'd your hair go?" she asked threateningly, skating closer to me than I was comfortable with. "You didn't do anything with Sierra did you?" she asked.

"Hey, back off!" Jhim said, skating a little in front of me. "It' her hair, not one of your bobble heads!"

"Yeah!" I said from behind Jhim, sticking my tongue out at her.

Thinking back, that might not have been the wisest thing to do since A) she was a martial artist of sorts and B) I was in her territory.

Akane quickly skated over to us and glared down Azusa. "Back off Azusa," she growled.

Azusa smirked. "And what are you two going to do about it?" she asked as Mikado skated to her side. "We're the Golden Pair after all."

"That doesn't count for anything!" I yelled at them.

Mikado smirked and shot a glare at me. "Let's make a deal then," he said in his 'best impression' voice. "If Akane and Ranma win the upcoming match, not only will we give the pet back, but we'll leave the miss alone."

I suddenly had a very bad feeling.

"But if we win," he said.

"You'll be forced to give me all of Sierra," Azusa finished. "**All** of her."

"Fine! We accept your challenge!" Akane said.

"We do?" I said.

"Yeah! Akane and Ranma are gonna kick your butt!" Jhim added enthusiastically.

"They are?" I said.

Mikado smirked and gave me a 'cat and mouse' look. "Fine then. Come tomorrow, your hair ours."

"Whoa, what!" I said, the full force of the challenge hitting me in the head. "I'm not shaving off my hair!"

Azusa grinned. "Too bad your friends already decided for you."

If Ranma hadn't shown up I would've had a few choice words for little Miss Creepy. "**SANZENIN!" **A male Ranma yelled angrily as he literally stomped onto the ice. "We'll fight here and now! I can't let you live!"

I whistled admiringly. "Damn do you see that aura?" I said to no one in particular.

"What's this about?" Mikado said.

"For the first time in my whole life," Ranma growled. "I'm really mad!" And to punctuate this point, he punched a hole in the ice causing a crack to form… and form… and form right in front of Mikado.

"I don't know what you're angry about," he said. "But for sin of damaging the sacred rink, you must die!"

"Drama much?" I yelled. "What is this, the church of figure skating!"

"Cut it out," Akane said. "No matter how much I dislike them, the skating rink is to them what the dojo is to a martial artist."

I chewed my tongue nervously. I had never made that connection before and now I felt slightly ashamed. But not much.

Ranma chuckled. "That's great. For the humiliation you've given me, I'll give you back a hundredfold!" He jumped up into the air and headed right for Mikado… who skated to the side, letting Ranma crash into the ice.

But that didn't stop him. Ranma jumped up behind Mikado and tried to punch him, only to miss and fall on the ice again. Unfortunately for Mikado though, Ranma rose slowly from the ice, ready to fight.

And Mikado's sweater got ripped. That my friends, is a forbidden thing to do.

"I don't usually don't use this attack on amateurs," he said to Ranma. "But I'll make an exception." As Ranma charged Mikado again, Mikado began to twirl on the ice, making strange dance movements.

"Whoa! It's the undefeatable Dance of Death!" a hockey player said.

And indeed it appeared to be so as Ranma was caught up in the whirlwind of kicks and punches Mikado was delivering. Finally, Ranma was kicked out of the 'dance' and crashed onto the ice while Mikado came to a full stop, not moving from his position.

"Looks like he's down for the count," another hockey player said as Akane skated up to Ranma's still form.

"Ranma?" she said. "Can you stand up?" Ranma suddenly flipped off of the ice and made a perfect landing on his feet… or he would've if it hadn't have been for the ice. Sighing, Akane grabbed his pigtail and skated off while the hockey players that surrounded us were asking the same thing: Who won?

It became clear though that Ranma had won once Azusa skated up to Mikado and began to doodle on him. Everyone on the hockey team made a mad dash to doodle something on the arrogant skater.

"Hey, I'm gonna go check on Ranma," Jhim said to me.

"Okay, I'll be there in a second," I said as I skated up to the mob. Reaching into the Twighlight Zone, without the purse I might add, I began to hand out pens and markers to all of the hockey players, who took them gladly.

After all the players had doodled to their hearts content and given me back my markers, I skated up to Mikado. Pulling out a piece of paper, I taped it onto his back and wrote:

"Kick Me. I Stole Your Girlfriend."


	10. Clap your hands once! Clap your hands Tw...

I'm sorry. This chapter jumps. Yeah.

* * *

"Come on Liz, we're gonna be late!" Jhim said through the apartment door. "What are you doing in there anyway?" 

I sighed and played with a strand of my hair. "Just a second man," I called back. "I'm just fixing my hair!"

"What? Just put it up like you always do!" Jhim yelled.

I rolled my eyes and opened the door to a frustrated Jhim. "Dude back off, kay? This may be the last time I **ever** get to play with my hair and I want it to look good!"

Jhim looked at me like I was a strange form of animal. "When did you turn into a girl?"

I rolled my eyes and walked back into the apartment. "Whatever, I'll be out in a sec."

Jhim leaned against the door and sighed. "You do know that they're gonna win?" he said.

"Yeah but you never know," I said as I French Braided my hair. I sighed and turned around to face Jhim. "They will win right?"

Jhim rolled his eyes. "Liz, nothing before this has gone wrong. Why should it start now?"

"Because the Powers That Be hate me?" I said flatly. I turned to face myself in the mirror again and sighed. It really wasn't horrible hair. Sure, it was bright pink and in small need of a hair cut, but it was the hair I had and I'd learned to love it. And now I might lose it.

After we had left the rink, Akane and Jhim had by way of apology for betting my hair to a psycho offered to buy me a bag of fireworks each to make me feel better. Only after Akane offered to buy a third bag on Ranma's behalf had I agreed. But even now that I had three big bags of colorful explosives in the Twilight Zone, I was feeling very nervous about the match. I took a deep breath and turned around.

"Alright, you ready to go?"

Jhim nodded enthusiastically and practically pushed me down the stairs.

* * *

Akane had said that we could get sideline seats since we'd helped them out so much. And when I say we, I mean Jhim. I was just along for the ring side view. 

"Hey Rizu! Chimofu!" Akane called as she ran over to us. "I'm so glad you guys could get here!"

"Wouldn't miss it!" Jhim said cheerfully.

Akane nodded happily as we walked over to our seats. "Well we're just about to start here," she said.

"Where's Pigtail?" I asked.

"Over there," Akane said pointing to the entrance to the locker rooms. "He's getting changed right now."

"Shouldn't you be getting ready?" I asked. "The girls costume is always more complicated than the guys you know."

"Yeah, I was about to go do that," Akane said. "I'll see you guys later then!" Jhim and I waved off Akane and sat down.

"Well she seems cheerful," Jhim said.

I nodded, fidgeting in my chair. "I'll be right back," I said as I suddenly started to walk away.

"Where are you going?" Jhim asked.

"Don't worry about it," I said as I waved good-bye. I swiftly walked back to the locker rooms and knocked swiftly on the boy's door. "Hope yall are decent," I called as I opened the door, careful not to see anything I wasn't supposed to see.

As I opened the door, a wave of hot air whooshed out catching me by surprise. I walked in to see Ranma and Mikado glaring at each other, both emitting an impressive aura. "Uh, hope I'm not interrupting something," I said.

Both boys turned on me with very different reactions. "So it is you," Mikado spat. "Are you here to apologize in hopes to recall the wager?"

"Yeah right," I said. "I'm here to talk to Pigtail."

"Huh?" Ranma said. I motioned him out of the locker room and before closing the door, I made a face at Mikado. "So what's up Rizu?" he said.

I glared at him. "Listen here man; your pride ain't the only thing riding on this match so if you don't win I reserve first rights to kill you. If you die during the match, I _will_ bring you back to life and I _will_ kill you again. Understand?"

"Relax," Ranma said laughing. "You don't have to worry! Besides I don't think you could kill me even if you wanted to."

I smiled, a few scenarios involving Ranma's death playing in my head. "You'd be surprised," I said. As I walked away I looked over my shoulder at a confused Ranma. "And Pigtail?" I said. "I wasn't joking."

Ranma blinked. "Oh."

Walking back to our seats, I sat down next to Jhim and pulled out a sucker from my purse.

"What was that about?" Jhim asked.

I shrugged. "Just wanted to wish him good luck is all," I said as I unwrapped the sucker (those big expensive ones you only get once a year because you're only really motivated to get it once a year).

Jhim looked at me then shrugged. "Whatever."

Suddenly the band started to play as the Charlotte Cup was brought in. Which just happened to have little Pchan attached by a chain to the large golden cup. Nice.

"Dude," I said to Jhim. "What are the chances of me breaking him out?"

Jhim looked at the chain that connected the struggling pig to the trophy, then at the large lock that connected them. "Can you pick locks?"

"No."

"Well then the chances are none."

"Aw come on!" I said. "A chain saw might work!"

"No it wouldn't," Jhim said flatly. "The chain on the saw would break, lash back, and your face would be split open."

"Gee, don't get too unrealistic on me now," I said dryly as the announcer began to speak. "Can you pick locks?" I said to him.

"Not really," Jhim said. "It's been a while since I've done it."

I sniffed. "Well there goes my plan."

Jhim looked at me sideways as though trying to decide if I was dangerous or not. "What plan?" he asked warily.

"It's not much of a plan now so why should I tell you what it was?" I said.

Jhim was about to respond when Akane and Ranma waked up in their Chinese styled skating costumes.

"Nice yall," I said with a smile. "Nervous?"

Ranma shook his head violently. "No way!" Akane however didn't look as confident. I smiled at her and she smiled back nervously.

"**Azusa Shiratori and Mikado Sanzenin making a fantastic entrance!**" the announcer said over the loud speaker.

As the 'Golden Skating Pair' glided ina giant roar came from the Kolkhoz High School side, mostly consisting of females. "Eh gad!" I said. "Who are they kidding?"

"Yeah, it's nothing but flash!" Ranma said. "Well, we'll show them flash!" He hoisted Akane onto his shoulder and began to skate out into the rink with a breakneck speed.

Ranma lost control and somehow got bent over backwards while he and Akane spun out of control. "**Well it's Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo making an entrance to knock your socks off!**"

"Wow," Jhim said in a horrific awe. "I didn't know people could bend that way."

"**And the match begins! A match over a pet pig! A no-holds-barred battle to be finished only by a complete knockout!**"

With a 'winners strike first' thought in mind, Akane and Ranma decided to charge Azusa and Mikado head on. Akane grabbed Ranma's hands and launched him towards the pair. Azusa jumped over Ranma while Mikado skated under Ranma to take Akane in his arms while she still had hold of Ranma.

"Pig," I muttered as I watched Ranma trying to stop Mikado from kissing Akane.

"**Ah Sanzenin! Going straight to his specialty 'kiss' attack!**"

While Ranma was busy stopping Mikado, Azusa came from above him and kicked him in the face. Akane threw Mikado off of her and he landed right next to Azusa. Akane picked up a barely conscious Ranma and began to skate towards the charging pair.

Mikado grabbed Azusa and began to twirl her around him in a windmill. Ranma suddenly picked up Akane and freakin threw her over the pair, skated past them and actually landed a hit on Mikado.

"See?" Jhim said. "Everything is going exactly like it's supposed to."

I nodded while I watched Ranma barely catch Akane and because he still couldn't stop on the ice, skate up the oncoming wall and land on his feet with Akane still on his back. "Sure, tell me that now," I said.

"That happened though, you have to admit that," Jhim said.

"Shut up."

Meanwhile Mikado had recovered from Ranma's hit. Lucky for me they were just close enough to hear everything they were saying. "To think that anyone could bring Mikado Sanzenin to his knees."

"What about the girl with Sierra?" Azusa said to Mikado.

"Yeah Mikado," I yelled with a smirk. "What about me? Don't I count?"

Mikado ignored us.

"Next time you pull something like that with Akane," Ranma said threateningly. "I'll do more than bring you to your knees. I'll bring you to your coffin! Got it!"

"What if they cremated Mikado?" Jhim said to me.

"Shh! You're ruining the dramatic tension!"

"Akane is _my _fiancée!" Ranma yelled. "Lay a lip on her and I'll kill you!"

I was doing a small victory dance in my seat. "Yesyesyesyesyes!" I muttered to myself, barely able to keep in my excitement as I watched a shocked Akane become horribly embarrassed.

"Don't get too excited," Jhim said. "Shampoo's coming too."

Well that killed the happy.

Meanwhile the challenge between Mikado and Ranma was still going on. "Your fiancée huh? Such bonds are fragile."

In this case they are…

"And I will do all in my power to break those bonds!"

Now I'm sure that Mikado would have continued to verbalize 'The Golden Pair's' greatness if I hadn't gotten bored. "Shut up man!" I yelled. "Enough talk, start fighting!"

Mikado glared at me. "Would you be quiet you idiot!" he yelled at me. "I'm trying to verbalize 'The Golden Pair's' greatness!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, now start fighting!" I yelled.

Azusa smiled evilly. "It seems the stupid girl want to get it over with and forefeet Sierra."

I glared at Azusa. "Over my dead body!"

"Calm down Rizu," Jhim said to me, grabbing onto my arm like he was trying to restrain me.

"**And it seems to be there's a problem with a nearby spectator,**" the announcer boomed. "**A girl with bright pink hair seems to have lost her mind!" **

Okay, that shut me up. I sat back down in my chair and sulked while Mikado sneered.

"As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," Mikado said to Ranma who was still glowering. "The Golden Skating Pair are also known by another name," he said while he and Azusa paired up and began to charge. "The Anti-Match Makers!"

"**This is it!"** the announcer yelled. "**Mikado Sanzenin and Azusa Shiratori's ultimate move, the Couple Cleaver!" **

Ranma grabbed a dazed Akane and charged forward recklessly towards the oncoming pair. Both Akane and Ranma kicked Mikado right when Azusa jumped over them. Mikado grabbed Ranma's foot and tossed him so that he would break Azusa fall, and Azusa took this opportunity to kiss Ranma on the nose, certainly knocking him off guard.

"What do you think you're doing!" Akane yelled as she skated over towards the Not!couple. While Ranma was recovering from Kiss Shock Azusa grabbed his ankles and brought him down, Ranma catching Akane's hands in the process. Not missing a beat, Mikado picked up the chain of teenagers and began to twirl at a dangerous rate while Azusa stood on his shoulders holding Ranma and Akane on _her _shoulders.

"Man, that would be confusing to write," Jhim said to me. I nodded conformation.

"**This is it!**" the announcer said. "**The Couple Cleaver! The Good-Bye Whirl!** **The secret to this attack is trust! Soon the force of the spinning will boggle the mind of the young man. If he betrays his partner and lets her go, he alone will be spared!" **

Absent-mindedly I looked over towards the announcer to see that Pchan was still struggling to get free. "Uh Jhim," I said nervously. "Ryoga isn't free yet."

"So?" Jhim said. "He got free on his own before."

"How do you know, you didn't see him break free before," I said nervously. I looked towards the rink to see that Akane and Ranma were still suffering the Couple Cleaver, not leaving Ryoga much time to get free, find hot water, cut the lights, and then make his way to the rink.

"Jhim, I'll need your help," I said. "You said you can pick locks right?"

"I used to be able to," he said. "And besides, I don't have the material to do it. I'd need a hair pin or a paper clip."

I reached into the Twilight Zone and pulled out a pack of paper clips and hairpins.

"Why do you have those things?" Jhim said incredulously.

"Don't question the Twilight Zone," I said. "Anyway, I need you to break Pchan loose. Carry him over to the dressing rooms and I'll meet you there."

"I'm sorry, but how am I supposed to release a **pig** and carry him away without being noticed?"

I shrugged. "How should I know?"

Jhim rolled his eyes. "Well it is your plan!"

"Just, I don't know, be discreet," I said as I stood up. "I'm gonna go find some hot water."

"Wait a minute!" Jhim called after me but I was already on my way out. I went behind the bleachers where thousands of kids were cheering for their respective sides to see if there were any food vendors around.

Spotting one, I ran over quickly pulling out my wallet. "Excuse me…"

"Rizu!"

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Kurizu standing behind the counter smiling happily.

"How are you doing?" he asked happily.

"Uh…" I quickly looked around for another vendor or an escape route even although it was a little late for that by now… "I'm fine."

"Is it true that you got your hair bet on this match?" Kurizu asked.

"Yeah…" I heard a crash from the ring, indicating that Azusa had let go of Ranma and Akane. "Listen, do you have any hot water?"

"Sure!" Kurizu said. "How much do you need?"

"Just a cup will do," I said nervously. "How much is that?"

Kurizu waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it, this one's on the house. I'm helping out a friend that goes here so it'll be alright," he said as he reached behind him to get a cup. "Are you sure you don't want any hot chocolate or something?"

"I'm sure!" I said hastily. Time was defiantly running out.

"Alright then!" Kurizu said cheerfully. "So how's it going out there?"

"We're losing," I said woefully. Kurizu was taking waaaay too long with that water.

"So I guess that means you're gonna loose your hair?" Kurizu turned off the tap and wiped off the water that had splashed outside the cup. "That's too bad," he said as he handed me the cup. "I thought you looked really pretty with it."

"Uh… thanks," I said nervously. "I'll see you later!"

"Hey Rizu," Kurizu said before I could sufficiently run away. "Do you, uh, wanna do something after the match or something?"

Aw man! Poor boy looked so embarrassed. "Uh, I can't Kurizu," I said. "I've got… stuff to do."

"Maybe another time then?"

"**What's this? The pig is gone!" **the speakers boomed overhead. It seemed that Jhim had accomplished his job which meant…

"Sorry, I gotta go!" I yelled as I sprinted towards the locker rooms. Which kinda sucked because I had a cup of very hot water in my hands.

I got to the locker rooms to find Jhim waiting impatiently with Pchan squirming in his arms. "Where have you been?" he demanded.

"Sorry," I said. "I got a little detoured." Handing Jhim the cup of hot water, I dug inside my purse until I found exactly what I needed. "Here we are!" I said as I pulled out a set of Ryoga's clothes.

Jhim and Pchan gave me one of the weirdest looks I've ever received. "Why do you have that?" Jhim asked point blank.

"Thought it might come in handy," I said offhandedly. It has absolutely nothing to do with my fangirlness…

Pchan was still looking a bit shocked. "Sorry man, I'll explain later," I said to the small pig. "But right now you need to get out there and help Akane!"

Turning to Jhim I said "I'll go cut the lights, you get Ryoga situated." Jhim nodded conformation and I ran off to the circuit box.

This happened to have a huge switch that was in control of the entire facility. The handle itself was about six inches long attached on both sides by steel to the circuit breaker. The hander of this instrument held power over the entire skating rink. "Dude. That is so cool." However, I wasn't able to savor the moment of cutting off all power as I had a mission. Feeling the cold steel beneath my hand, I pulled down.

The whole place was plunged into such darkness that I couldn't even see my hand in front of me. THAT WAS SO COOL!

It only took a second before I heard the staff coming towards me, yelling something about the circuit breaker. I started to run away, not wanting to get caught when

"OUCH!" That was the problem with being enclosed in total darkness; you can't see a damned thing.

"I heard something over there!" a voice yelled.

"Put the power back on!"

If I didn't get away soon, this wasn't going to end well. Feeling my way along the wall, I **still **ran into something else, something very fleshy. The object I bumped into grabbed my shoulders a little too tightly for comfort. "I got him!"

Suddenly the lights came back on, practically blinding me. I looked up to see a scary looking gorilla like Kolkhoz Hall Monitor looking back at me. "What? A chick?"

For some reason that I still can't explain to this day, I decided like a complete idiot 'Hey, I can make a break for it!' And being a little more impulsive than healthy, that's exactly what I did.

I slid out from underneath the gorilla and started to run away, adrenaline running through my legs.

"Hey! Get back here!" the other hall monitor yelled at me. I looked over my shoulder and stuck my tongue out at him and continued to run.

Of course, it never occurred to me that the Kolkhoz Hall Monitors could be really fast runners, good at Martial Arts, and dealt with run away trouble makers every day. Jumping up and over me, the gorilla duo landed right in front of me, causing me to skid to a halt.

"Did you really think you could get away?" Gorilla One said.

Gorilla Two laughed at me. "You're up against the champions of Martial Arts Hall Monitoring!"

"Are you kidding me!" I yelled. "What is with this school!"

Gorilla One looked at me quizzically when suddenly he punched his palm in realization. "You're the pink haired delinquent of Furinkan aren't you?"

"Why the hell does everyone think I'm a delinquent!" I yelled. "God, first I'm a rebel and now I'm a delinquent! Where do you get these ideas?"

"Having hair of that obscene color is against the rules!" Gorilla Two yelled at me, pointing an accusing finger in my direction. "Mistress Azusa was right to demand it removed!"

"What do you mean 'Mistress Azusa'?" I asked. "Don't tell me yall are the presidents of the 'Azusa Fan Club'?"

"That is affirmative." Gorilla Two said and Gorilla One nodded agreement.

Have I mentioned that Face Faults are really painful? "I was being sarcastic!"

"Enough!" Gorilla One yelled, drawing a 'oh so scary' badge from his jacket. "I, Hall Monitor Captain of Squadron Six, will make it my duty to rid you of your monstrous hair!"

"Agreed!" Gorilla Two yelled. "Hall Monitor Captain of Squadron Five will do this act for Mistress Azusa!"

Meanwhile I was running away. Who has time to listen to those idiots?

"Stop! I said stop!" Gorilla One yelled after me. Yeah, like I was gonna listen to them.

Suddenly something thin and sharp whizzed over my head, just barely missing the skin of my scalp. "DETENTION SLIP BIRAGE!" Gorilla Two yelled as more things flew over my head.

"What the hell is with this school and sharp objects!" I yelled to no one in particular as I ran behind the bleachers. If I had paused to noticed, I would've seen several kids in the bleachers above turning their attention behind them instead of one the skating match.

"HALL MONTIOR SASH TRIP!" Gorilla One yelled behind me as something wrapped around my ankle. A sharp tug brought me rudely to the ground just in time for me to see a Detention Slip of Doom spin right past where my head would've been.

I fell to the ground thanking the Powers That Be briefly for saving my ass when I saw something bright pink flop right down in front of my face. To be more accurate, it was a clump of something that was bright pink, still tied together in a pretty little braid. It looked sort of attractive lying there on the cold concrete, a sharp contrast to it's surroundings.

An ugly black boot came down on the clump of pink, destroying the image. A harsh laugh rang above my head and I looked up to see Gorilla Two. "Do you see now?" he said roughly as Gorilla One joined him. "You can't win. Justice will always prevail."

And while Gorilla One and Two were laughing at me and I was still on the ground, I was hit with a sudden realization.

That was **MY **hair on the ground.

And the fuckers had cut it off.

Suddenly things got very, very red.

Slowly I rose from the ground, my eyes kept locked on the hair on the ground. I couldn't believe it. After I went to all that trouble so that Azusa wouldn't get my hair, it was cut off just like that. By a pair of Azusa fanboys. The irony was awesome.

I kicked Gorilla One in the shin as hard as I could.

I barely heard Gorilla Two yell at me as I punched him in the stomach. He doubled over in more surprise than pain. Gorilla One had since recovered and began to charge me. I slipped out of the way and stuck out my foot, sending Gorilla One crashing into Gorilla Two.

It wasn't long before they were up again, peeved that a mere girl had deterred them so. "Crazy bitch!" Gorilla One yelled. "You'll pay for that!"

I sneered and reached into the Twilight Zone. "Isn't it against school rules to use foul language?" I asked as I pulled out a lighter.

"Lighters are prohibited on school grounds!" Gorilla Two stated angrily.

My laugh was hallow as I glared at the primates. "So are explosives." I reached into my bag and pulled out a nice round firework, similar to the one's Happosai would use eventually. Only mine was purple, therefore much cooler.

The two hall monitors' eyes widened in horror as they began to back away quickly.

Too late.

**BOOM!**

As the smoke cleared and I loaded another firework, I smiled. The shop owner wasn't bragging when he said they were the most powerful fireworks around. "THIS IS FOR MY HAIR YOU BASTARDS!" I yelled as I threw another two fireworks at the mass of smoke.

I couldn't see what was happening anymore, I was just widely throwing fireworks. No wonder Happosai used fireworks, you couldn't get anything better than this! This is what I never got to do in my old world and now, it felt great! And what's best was the bastards deserved it! They mutilated my hair, nearly killed me, they got everything that was coming to them.

As I reached behind me to get another bomb, I felt a hand on my wrist. Turning around I saw Jhim standing behind me, barely seeing him for the smoke. But the look he was giving me was clear. Jhim was pissed.

Before I could even react he was dragging me away from the crowd and into a deserted hallway where he rounded on me angrily.

"What are you thinking!" Jhim raged at me. "We did **not **get you those fireworks to throw around like common weapons! How can you be so… irresponsible!"

All the anger and adrenaline that had been there a few seconds before was suddenly replaced by shame. "But they were throwing sharp object at me. It was self defense."

"Bull shit! You started it by trying to run away! If you had just done what they said nothing would've happened!"

This was the angriest I'd ever seen Jhim, I felt like my dad was yelling at me. "But… my hair…"

"You scared the hell out of me!" Jhim yelled. "I'm watching the match when I hear about two thugs attacking a pink haired girl. I go back there and you know what you're doing? You're blowing up shit!"

I shuffled my feet. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I won't do it again."

Jhim snorted. "Yes you will."

Wow, this really was like talking to my dad. Experience had told me to shut up about now and just agree withwhoever was yelling at me.

"Look Liz,you can't go around blowingstuff up," Jhim said."You're lucky this is an anime or else you would've gotten seriously hurt." He sighed and leaned against a wall, covering hiseyes. "Yousure did make good work out of em. I thought youdidn't fight."

"My dad made me take Tae-Kwon-Do when I was younger. I quit cause I wasn't aggressive enough," I said.

At the last comment Jhim began to laugh. "Says the girl that just blew up some thugs."

"Actually they were champions of Martial Arts Hall Monitoring." Jhim and I looked at each other for a second before bursting out laughing.

"Come on," Jhim said. "We'd better go see Akane."

I nodded and followed him back into the arena. "They won right?"

Jhim nodded. "Yeah, everything happened like it was supposed to. So you don't have to worry about Azusa."

I groaned. "Oh great, that's such good news."

* * *

"Oh my god Rizu, what happened to your hair?" Akane said in horror when Jhim and I walked into the girl's locker room. 

"Azusa didn't get to it, did she?" Yuka asked anxiously.

I shook my head. "No, she wouldn't do that."

"Well then what happened?" Kotori asked.

I laughed nervously and scratched the back of my head. "Well you see there were these guys…"

"So that was you?" Ranma-chan said from the top of the lockers.Her hairwasstill wetfrom jumping into thewaterto save Akane."I thought I heard something."

"But that doesn't explain how you got your hair cut," Akane said.

I fingered what was left of my hair. Two rather large strands had been left in front while the back had been completely demolished, split ends galore. I sighed. "Think what happened with your hair and you get the gist."

Pchan, who was with Akane, looked a bit ashamed as he looked up to Akane.

"That's too bad," Akane said. "I liked it long."

"Yeah, me too," I said downcast.

Jhim shrugged. "I think it'll look better when you get it trimmed up, don't worry."

I nodded as Ranma hopped down from the lockers. "So I guess this means you won't kill me huh?" she said.

I smiled when suddenly the wall crashed in revealing a pissed purpled hair girl with huge clubs. "Ranma! I kill!"

* * *

Did you get any of that? Review and tell me if I screwed up.


	11. I Wanna Be Sedated

"Ranma! I kill!" Shampoo challenged as she bust down the wall.

Ranma, I'll kill you.

"Sha-shampoo!" Ranma-chan stammered. "What are you doing in Japan?"

"KILL!" Shampoo shouted as she attacked Ranma with her huge clubs.

I'm here to kill you.

Ranma jumped over the clubs, still holding onto the blanket that was warming her. "You're the only person," she said as she ducked under another volley of clubs. "I just can't deal with!" With that she threw the blanket at Shampoo, temporarily blinding her. By the time Shampoo had tossed aside the blanket, Ranma-chan had disappeared.

"Ranma!" Shampoo challenged. But when no Ranma popped out to answer Shampoo's call of death, the purple haired hussy got frustrated.

"He's gone," Akane said pointing out the giant hole in the wall Shampoo had made.

"BAD!" Shampoo yelled, hitting a locker with her club and charging out the hole in the wall.

This isn't good.

Akane shook her head and handed Jhim Pchan, walked over to the destroyed locker and pried open the door to reveal Ranma-Chan.

"Care to explain?" she asked dryly.

"It's a long story," Ranma said.

"We've got time," Jhim said.

Ranma-chan looked my way and shook her head. "We'd better not. Rizu looks kinda sick."

Everyone's eyes turned towards me. "Rizu?" Kotori asked. "Are you alright? You look kind of pale."

"A SENTENCE MUST HAVE A SUBJECT AND A VERB! IT JUST DOES!"

Silence greeted my outburst as everyone in the room stared at me in shock.

I smiled happily. "Well I feel better."

* * *

After the match it was just Ranma, Akane, and I as everyone else had to do some errands or something of the sort. Jhim said that he and 'Pchan' were going to the store to buy something to celebrate Ranma and Akane winning the match and would meet us at the dojo. 

"So what the story with you and that girl?" Akane asked again on the way back to the dojo. "Awfully cute wasn't she?"

"Are you crazy!" the now male Ranma exclaimed. "She's trying to kill me!"

"What'd you do to deserve that?" I asked offhandedly. "Stand her up on a date?"

Akane took a swing at Ranma who dodged it easily.

"WHAT! No way!" he yelled at me.

"Of course not!" I said teasingly. "You probably left her the bill after the date and then never called back."

"That's not true!" Ranma yelled as he dodged another attack of Akane's book bag attacks. "I never went out with her!"

"Well then what did you do?" Akane accused, her voice implying that she'd better like the answer or else.

"I didn't do anything!" Ranma protested. "Look, it happened like this. Pop and I were out training one day when we found this village full of Amazons!"

"Like Wonder Woman?" I said.

"Yeah, only Chinese and no superpowers. Anyway, they were having a tournament there and the girl Shampoo won," he said.

"What does that have to do with you?" Akane said.

"Well see, Pop and I had eaten her winnings and so she challenged me."

"Wait, let me guess," I said. "You won?"

Ranma smirked triumphantly. "Of course! Why wouldn't I?"

"Is that why she's after you?" Akane asked.

"Well sorta," Ranma said. "After I defeated her, she kissed me…"

Ranma didn't get any further before Akane tried to kill him. "Whoa, whoa, whoa! I was a girl at the time!" Ranma said.

"So?" I said. "A kiss is a kiss."

"Not this one!" Ranma disputed.

"What made that one any different!" Akane accused.

"Be-cause," Ranma said exasperatingly. "It was a Kiss of Death!"

"Ah, the Kiss of Death!" I said dramatically, throwing my hands into the air. "The final seal for the death of the heart at parting with such a great love!"

"WOULD YOU CUT THAT OUT!" Ranma yelled. "She wants to kill me! The guide said…" Suddenly Ranma brought out a little hand puppet that resembled the Jusenkyo guide. "Amazons have very big pride. Loosing to outsider is worse shame than death! Kiss of Death is promise to chase you to ends of earth and kill!" Putting away the puppet (thank god) Ranma nodded. "And when they say ends of the earth, they mean it!"

"And now she's followed you to Japan," Akane said. "Amazing isn't it?"

"Amazing isn't the word," I said cheerfully.

"Well at least she's cute right?" Akane said to Ranma.

"Would you cut it out?" Ranma said unhappily.

I snickered. "You have a stalker, I don't, you do, you're gonna die, I can sleep at night, ha ha ha ha ha!(1)"

"Shut up."

* * *

"Hello Ranma!" Kasumi said cheerfully as we walked in. "You have a guest." 

Sitting at the Tendo table was Shampoo calmly sipping tea next to a not so calm panda. Ranma had a heart attack.

"Uncle Saotome brought her," Kasumi said.

She followed me! the panda's sign read.

"Are you insane pop!" Ranma hissed, grabbing Genma by the collar.

While watching this ever-so entertaining bit, I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Jhim standing behind me, his arms crossed over his chest. "Hey Jhim," I said cheerfully. "Didcha get the celebration stuff?"

"We need to talk," he said in a dead-pan voice. "Now."

Oh great, now what did I do? Two scoldings in one day; that was a record for me. I followed Jhim into the kitchen where there was pot of hat water on the stove.

"So what's up?" I asked.

"I talked to Ryoga today, explained to him why we knew about his curse," Jhim said.

Oh man, this couldn't be good. If Ryoga, or anyone for that matter, found out what we really were Jhim and I would be in such trouble. "What'd you tell him? Did he buy it?" I asked nervously.

"I told him the usual 'it's not that hard to figure out' and he bought it," Jhim said.

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Aw man, you almost scared me to death!" I said. "Is that all you wanted to tell me?"

"No." Jhim looked just a little annoyed with me. "Ryoga told me that you know about Ranma's curse as well."

"So? You already knew… Oh," I said, suddenly realizing why Jhim was pissed. "You're mad because I didn't tell you that I told Ranma that I knew?"

Jhim nodded. "Do you know why I'm mad about that?"

"Because we agreed we'd do this thing together?" I said nervously.

"So can you tell me why you didn't inform me of this small detail?" Jhim asked.

I smiled nervously and scratched the back of my head. Oh man, he wasn't going to like this. "Because I told her after Kuno told her that he loved her."

Now, I expected an outburst, a heavy sigh, a scolding, anything but Jhim bursting out laughing. "That's it?" he said after he stopped laughing. "God, from the way you were acting I'd thought you'd pushed him in the spring yourself!"

"Wait a minute," I said. "I thought you'd be mad."

"You're right, I would've been," Jhim said. "But there isn't much I can do about it now, is there?" He looked at me and laughed again. "Man, you looked so scared!"

I crossed my arms in a huff. "No I didn't."

"Yes you did, you looked like you were gonna pee in your pants!"

"I did not!"

"Aw, is widdle Wizzy afraid of big ole Jim?" Jhim teased.

"No way!" I said. I took a swing at Jhim and he blocked it easily.

"You can't get away with that," he said. "I've been practicing."

I smirked. "Oh really?" I pretended to punch him in the stomach which he blocked easily. While he blocked my punch I reached up with my other hand and popped him on the head.

Or I would've anyway if it weren't for the fact that Jhim just a bit taller than me and he hadn't blocked it. "See?" he said. "Practice. Something you need."

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

"Well if you're going to be continued to be attacked like you have lately you'll need to learn how to defend yourself."

I opened my mouth in protest but Jhim cut me off. "Without blowing things up," he said flatly.

Suddenly a shrill voice came from the other room. "WHAT IS THIS!"

"Uh-oh," I said. "We'd better get in there."

Jhim nodded and we walked into the family room to see…

"Oh boy." Shampoo was giving Ranma a rather passionate kiss in the middle of several confused or angry people. Ranma was so shocked that he didn't put up much of a fight, which didn't help his situation any.

Akane calmly picked up the broken head of Shampoo's club and chucked it as hard as she could at Ranma's head. It did what it was intended to (if it was to kill Ranma or break the kiss I'm still not sure) and because Shampoo was a little upset at having her… um… partner knocked out, she and Akane commenced a glaring match like none I've ever seen.

"Uh guys…" I said nervously. "Could someone explain what's going on?"

"Indeed," Mr. Tendo said as he charged into the room.

"Oh father!" Kasumi exclaimed. "Well… I'm not sure but it seems that Ranma's girlfriend from China has come to get back together."

"You don't know what you're talking about!" A suddenly revived Ranma protested.

"It seems Kasumi's hit it on the head," Ryoga said as he picked the club off of Ranma's battered (and incredibly durable) head.

"She's never seen me as a guy!" Ranma yelled.

"You're little Shampoo gave you quite a kiss for a first meeting!" Akane said angrily.

It seems Ranma had had enough by now. "Now listen Akane…" he yelled as he confronted his fiancée. Akane slipped into a fighting stance quickly which made Ranma pause. "Forget it. If that's how you all see me…"

"It's hard to see you any other way," Mr. Tendo said as Shampoo attached herself to Ranma again.

Akane was shaking with anger as she rounded on the happy couple. "Ranma! As far as I'm concerned our engagement never happened!" And with that she broke down the screen door and stomped away, leaving little holes in the floor as she went.

"Oh my," Kasumi said in a worried tone. "I hope she's alright."

"I'll go check on her," I volunteered. Maybe I could persuade Akane to be a little less angry if I got to her now instead of later.

"Thank you Rizu," Kasumi said as I ran out after her sister. It didn't take long to find the girl; all I had to do was follow the holes in the ground.

"Akane," I said as I walked into the dojo. Surprisingly she was already in her gi and setting up a dummy. "Uh, do you wear that thing under your uniform or something?" I said.

"No!" Akane yelled as she walked past me, a dummy under her arm. "God, that stupid, stupid, stupid idiot!" she yelled as she slammed the post into the hard ground. "I can't believe him!"

"Are you alright?" I asked nervously.

"YES!" she screamed as she punched the dummy which probably resembled Ranma in her mind. "I'm fine!"

"Well you don't seem fine," I said.

"Of course I am!" Akane yelled. "Why should I care if stupid Ranma," she grunted as she punched the dummy. "Kissed…" Another punch. "That stupid…" Kick to the stomach area. "BIMBO!" With the final word Akane broke the post.

"Whoa," I said while Akane whipped her face.

"I'm gonna get another dummy," she said.

I stepped out her way quickly as she stormed past me into the dojo. "Actually hon, the bimbo kissed him."

"Same thing!" she spat. "Stupid storage closet… unorganized…"

"It's not the same thing," I said. "It's like when Mikado tried to kiss you."

"It's completely different!" Akane shouted. "I actually stopped him before he kissed me."

"No, Pigtail did," I said.

"He did not!"

"Yes he did!" I yelled. "I was there remember!"

Akane was silent as she heaved out another dummy from the closet. "So what if he did? I would've stopped Mikado if he did."

I sighed. Man, this girl could be so bull headed sometimes! "Okay, I will admit Pigtail didn't fight much. But come on! He was expecting a Kiss of Death and that's defiantly not what he got."

Akane snorted. "No kidding."

"Look, if you should be mad at anyone it should be Shampoo," I said. "She's trying to take your man after all."

"HE'S NOT MY MAN!" Akane screamed.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok, you know what? You can go on being angry and miserable. Fine. But I'm telling you, things would be so much better if you just talked to him."

"I don't need to talk to him," she said. "I already know what he's gonna say."

"Oh really?" I said.

"Yeah, he's gonna say something like 'stupid tomboy' or 'you're so uncute' or something like that," Akane said with as much bitterness as she could manage.

Ouch. Who could argue with that? "I still think you should talk to him," I said. "You might be surprised."

"Look Shampoo," I heard Ranma say from around the corner. Akane and I turned to each other and gave each other a look that said 'what's going on?' "Get up to-date!"

I looked at Akane and she nodded as we crept closer to listen better.

"Some law that says if a woman beats you, you have to kill her or if a man beats you, you have to marry him is pure stone-age!" Ranma said to an attentive if oblivious Shampoo.

"Law?" Akane muttered. I just found it amusing that a boy in an arranged marriage was preaching to another girl about 'stone-age' traditions.

"In other words," Kasumi said from behind us.

"It's a pure case of a woman trying to trap a man," Nabiki finished.

"Wait, when'd you guys get here?" I asked.

"Shh, listen!" Nabiki scolded.

"You get it Shampoo?" Ranma said flatly as Shampoo jumped up and gave him a hug. "I don't think you get it."

Shampoo purred something in Chinese and stroked his face.

"That means darling," Nabiki read out of a Chinese translation book.

"Now listen!" Ranma yelled. "I'm not going to marry you! Ever!"

"Aww, he's standing up to her," Kasumi said.

"It's about time he got a backbone," Nabiki muttered. I nodded in agreement but the nasty feeling I had was getting stronger.

Shampoo was violating some serious personal space while she continued to utter Chinese phrases.

"That means 'I love you'," Nabiki helpfully informed us.

"Would you shut up?" Akane snapped.

"So… so you s-see," Ranma stuttered as Shampoo came closer to him (although I'm still not sure how that was possible considering the almost non-existent space between them already). "G-getting married… because… I mean… well…"

"Some backbone," I muttered. Akane was seething.

"So we… we… we…" Ranma stuttered. "We should get to know each other better!"

"Oh my, what a weakling," Kasumi stated plainly.

"Are you following this Akane?" Nabiki asked the possibly catatonic and/or homicidal sister.

Suddenly Genma ran up with his sign (reading 'listen to yourself dolt!') and smacked Ranma into the lower atmosphere.

Nabiki stood up and stretched. "Well that saves him from humiliation for now," she said. "I'll be seeing you girls later."

Kasumi nodded. "Oh! I need to make dinner!" she said. "Rizu, are you staying for dinner?"

I shook my head. "Uh, no I think I should head home," I said.

Kasumi nodded happily. "Akane, would you ask Miss Shampoo if she wants to stay for dinner?"

Akane looked like she had just swallowed an entire bowl of her own cooking with toe fungus sprinkled on top.

"I'll do it Kasumi!" I volunteered quickly.

Kasumi smile cheerfully. "All right then. I'll see you later," she said.

I waved goodbye as Kasumi happily walked off to the kitchen. Turning to Akane, I smiled nervously. "So…"

"I don't care," she said. "He can do whatever he wants."

"Alright Akane, let's take a moment and calm down…"

"I **AM** calm," she growled. "Don't I look calm?"

Whoever said 'the truth is always the best answer' was never confronted with a sixteen year old martial artist with a temper. "O-of course you do!" I laughed nervously.

"Good." With that Akane brushed past me angrily.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Jhim. "Where's she going?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Probably to go find Ranma."

"Shouldn't you have stopped her?" Jhim asked.

"Are you crazy! You go stop her!" I exclaimed.

"Good point."

I sighed. "Ready to go home?"

"Yep."

* * *

It was a good morning for me. I had gone to the salon yesterday and had gotten my hair fixed. I had actually asked them not to do too much to it, going for a more… abnormal style. The bangs and the front part of the hair had remained its original length, trimmed up to frame my face but the same. The rest of my hair had been cut close the base of my skull, the layers getting shorter as it went up. All in all I thought I looked pretty damn good. 

With a new hairstyle I felt refreshed and dressed up for the new look with a low neck yellow tank with black fish-net sleeves and a dark green button-up shirt over it. A pair of denim flares and my clonkers and I was set.

Grabbing my purse I headed out the door happily to meet Jhim on his way out. "Nice hair cut," he said. "It suites you."

"Thanks," I said happily. "Well today should be interesting shouldn't it?" I said as we made our way to the stairs.

"And you get a front row seat," Jhim said.

I nodded morbidly when I heard something I really didn't need to hear that early in the morning.

"Hey Rizu!" Kurizu called, standing next to Kotori at the bottom of the stairs. "I like your hair cut!"

I froze mid-step, a bad idea when walking down stairs. If Jhim hadn't been there to catch me, I would've seriously hurt myself. As it was, I only slightly hurt myself when Jhim lost his balance too and we tumbled down the stairs.

"Ow…" I whined as I slowly sat up. It wasn't that bad though, at least I had landed on something soft.

"Ouch…" Jhim's voice came from beneath me. "My back…"

"Rizu! Are you alright?" Kurizu exclaimed as he quickly pulled me off of Jhim and onto my feet. "You're not hurt or anything are you?"

"Uh… I'm fine." I said. It was true too, after all the slap-stick experiments I'd pulled on myself, it took a lot more than just a tumble down the stairs to mess me up.

"Are you sure? No broken bones? How many fingers am I holding up?" he asked frantically.

"Kurizu, you're not holding up any fingers," I said nervously. "Besides the fall wasn't so bad…"

"Speak for yourself," Jhim muttered as he slowly stood up.

"Are you alright Chimofu?" Kotori asked.

"I'm fine," he said. "Thanks for asking." I had a nasty feeling that comment was directed at me. "You want to introduce your friend Rizu?" he said.

"Uh, sure," I said. "Guys, this is Kurizu…"

"It's nice to meet you!" Kurizu said cheerfully. "I'm in the ninth year and I'm a member of the newspaper club!"

I smiled nervously. This was way too weird for me and that's saying something considering where I lived. And I still wanted to know how the hell Kurizu found out where I lived.

"That's… great. And this is Chimofu and Kotori," I finished. This kid was creepy, the less he knew about me and my friends the better.

Jhim shot me a weird look while Kurizu beamed. "So you're Chimofu," he said happily. "I've heard a lot about you. But don't you go by Jim?"

"No!" I said hastily. "His name is Chimofu!" Well there goes my plan of keeping Kurizu in the dark.

Kurizu smiled. "Well it's nice to meet you Chimofu," sticking out his hand. Jhim took his hand warily and shook it. "And I've already meet Miss Kotori," he said.

"Yeah, by the way," I said. "How'd you find out where I live?"

"Well I ran into your friends yesterday and Miss Kotori told me that you two lived in the same apartment building!"

"Isn't that great?" I said as I shot Kotori a withering glare. "Say, don't you have to get to school?"

"Of course! That's why I'm here! My school's on the way so I thought I just might as well stop by."

"You know you don't have to do that," Jhim said threateningly, still angry about the fall.

"He's right!" I said. "I mean, I don't want to be any trouble or anything…"

"Nonsense!" Kurizu said. "It's no problem, I promise."

Needless to say, the walk to school was a bit awkward. Jhim talked to Kotori while Kurizu monopolized my attention. I never noticed the length of time from seeing the school gates and actually reaching them before today.

"I'll see you later Rizu!" Kurizu called as he headed towards the junior high.

I sighed in relief as he disappeared and rounded on Kotori. "What insanity drove you to tell him where I live!"

Kotori laughed nervously. "He bought me ice cream, what was I supposed to do?"

Jhim snorted. "Quite the little playboy isn't he?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Don't mind me," he said. "I'm just Chimofu remember?" Before I could say anything else he turned on his heels and walked into the building.

"Well… I… argh!" I yelled. "What the hell was that!"

Kotori just chuckled. "Come on Rizu, let's get to class."

* * *

Lunch time arrived too soon for my taste. Akane had been giving Ranma the cold shoulder all day and frankly it was getting annoying. 

"Akane, have you talked to Pigtail yet?" I said as we settled down for lunch in our usual group.

"Who? I don't know anyone named Pigtail," she said bitterly. "And if you're referring to someone named Ranma, I don't know him either."

Now that was just childish. "Come off it! You live with the boy!" I exclaimed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Akane snapped.

I rolled my eyes. Today was just not my day apparently.

"And speaking of stalkers," Sayuri said off-handedly. "I hear Rizu has one of her own."

It took me a while to stop choking on my food. "Wh-what are you talking about?" I protested.

"That creepy little junior high kid," Yuka said. "He bought us ice cream yesterday just so he could ask about you."

"ARE YOU KIDDING!"

Sayuri shook her head. "Nope. He said he was with the school paper but when he asked if you were seeing anyone I figured there was another reason."

"What'chall tell him?" I asked.

"Everything," Yuka said plainly. I glared at her and she shrugged. "He gave us ice cream, what were we supposed to do?"

I groaned and put my head on the desk. "Great, my best friends sell me out for a cheap dairy treat."

"Actually, the price of three ice cream parfaits are kinda expensive theses days," Yuka said.

I lifted my head to glare at her. "You. No more talking. Just, no more."

Suddenly I heard a low rumble vibrating the desk. "Hey, can yall hear that?"

The girls shook their heads just as a huge crater appeared in the wall right behind Ranma.

"What the…" Sayuri muttered when Shampoo burst forth from the crater.

"Male Ranma!" Shampoo exclaimed happily. Well, at least she could tell the difference now without patting his chest.

"Uh Shampoo," Ranma said in a flat tone. "What are you doing?"

"Wife make lunch!" she said in that high pitched, anti-grammar tone of hers as she presented Pchan on a sliver platter… literally.

"Pchan!" Akane exclaimed as she grabbed the unconscious pig off the platter.

"Not girl lunch!" Shampoo yelled. She snatched Pchan from Akane and served him to Ranma on chopsticks.

A disturbed Ranma plucked the pig off the chopsticks and tried to revive him by lightly slapping him.

Now I imagine that Ryoga waking up to Ranma's still disturbed face wasn't a pleasant thing but I still don't think it was absolutely necessary to chomp down on his arm.

"PCHAN!" Akane shrieked. "THANK GOD YOU'RE OKAY!" Shampoo, who was probably kicking herself for not taking the time to actually cook Ranma's lunch, slipped her hand under Akane's chin and kissed her on the cheek.

"Oh my god!" Yuka gasped. "What is she doing?"

Akane smiled grimly and slid back into a fighting stance. "Fine! I accept your challenge!"

"Hey! Wait!" Ranma protested nervously. "The pig's alright so…"

"Shut up!" Akane yelled when punched him out the open window. Turning to Shampoo she said "You and I are going to settle this here and now."

"A slow chick like you," I heard Ranma yell from outside the window. "Has no chance against Shampoo!"

Akane walked over to the window calmly and slammed it shut as Ranma was about to jump through it. "Who's slow!"

"Violent Girl fight?" Shampoo asked superiorly.

Akane glared at her. "Let's go." Before anyone could stop them, Shampoo broke through the opposite window and Akane followed her.

"Oh my god Rizu," Yuka said. "Something bad could happen to her!"

I nodded and was about to leave when Ranma crawled through the window. "Akane!"

"They left through the window!" I said.

"What!" Ranma shouted. "Where'd they go?"

"How should I know?" I said. "They jumped out the freakin window!"

Ranma bounded out through the window, yelling Akane's name frantically.

"Sayuri, Yuka, let's go!" I said. The girl's nodded conformation and followed me down the stairs quickly (oh yeah, like we were gonna go out the window too)

By the time we reached Akane she was already awake and, wait she was talking to Ranma? There was something I was forgetting, I know it…

"Rizu, who is this guy?" Akane asked, pointing to Ranma.

Oh yeah, now I remembered.

* * *

(1)Neurotically Yours: Secret Admirer 

The Liz... is in a really good mood. Probably has something to do with the three Pop Tart packs and the never ending supply of Coke.


	12. One of These Days the Title Will Relate ...

The Liz is so sleepy her brain could fall out and she wouldn't notice.

* * *

"Rizu, who is this guy?" Akane asked, indicating to a bewildered Ranma. 

Yuka, Sayuri, and I exchanged a worried look. This wasn't like earlier when she was being childish, Akane seemed genuinely confused. "Akane hon," I said. "That's Ranma. You know Ranma right?"

Akane shook her head. "Why, am I supposed to?"

"Come on Akane, enough's enough!" Ranma yelled. "You can't say you're still mad?"

Sayuri approached Akane cautiously. "Akane, did you hit your head?"

Akane shook her head. "No! Why is everyone acting like a scared rabbit?"

Yuka smiled. "It's nothing! But where's Shampoo?"

"Yeah, she looked tough," Sayuri said.

Akane laughed happily. "Aw, she wasn't so tough!"

"You were on your back," Ranma stated.

"Who **are** you?" Akane asked in an annoyed tone.

Ranma looked as if he had had enough. "Cut that out!"

"Is this a new student?" she asked us.

"No," I said plainly. "This is Ranma, your fiancée."

Akane looked appalled. "Fiancée? I don't have a fiancée!"

"Actually Akane, you do. He's been living with you for…"

"A long time," Ranma finished.

Akane looked puzzled, trying to remember anything at all about a fiancée named Ranma. "That does sound… sorta familiar…" she muttered. Suddenly she clutched her head as if it were going to explode.

"Akane!" Sayuri yelled. "What's wrong?"

Akane's face suddenly relaxed. "I know!" she exclaimed. "It's the Hindu epic hero, a popular subject in Indian paintings!"

Commence a group face fault. "That's Rama," Ranma stated.

"It's a Cuban dance with two-four time and a powerful beat!" Akane announced.

"That's 'rumba'!"

I could see that Ranma was getting worried now, after all Akane remembered everybody but him. "Ryoga, c'mere," he said as he swiftly picked up Pchan with his foot.

"Stop it!" Akane yelled. "What are you going to do with Pchan?"

"I'm gonna ask him some questions," Ranma said as he began to walk away.

Akane didn't quite agree with that. "Give him back!" she yelled as she tried to kick Ranma in the face. Ranma easily jumped over her foot and used her head to vault off over the wall.

"That jump," Akane muttered. "He's no average boy…"

I rolled my eyes. "We know, we've only been his class mate for over a month."

"Who is he!" Akane yelled.

"We've been telling you!" Yuka said. "It's Ranma!"

Akane looked thoughtful for a moment before turning back to us. "Why's he so worried? I don't know him."

This was more frustrating then Rumiko made it out to be. "He's your fiancé! Your dads arranged the marriage before you were even born!"

"I don't know anything about that," Akane said flatly. "Besides, my dad wouldn't do something like that."

Sayuri, Yuka, and I exchanged glances. "Uh, right."  
"Say Akane," Yuka said. "What do you say we get you to the nurse's office? Just in case."

"I'm telling you guys, I'm fine!" she said. "Shampoo didn't do anything!"

"Suuure." I said. Turning to Sayuri and Yuka, I whispered "I'm gonna get her to Dr. Tofu's. He'll know what to do. Meanwhile if Ranma comes around you can tell him where we are."

"Right," Sayuri said. "We'll tell the teacher too."

The three of us nodded and I turned to Akane. "Come on Akane, why don't we go visit Dr. Tofu," I said happily.

"I'm fine! Really!" Akane said. "You all act like I've got amnesia or something!"

* * *

"So doc," Ranma said. "What's wrong with her?" 

Akane sighed angrily. "Rizu, why is this guy here!"

I rolled my eyes from where I was sitting. "He's a friend of mine," I said plainly. We'd arrived at the clinic quickly due to my insistence and Ranma had shown up only minutes behind us.

"Well," Dr. Tofu said. "No sign of any external injury."

"Isn't that a good thing?" I said.

"Yes… in most cases," Dr. Tofu muttered. "Akane, how did you feel when you woke up?"

"Well, I felt…" Akane said, fingering her hair. "Refreshed!"

Dr. Tofu leaned back on his desk (I had taken his chair… it was spiny!) and burrowed his eyebrows in concentration. "Hmm… could it be..."

"What? What!" Ranma asked urgently.

"It could only be the legendary Shiatsu Martial Art technique," Dr. Tofu announced. "Xi Fa Xiang Gao!"

"I'm sorry," I said. "The what?"

Suddenly the door slammed open as Genma in his panda form came rushing in with a bag of groceries. You're right! his sign announced in bold letters.

"Uncle Saotome?" Akane said quizzically.

I looked at her sharply. "Wait, you remember him but you don't remember Ranma?"

"Who?"

Uhg… "Never mind," I said.

"Did you see the fight?" Ranma asked the panda. Faster than you can say 'Whoa…', Mr. Saotome had whipped out another sign which read The whole shebang!

He proceeded to write another message on another board until Ranma walked up with a kettle of hot water. "Turn human idiot!"

Let me remind you I've never seen the curse actually triggered and while it would've been so much better if I'd seen someone else transform (with actually shape difference), watching a panda transform into a man was pretty awesome.

"Yes," Genma said. "Even now as I recall it, I can only gasp in disbelief. Once Shampoo captured Akane's back, her movements could only be called super human!"

"What'd she do?" I asked.

"She pulled out a shampoo bottle and scrubbed, rinsed, dried and primped Akane's hair!"

"No way!"

"And it all took only fifty-six seconds!"

"That's incredible," Dr. Tofu stammered.

"No wonder I felt so refreshed!" Akane said.

"But what the heck was it?" Ranma asked.

"Xi Fa Xiang Gao Shiatsu," Dr. Tofu said as he walked over to Betty the skeleton. "Is a combination of Chinese herbal shampoo and pressing the points of a skull to manipulate memory."

I sat and chewed my thumb while I listened to the explanation. Granted, something like that could come in use but how would I get a hold of something like that… Wrong train of thought, focus on the matter at hand.

"So that's why you don't remember me!" Ranma exclaimed to Akane.

"Who are you?" Akane asked again.

Apparently the attack also gave the victim the memory of the goldfish. Greeeeat.

"Is there anyway to cure her!" Ranma demanded.

"Not with out the shampoo," Dr. Tofu started but Ranma grabbed Akane and ran out the door shouting for Shampoo.

The doctor sighed and put away Betty. "I should probably do some research," he said.

"Do you think a really good conditioner could work?" I asked as I got up from his chair so he could get to his desk.

Dr. Tofu laughed and shook his head. "No, I don't think so."

Genma scoffed. "That son of mine better find the cure…"

"Yeah," I commented dryly. "It might be hard to marry them off when the bride can't remember the groom for more than five minutes."

"Exactly!" Genma announced. That man has no shame.

"I home," Shampoo announced as she entered the clinic.

My eye twitched while Mr. Saotome had drenched himself in cold water. It's not polite to correct people, it's not polite to correct people, it's not polite to correct people…

"Mr. Saotome, Rizu, this is my new apprentice nurse," Dr. Tofu said. "She'll be staying with me for now."

I smiled nervously. "Isn't that… great?" Why oh why didn't I leave when Ranma and Akane did?

"Hello," the Amazon said. She looked over at me and for some reason narrowed her eyes. Swiftly she walked over to me and immediately started to play with my hair, pulling it at the roots.

"What are you doing!" I yelled as she yanked my hair as if she were checking for lice. "Cut it out!"

Suddenly Shampoo smiled happily and grabbed my hand, squealing something in Chinese rapidly. Honestly, I felt like my head was going to explode with all the words she was shooting at me. "Uh…"

"Well this is interesting," Dr. Tofu said. "It seems she believes you to be of Amazon heritage."

"WHAT!"

I knew it! Genma's sign read.

"But… I… what's going on!" I exclaimed. Dr. Tofu smiled as he said something to Shampoo in Chinese to which she shook her head and said something back.

"She says that you have to be an Amazon because of your hair color," Dr. Tofu commented.

DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! Why was everyone on to me about my hair! "But I'm not an Amazon!" I protested vehemently. "I'd think I'd know if I were!"

"Well maybe you're related to an Amazon," Dr. Tofu said. "It could happen easily here."

Shampoo's smile turned into an inquisitive frown. "Girl no Amazon?"

Twitch. "No, I'm not an Amazon," I said.

"But hair have pink roots."

Twitch twitch. "I'm not an Amazon."

Shampoo's frown deepened. "Girl be proud of Amazon heritage."

Why the hell did she know words like 'heritage' but she couldn't bring herself to use a few pronouns? "Except I'm not an Amazon."

Shampoo stood up straight so she could look down on me. "True. Amazons no have stupid haircut."

My eye was violently twitching now. "I'm sure Amazon's wouldn't have hair cuts like mine but it's better than having to trap a man into a marriage."

"What girl saying?" Shampoo said with a threat in her voice.

"I'm saying that at least I'm not desperate enough for a guy that I have to stoop to such low tactics as the Amazons."

Shampoo growled angrily. "Girl no insult Amazons."

"I'll insult whoever I want until you can learn to use pronouns," I shot back.

Dr. Tofu placed a firm hand on my shoulder. "Calm down Rizu," he said. "Why don't you go to the Tendo's to see how they're doing?" I nodded and brushed past Shampoo who was giving me a superior smirk.

I had the sense to be at least a block away from the clinic before I started to stomp and curse.

* * *

"Hello?" I yelled into the house. "Is anyone here?" 

"Hey Rizu," Nabiki said as she walked in. "Akane isn't home yet."

I frowned, still unhappy about the incident with Shampoo. "She hasn't been home all day?" I said.

Nabiki shook her head. "By the way," she said. "I hear you took Akane to see Dr. Tofu today."

I nodded. "Uh yeah, she got into a fight with Shampoo and got her memory erased."

That caused Nabiki to pause. "She got her memory erased?" she said.

"Well, technically she just can't remember Ranma. Everyone else she knows."

"How'd that happen?"

I shrugged. "Some weird Chinese technique. Hey, can I come in and wait till she gets home?"

Nabiki shrugged and walked into the family room. "Sure, Chimofu's out back."

I kicked off my flip-flops and walked into the family room with Nabiki. A few minutes passed in silence while Nabiki flipped through a magazine and I sat there awkwardly.

"You did hear me say Chimofu's here right?" she said flatly.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"So why are you in here?"

Unfortunately I didn't have a proper answer for her at the moment.

"You guys have a fight?"

Straight to the point ain't she? "Um…" I wasn't all that sure if I should be giving information of that type to Nabiki. "Kinda."

"Did it have to do with the junior high kid?" she asked me as though talking about the weather.

"I guess…"

"Do you like him?"

"Who?"

"The junior high kid."

I almost died. "NO! He's a creepy stalker with way too much time on his hands!"

Nabiki raised an eyebrow at this. "He's stalking you?" she said.

"YEAH! He even found out where I live!" Suddenly I stopped short and glared at Nabiki. "You're not gonna sell him information are you?"

She shrugged. "You presume that I actually have information on you in the first place."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back. "You have information on everyone Nabiki."

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Jeez, you think you're so important."

I glared at her while she continued to flip through the magazine. Finally I slammed my head on the table and groaned. Today was just not my day.

"Oh Rizu!" Kasumi said as she entered the room. "I didn't know you were here. Why aren't you out back with Chimofu?"

I groaned again.

"They're having a lover's spat," Nabiki stated calmly.

"What!" I exclaimed as my head shot up from the table. "We're not lovers!"

"You're not?" Kasumi commented innocently. "I always thought that you two were dating."

"We're not! God, can't a girl have guy friend with him being her boyfriend?" I said. "Sides, he doesn't even like me like that."

"And you do?" Nabiki said coyly.

"**No**."

Kasumi smiled in that weird knowing way. "Why are you two fighting?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Cause he's being a total pansy and got upset when I didn't thank him for breaking my fall."

"Wait, what do you mean 'he broke your fall'?" Nabiki said.

I shrugged. "I fell down the stairs and Jhim tried to save me but ended up falling with me."

"And you didn't say thanks?" Nabiki said dryly (her favorite tone of voice apparently).

"I was distracted!" I defended.

"Well have you said 'thank you' yet?" Kasumi asked.

I blinked while both the Tendo sisters stared at me. "I guess I haven't yet…"

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Well don't you think you should?"

"Well yeah…"

A sigh came from Nabiki as she looked at me levelly. "As much as I enjoy your company Rizu, you should probably go talk to Chimofu." Kasumi nodded happily.

I smiled nervously. "Shouldn't I wait till after he's done practicing?"

"Go. Now," Nabiki said. I nodded and walked out the room without any further argument. As I walked into the kitchen I heard Nabiki remark "Jeez, she's almost as bad as Akane."

I pointedly ignored that comment and walked out to the dojo. Looking inside I saw Mr. Tendo instructing Jhim to concentrate more on his kata.

"What's the matter boy?" he asked Jhim sternly. "You don't seem like you're thinking about what you're doing."

Jhim stood straight in front of Mr. Tendo and bowed. "Sorry sir," he said.

Mr. Tendo sighed. "If you're not going to work hard then you're wasting your time. Come back tomorrow." Jhim looked ashamed as he bowed again to Mr. Tendo who then walked out the dojo, nodding to me as he passed.

Cautiously I looked into the dojo to see Jhim gathering his things, his jerky movements indicating he was more than frustrated. "Hey," I said as I walked in.

Jhim looked over his shoulder and shrugged. "Hey."

"So… how was your day?"

"Alright."

"That's… great." This wasn't going anywhere. "I just wanted to say… thanks for this morning. The… whole… landing on you thing," I said. If this were anymore awkward for me I'd be Akane Tendo.

"No problem," Jhim stated plainly as he picked up his stuff and walked past me.

"So… we're cool now right?" I said.

Jhim shrugged. "Sure. I just wanna know one thing," he said as he turned around to face me. "How come you called me Chimofu? I thought you hated that name."

I looked at him strangely. "Is that why you were mad? Cause I called you Chimofu?"

Jhim stiffened. "No! I just want to know why is all."

I blinked stupidly. That was an odd reaction…. "I just didn't want Kurizu knowing… everything I guess."

"Oh?" Jhim grinned mischievously. "You don't want everyone knowing your pet name for me?"

"Pet… name?" Suddenly my face got really hot. "What the hell makes you think it's a pet name!"

Jhim laughed. "I was just kidding!" he said as he walked away. "You're really touchy about that stuff aren't you?"

I huffed and crossed my arms. "Pet name my ass. Arrogant little…"

* * *

"I'm home!" Akane announced. It had only just gotten dark outside and she was still in her school uniform. 

"Akane!" Kasumi exclaimed as she and Nabiki ran to meet their sister. "Rizu says you've forgotten Ranma!"

"Is that true?" Nabiki asked as I walked in behind her.

"Ranma?" Akane said. "Who's Ranma?"

"Maybe that guy behind you," I said.

Akane whirred around to see Ranma standing there innocently. "What are you doing in my house!" she accused.

"Uh, I've been living here," Ranma replied nervously.

"Weren't you with him the whole afternoon?" I asked Akane.

Akane looked at me strangely. "With who?"

"Ranma."

"Who's Ranma?"

"That guy."

"Ack! What are you doing in my house!"

"I just told you, I've been living here!" Ranma yelled at Akane.

Akane huffed and turned her back on him. "Well you didn't need to yell at me."

I could see Ranma's eye was twitching. "Why you…"

"What's going on?" Jhim said as he walked into the main entrance.

"Akane's forgotten Ranma," Kasumi explained happily.

"And Ranma's about to have a cow," I added.

Suddenly Mr. Tendo popped up behind me with his ultra-scary rays of happy. "Well that's alright!" he said jovially. "As long as my little girl hasn't forgotten about me!"

Akane laughed. "And who are you sir?"

Mr. Tendo's rays of happy died. "It's okay Daddy," Akane said as she patted a sobbing Soun's back. "It was only a joke."

"She seems to be taking this seriously," Nabiki said.

Suddenly an irate Ranma was blinded from behind by large panda hands holding a sign reading 'Guess who?'

"Damn it Pop!" Ranma yelled as he tried to kill the panda… only the panda turned out to be Shampoo with large panda arms. The real Mr. Saotome was laughing in his weird panda way holding a sign reading 'He fell for it!'

Ranma wasn't laughing. "Shampoo you little…"

"Little darling!" Shampoo exclaimed as she glomped Ranma, reinforcing the fact that anyone who calls a loved one 'darling' is a psycho in my mind.

Before Ranma could do anything Akane suddenly elbowed Ranma in the face, bringing him to the ground quickly.

"What you doing!" Shampoo yelled at a bewildered Akane.

Akane looked down at Ranma innocently. "Who are you?"

"This is getting old," Ranma said.

"It was a conditioned reflex!" Nabiki stated.

Kasumi nodded. "Somewhere deep in her heart she still remembers Ranma!"

Akane faced Ranma again. "Ranma huh? You wouldn't happen to be a noodle would you?"

"That's 'ramen'," Ranma said.

Jhim and I looked at each other skeptically. "Somewhere very, very, very deep in her heart I'm assuming," I said to him.

"Seems she likes noodles more than she likes him," Jhim responded.

Meanwhile Shampoo jumped into the air with a bottle of shampoo in her hands, ready to attack Akane's head again. Agitated, Ranma grabbed her wrist and took the shampoo, grabbing Akane with his other hand.

"Lover!" Shampoo called after Ranma only to be ignored. "Shampoo no give up," she growled and ran out the door quickly.

Nabiki shrugged. "Well I guess I should go do my homework," she said. "Tell me when Akane gets cured."

"I'll go get some towels for Akane," Kasumi said cheerfully. Mr. Tendo continued to sob in the corner.

"Feel the love," I muttered when Dr. Tofu walked in with a pamphlet like thing with him.

"Good evening Chimofu, Rizu," he said. "Are Ranma and Akane here?"

"Yeah, down the hall in the bathroom," Jhim said. Dr. Tofu thanked us and then left to tell Ranma the good news about the cure.

"We should probably stall Kasumi till Ranma gets the cure don't you think?" Jhim asked.

I shrugged. "Yeah, probably."

"What about me?" Kasumi asked as she walked back to where we were.

I laughed nervously. "N-nothing Kasumi."

Kasumi smiled generously. "Okay then. I'm going to take these towels to Akane."

"NO!" Jhim and I exclaimed at the same time, grabbing the towels from Kasumi. "That's… alright, we'll take care of it," I said cheerfully.

"Yeah, don't worry about it, really!" Jhim said as we walked back to the bathroom. "Be right back!" We turned the corner leaving behind a confused but pleased Kasumi.

"Well that was easier than I thought it would be," Jhim said.

I nodded and took the towel from Jhim and carried it to the bathroom where I could hear Dr. Tofu explaining to Ranma and Akane about the cure to Akane's memory problem. "Usually something stupid happens like someone coming in and…" That's about the time I walked into the bathroom and slipped on a bar of soap on the ground which sent me flying into Ranma who also lost his balance, and crashing into the already broken sink. Which started to spew water everywhere.

I seriously wish I was joking.

"My back…" Ranma-chan whined from the floor while I sat stunned on her back, cold water spraying me from behind.

"Oh my," I heard from the entrance to the bathroom. "What happened here?" There stood a worried Kasumi within a seven foot radius of Dr. Tofu. Crap.

"Ka-Kasumi!" Dr. Tofu stuttered. "What brings you here?"

"I heard a crash from the kitchen and I thought something might've happened," Kasumi said. "Is everyone alright?"

"Yeah, I think so," Jhim said as the water began to flood the floor.

"Don't worry Kasumi!" Dr. Tofu said nervously. "I can clean up!" With that he promptly dropped to the ground and began to clean the water up… with the cure.

"What are you doing!" Ranma exclaimed.

"Just cleaning up," Dr. Tofu said cheerfully.

I witnessed the scene before me and groaned. "I give up," I said as I fell onto my back.

"Uh Rizu," I heard Akane say.

"Uhm?"

"You might want to get up, the guy you're sitting on doesn't look all that happy."

"Will do."

* * *

"So what were you saying about being stupid?" Jhim said as we walked home that night. 

I groaned. "Would you shut up?" Kasumi had offered to dry my wet clothes so I changed into some spare clothes I had in the Twilight Zone ("Always be prepared!").

We'd stayed long enough to see Ranma off on his quest for the cure to Akane's memory problem and for me to get Akane to help me with my homework ("Hey, I know you've got a memory problem right now but do you remember how to do this problem?")

"Well at least all will be well tomorrow," Jhim said sleepily.

I laughed bitterly and shoved my hands in my pocket. "Speak for yourself. I'm not looking forward to Shampoo's return at all."

"Aw come on, she's not that bad."

"Liar."

Jhim laughed. "Yeah, it's true. But she does have some… redeeming qualities."

"If those redeeming qualities have anything to do with her physical qualities you'd better stop talking now."

Jhim didn't reply.

About half-way to our apartment complex Jhim suddenly stopped. "Aw man, I forgot my bag!" he exclaimed. "I'm going back to get it, I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded and waited till Jhim was out of sight before I continued on my way.

_

* * *

'Very good,' she thought as she watched Rizu walk down the lit street slowly. 'She seems to be adjusting well. I'm glad.' She tucked a stray blonde hair behind her ear and smiled. 'They're both doing well. Now if only Chris could get his head in the game.' _

_Suddenly her watch started to flash, reminding her of the time. She sighed and turned down the street, walking away from the girl she had been observing. 'Back to work,' she thought bitterly as she reached into her purse and brought out a set of elaborate keys. Taking the largest one, she jammed it into a nearby wall and twisted it. A door knob appeared and she opened a door in the wall. With a heavy sigh she pushed up her horn-rimmed glasses and walked through the door, closing it behind her. Only a moment later a small dog ran up and relieved itself on the perfectly normal looking wall. _

* * *

A/N: I might not be able to update for a while. I will explain using Geometry! 

End of the Year equals Freaked Out Teachers

Freaked Out Teachers equals More Homework

Using the Transitive Property of Equality: End of the Year equals More Homework.

**Huzzah!**


	13. Tagteam! The Doubleheader!

Have you ever wondered why the number 13 is unlucky? No? Neither have I...

* * *

_Chris's eyes scanned over the newest information of Cindy's Project. The information was rather standard, consisting of The Project's hobbies, friends, favorite meals, biggest fears, preferred toothpaste flavor... 'She never misses a beat' he thought as he finished reading a list of The Project's favorite movies._

_He opened a file containing pictures of The Project, searching for any clue as to why Cindy would be so interested in this girl. It wasn't everyday after all that the head of SI Corps would personally be involved with a client. As he looked over the pictures, he noticed one person in particular. In almost every picture of The Project was a young man, about a year older than her. _

_Chris zoomed in on the boy's face. 'I know I've seen him before,' he thought grimly. 'Why's he always hanging around Rizu though?' Chris squinted, trying to remember where he might've seen this boy's face before. 'Could he be… no, Cindy would've told me… wouldn't she?' Chris tapped the screen, a mischievous smile on his face. "I think I should get to know this guy better."

* * *

_

A shiver went down my spine, although that might've had to do with the skimpy gym uniforms we were wearing. Apparently people don't care if you don't wear the regular school uniform but you **had** to wear the gym outfit. Even if the shorts gave you a wedgie. 

"He's doing it again," Sayuri said bitterly.

"Who?" I asked.

"Gosunkugi's taking pictures of Akane," Sayuri said.

I looked out the window to see a scrawny, unhealthy looking kid taking picture after picture of Akane, who was currently on the balance beam. "So?"

"So? It's rude!" Yuka snapped. "Taking pictures of only Akane, it's just like telling a girl she's ugly or something!"

Sayuri and I starred at Yuka. "You **want** to be stalked?" I asked incredulously.

Yuka's face reddened. "NO! I didn't say that! I just said it's rude to Akane!"

I shook my head. "So have you told her yet?"

Sayuri shrugged. "It always escapes my mind," she said. "Things like that tend to happen with Gosunkugi."

"What, the picture taking or the escaping of the mind?"

"The escaping of the mind."

I shrugged and turned my attention back to the balance beam. It'd be my turn after Akane's and this was a feat I never looked forward to.

* * *

"So you know now?" I asked Jhim. "Officially and all?" 

Jhim nodded cheerfully. "Yep, I showed up right when Ranma was revealing he was really a girl," he said as he popped open the soda can. "Funny thing was they thought I already knew about it."

I looked up at Jhim warily. "Why would they think that?"

Jhim shrugged. "Seems they thought you'd told me about it a long time ago, so it was kinda awkward when I told them that I didn't know about his curse till that moment."

"Nice to see people trust me," I grumbled. The man behind the ice cream booth sure was taking his time with our ice cream. Must've been perfecting it so that we got maximum ice cream-age. Yeah. I'll go with that.

Jhim laughed as the man behind the booth finally gave him two cones. "Here, it'll make you feel better," he said as he handed me one.

It was a nice day that gave a person the feeling of wanting to go outside and enjoy themselves. Teenagers peered in windows; house wives browsed the many booths and shops while trying to keep an eye on their kids. "It almost seems normal," I said softly.

"Hmm?" Jhim asked. "What'd you say?"

I smiled lazily. "Nothing, s'all good."

Jhim shrugged and walked ahead. "So how's class been going?"

"Well Gosunkugi's been stalking Ranma. It's kinda funny really," I said. "Akane has to be the most oblivious person I know because Gosunkugi is the worst stalker **ever**."

"You figure this out now?" Jhim commented dryly. "I thought you read the manga."

"Of course I did!" I stated.

Suddenly, a flash of light came from behind one of the nearby carts, surprising me into dropping my ice cream cone.

"Oops," I heard a voice say from where the camera flash came from. "Sorry about that Riz-chan." I looked over to see Kurizu coming out from behind the cart, camera around his neck.

"Speaking of stalkers," Jhim muttered under his breath.

"Kurizu! What are you doing here!" I yelled.

Kurizu smiled and scratched the back of his head. "Well I was out here taking pictures for the school paper when I saw you, and well…" he said. "I couldn't resist! It was such a cute photo opportunity!"

_Don't you even act like you're embarrassed you little psycho._

I dropped my head. This guy was going to kill me one of these days, I knew it. "Couldn't you warn me next time?" I said.

"But Riz-chan is so shy about taking pictures," Kurizu said. "And besides, I like pictures of you in your natural beauty, not a fake pose."

"Uh yeah," I said. "Didn't I ask you not to call me Riz-chan?"

Kurizu beamed. "But it suits you! A cute name for a cute girl!"

At this point I was wondering who I'd killed in the past life. Jhim rolled his eyes. "Come on Rizu, we'd better get going," he said, more to Kurizu than to me.

"But I found a shop just down the street that Riz-chan would love!" Kurizu said. "It's got all sorts of cosplay stuff and I know how much you like that stuff Riz-chan," he said to me. Turning to Jhim he said in a deadpan tone "You can go if you want, it seems like you're in a hurry."

Jhim's face had a strained smile on it. "No, I'd love to come along," he said.

Kurizu smiled back brightly and grabbed my hand. "Alright then! Come on Riz-chan," he said.

* * *

I had to give the kid one thing: he knew my tastes. I'm not sure if that's a good thing considering who it was but at the time I didn't care. 

"Ohmygodit'sthecutestEVER!" I squealed. There were chibi-anime keychains, necklaces, random accessories, and weapons as far as the eye could see (right to the back of the store). The best part though was the giant wall of hats! Kitty hats, puppy ears, random Mario mushroom hats, everything was there!

"This is so cool!" I said, grabbing various hats and trying them on.

Kurizu beamed, obviously proud of himself. "See?" he said, elbowing Jhim in the ribs repeatedly. "I told you Riz-chan would like this place."

Jhim glared at him. "Stop elbowing me. It's annoying."

Kurizu laughed heartily under Jhim's glare. "I don't get why Riz-chan likes you so much Chimofu, you're always so moody."

"At least I'm not an annoying little brat who can't take a hint," Jhim replied icily.

_Time to change the subject… _"Yeah well I got you both beat cause I'm a pink haired freak with an explosive fetish," I said, smiling broadly.

Both boys shrugged. "So?"

"Tell us something we don't know."

_Ouch. _"Hey, wait a minute…"

"Excuse me," the lady behind the counter said. "Are you going to buy something?"

"Yeah, just a second," I said. I started digging around in my purse, trying to find my wallet. "What the?" I pulled out a small straw doll. "I don't remember putting that in there."

Kurizu looked over my shoulder at the doll and shrugged. "It's probably Gosunkugi's," Kurizu said.

"How do you know Gosunkugi?" I asked. "You don't go to our school."

"It's got his name on it," he pointed out. "See? Right on the back there." Sure enough, Gosunkugi's name was written on the back of the voodoo doll.

_But why was it in my purse?_

"Ma'am?" the register lady said impatiently. "We're about to close so if you could make your purchace…"

"Oh, right," I said. While the lady bagged up my new kitty hat, I wondered why the hell Gosunkugi's doll was in my purse. Maybe he dropped it in there by mistake? No, that didn't seem very likely. Maybe it was a glitch in the Twilight Zone. That was the most likely possibility.

_Or maybe,_ I thought as we walked out of the store. _Maybe I've stumbled upon a new idea.

* * *

_

I giggled as we walked towards the Tendo dojo, clutching my hat happily. Kurizu's beeper had suddenly gone off (who knew a kid like that had a beeper?) so Jhim and I continued on so I could show Ranma my new hat ("That's cruel Liz." "Yeah but it's funny!"). "Creepiness aside, Kurizu knows a thing or two about how to make a girl happy," I commented. 

Jhim grunted while studying a piece of paper in his hands. "Hey Liz, you might wanna take a look at this," he said, handing me the paper. It was a receipt from the bank that had been crumpled up.

"Isn't it kinda rude to look at other people's receipts?" I said as I looked down at the total balance. "Besides, I don't see what the big deal is. That's an okay amount of money in there."

"That's your receipt. It fell out of your purse," Jhim said.

"WHAT!" A quick scan of the paper confirmed that it was indeed mine. "HOW'D THAT HAPPEN!"

"Maybe you eat out too much," Jhim said. "Food'll eat up your budget fast."

"This can't be right," I said alarmed. "I could've sworn I had more in there!" While what I had in there was indeed 'an okay sum of money', it was defiantly not enough to get me through the remainder of the story plot. In fact it might not last out for the next two months. "I can't live on this!"

Jhim chuckled. "Well you could get a job," he said. "And it wouldn't hurt your figure if you didn't eat out as much."

I glared daggers at him. "You wanna repeat that?" I growled. Jhim shook his head. "But still," I said as I turned back to the receipt. "Where am I gonna get a job?"

"Why don't you see if that music store is hiring?" Jhim said. "You know, that one with the hippie and the Beatles stuff?"

"That's a great idea!" I exclaimed. "She's always telling me to drop out of school and work there!"

Jhim smiled nervously. "Well, I never said you should drop out…"

Suddenly a shrill scream pierced the air, coming from inside the dojo. "You don't think?" I asked.

Jhim nodded. "Looks like Ranma found Hanachiyo."

Not wanting to miss a minute of this, we ran to the dojo at a full sprint. We arrived to see Ranma (in his girl form) clutching Mr. Tendo's head in sheer terror of the fat old cat Genma was holding out in front of him. "What's going on?" I asked.

Ranma took one look at me and paled. "C-cc-ca-cat!" she stuttered, then promptly falling to the ground unconscious.

"What was that?" I asked.

Jhim nudged me and indicated to my kitty hat.

_Oh. That.

* * *

_

_Just one more…_ I thought. _Carefully…carefully…_With shaking hands, I positioned the two cards over the tower and slowly lowered them onto their designated spot. "Success!" I whispered triumphantly as I leaned back to observe the fruits of my labors. 

"Hey everyone!" someone yelled from the doorway suddenly, causing me to jump in my seat, bumping the desk with my knees. "Something's going on down at the gym!" As the majority of the class left despite the teacher's protest, I sadly watched the remains of my tower float to the ground.

Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have been building a tower of cards in the first place, being in class and all. But still, to watch something that you've momentarily put so much energy into fall to the ground can kill your spirit. Alright, probably not your spirit but it's not very pleasant.

Grumbling under my breath, I stood up and looked out the window to see what all the hoop-la was about.

And saw Ranma, sitting up in a tree scratching his ear with his foot. _Alright, let the fun begin!_

"Rizu!" Akane yelled from the ground below. "There's something wrong with Ranma!"

"I'll say," I commented as Ranma continued to scratch the back of his ear. "People aren't meant to be that flexible."

"Not that!" Akane yelled, stomping her foot in frustration. "He's not acting normal!"

I looked at Ranma who ignored the commotion around him, deciding that using the tree as a scratching post was a better idea. "Hmm… you're right," I mused. "He's a lot more quiet than usual."

"Help us get him down!" Akane yelled.

"Nobody can reach him now," Genma stated as he strolled up to Akane. It's rather uncanny how people were just able to show up out of the blue ready to reveal everything they know about a deep dark past.

"Mr. Saotome," Akane said. "What's wrong with him?"

"When Ranma's fear of cats becomes overwhelming," Genma began as he rummaged through his pack. "He escapes his fear by becoming a cat himself!"

Everyone gasped in amazement… except me. You don't have to read much fanfiction to become thoroughly acquainted with the "Cat-Fu" arch.

"So what do we do now?" Akane asked.

"The only thing that has snapped him out of this," Genma said, taking out various objects from his pack. "Was an old woman who once lived in our neighborhood."

"Then we have to go find that old woman!" Akane exclaimed.

"No," Genma said in a dramatic tone. "**I** will have to do!"

_Oh that's not pretty._ I cringed when I saw Genma decked out in his worst 'old woman' costume. _At least I hope that's the worst…_ _Damn, I didn't even blink and he changed!_ Tucking this incident away for further investigation, I backed away from the window and down the stairs.

_I suppose now is the best time to test it if any,_ I thought as I ran towards the violent yowls that were coming from around the corner. Ever since I'd found Gosunkugi's doll the other day, I'd been experimenting with the limits of my personal piece of the Twilight Zone. In other words, I'd been trying to take out things that weren't mine.

It occurred to me that the Twilight Zone of many stories was just one big junk yard, providing the user with whatever was useful in the situation it was being applied to. It was only a theory of course, and one I hadn't looked into much. But if I was right, then this would be the time to prove it.

As I rounded the corner, Ranma was running away on all fours. "Akane!" I yelled to the distraught girl. I reached behind me and pulled out something large and heavy. "Catch!" I yelled as I tossed the bag to her.

Akane caught it easily and looked inside the bag. "Catnip! That's it!" she exclaimed. "No cat can resist the stuff!"

_Yes! Score for the Liz!_ My victory dance would have to wait though; right now there were more pressing matters.

Akane attached the bag of catnip to an arrow and shot it at Ranma… or at least in his general direction. The result was the same though, Ranma sliced the bag open, catnip flying in his face. One sniff and he was down for the count, purring happily and acting a little… odd.

"What do you think is in that stuff anyway?" I asked Akane. Suddenly Ranma jumped from his pile of catnip and towards Akane.

"Akane! Look out!" Sayuri yelled.

WHOMP!

I looked down to see Akane's face braced for an impact while Ranma purred happily on her lap. It didn't take long for Akane to realize she wasn't being clawed to death, but it did take her a second to notice her fiancé sitting on her lap like nothing was wrong.

"She did it!" one of the basketball players shouted triumphantly.

"Amazing Akane!" Yuka exclaimed.

"I guess he knows his fiancée," Sayuri giggled.

"His- no! That's not it!" Akane protested vehemently. She looked down at Ranma sharply. "Come on! Get off!"

Ranma looked up at her innocently. And I backed away.

"I said…" Akane said before she was cut off. Even I was shocked by the scene of Ranma kissing Akane in front of the entire school. I mean, that's not something you see everyday. _Or ever again for that matter…_

The kiss really wasn't a kiss as much as it was a peck on the lips. It was enough however to shock the hell out of Akane. And a shocked Akane is a violent Akane.

"You… IDIOT!" Picking up Ranma by scruff of his shirt, Akane punched him into the lower atmosphere.

"Was that their first kiss?" one girl whispered to her friend.

The friend shrugged. "Looks like it," she whispered back.

Akane looked like she was ready to cry… or trigger the Apocalypse. Maybe both. Angrily, she stomped back into the school, although the stomps were rather weak.

"Akane," Sayuri said quietly, being the closest one to her at the time. "You alright?"

Akane stopped and straightened her back. "I'M GOING HOME!"

* * *

It was rather odd going shopping by myself, not that I minded horribly. I was more of an introvert then most people knew, needing time by myself to 'recharge'. 

The Amazons were coming back; Shampoo was probably already here. I knew that to survive the rest of the story (_HA!_), I had to avoid them at all costs. If Shampoo had told Cologne her theory on my heritage, Cologne would most likely be investigating my past. Problem was that I didn't have a past, at least not one that she'd buy. The last thing I needed was a manipulative Amazon finding out about my "unique situation".

I sighed heavily when I heard a rap on the window next to me. Looking up I saw Kotori, Sayuri, and Yuka inside the ice cream parlor grinning like idiots. Kotori motioned for me to come inside while Yuka made exaggerated pointing motions to the large ice cream sundaes they were eating.

I grinned back, taking the hint and walking into the restaurant. **Never** turn down an offer for food, that's my motto.

"Rizu! We were just talking about you!" Sayuri said as I sat down next to Kotori. "You gonna order something?"

"Actually, I'm a little short on money right now…" I said in my best 'I'm so embarrassed about this give me money' tone.

"No problem, I got it," Yuka said as the waiter came up to the table. I smiled and ordered my ice cream parfait. _And another one falls victim to The Liz's Mooching skillz._ Don't get me wrong here, I'd rather pay for my own meals than have a friend do it for me most of the time. Most of the time.

"Out shopping?" Kotori asked. "Watcha get?"

"Dinner," I said.

"The usual ramen and hot dogs huh?"

"Maaaayybe," I said as the waiter placed my sundae in front of me. "So what if it is?" _Ah, sweet dairy treat bliss! How I've missed it in the last few days!_

"Jeez Rizu," Yuka said while I shoveled ice cream in my mouth. "Don't you watch your figure?"

"Says the girl with the ultimate banana split," I said. "All to herself."

Yuka frowned, her face slightly red. "At least slow down a little, you're gonna get brain freeze."

Sayuri laughed and poked Yuka's stomach. "Sure, get the attention away from yourself."

"Speaking of brain freeze," Kotori said suddenly. "Is it true Ranma kissed Akane for the first time today?"

"It looked like it might've been the first time," Yuka said. "But they are engaged. Maybe it was just they're first time in public?"

"No, it was defiantly their first kiss," I said. "By the way Akane reacted you'd think he'd done more than kiss her."

"Maybe he did do more," Sayuri said bitterly. "I wouldn't put it past him."

"Aw come on," I said. "He may be an idiot but he's no Casanova."

Sayuri made a rude noise and dug into her ice cream. "In any case Akane could do so much better than him."

Yuka and Kotori nodded in agreement. "He may be a hunk but he has the maturity level of a monkey," Yuka said.

"Of course he does, I mean look at how he was raised!" Kotori said. "Constantly traveling and fighting, it's no wonder he's such a goober."

I snickered. _Goober, hehe_. "Really guys, he's not that bad. And besides, he's practically made for Akane."

"Says you," Yuka said. "I still think Akane could get a nicer guy."

I sighed and finished off my ice cream while the other girls continued to discuss everyone's love interests. _For joy._

_

* * *

_

The Liz says Monkey. 


	14. EYES THAT ATE THE WORLD

Mm… I should probably explain my absence… yes… Well for one thing, I had a new chapter all ready to go… then my computer died… and his memory was wiped… so there went the new chapter… /bites thumb/… yeah… then I rewrote the chapter… but then my internet wouldn't work… so yeah. Enjoy.

* * *

The sky overhead was a crisp blue, a sharp contrast to the dark windows of the Good Vibes Record Store. Which was weird in itself, considering that the store should've been open for at least an hour by now. After all, it **was** ten o'clock. 

Now on a normal Sunday morning I'd still be in bed and would remain there for at least another hour. But today was a special day: it was the day I applied for my first job. All morning and most of last night I'd been reassuring myself that the job at the record store was practically made for me, but I felt nervous none the less. I'd woken up early and joined the morning crowd at the bath house to make sure I looked my best. I'd even attempted to fill out a résumé (with Jhim's help of course).

All that for nothing.

The giant sign mocked me openly, reading in bright cheerful letters "Out of Business". I stared stupidly at the sign, trying to place in my mind just when the store showed signs of failing. Finally I shrugged and turned on my heel, a little sad I didn't say good-bye to Sunny, a little angry at putting myself in a situation where I had to go job hunting, but over all very hungry. _Who knows, I might find a job opportunity along the way, _I thought optimistically.

Famous last words.

* * *

Ever get that feeling of impending doom while walking down the street? Like, if your life had background music, the tempo would become faster and the overall mood would be really fidgety and dark. And the people in the movie just go along la-di-da, never suspecting their fate because they can't hear the background music going "DUN DUN DUUUUN!" 

My background music was set to something from the 'Lord of the Rings' soundtrack, and not one of the pretty ones either. No way, that'd be too easy. But of course I couldn't hear the music that was warning me of the oncoming danger, so I continued down the street, strolling happily along looking for a decent restaurant.

That was when I smelled it. It was a very rich smell, smooth with small punctures of spices. _Mmm… noodles._

Right then and there some major bells should've gone off in my head (sirens actually, but who wants to get picky?) but it was ignored, just as the background music was. I really have to turn that volume up sometime.

I followed the smell, my stomach getting louder as I got closer. Finally I saw where the food smell was coming from. It was a decent sized restaurant, freshly cleaned and painted with a giant "Grand Opening" sign out front.

Now I'm not a stupid person and despite being accused of thinking with my stomach more than my brain on several occasions, the restaurant name stopped me dead in my tracks. In big, neat letters "Neko Hanten" was written across the front of the building.

_Ah. Well at least I didn't go in._

At that moment I heard two voices behind me, two hungry voices that indicated they were in the mood for ramen.

"Man I'm hungry," Sayuri whined.

"I hear there's a new ramen shop just up the street," Yuka replied. "You wanna check it out?"

"You bet! I'd love some ramen right now!"

My powers of observation rarely let me down. If the two girls were to spot me, they might force me to come into the restaurant and order lunch with them. This couldn't happen. _Right. Time to run away._

"Hey look, it's Rizu! Hey Rizu!" Sayuri yelled at me from behind.

_To run away or not to run away, that is the question. _

"Rizu! Hey, we're back here!"

_Wither tis nobler of the mind to desert my friends or to suffer the consequences of my restaurant choice._

Suddenly I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and looked back to see an irate Sayuri. "Are you okay? You didn't respond when we called you."

"Yeah, you looked totally lost in thought," Yuka added, walking up beside me.

"Well, sorta…" I said. _You can still bolt Liz, go, go, go!_

"Anyway, we're about to go eat. You wanna come?"

Before I could respond, my stomach gave an obnoxious gurgle. _Curse you stomach! You've betrayed me again!_

"I'll say that's a yes!" Yuka giggled. "Come on, the restaurant's right there."

As my friends walked ahead of me, I sighed in defeat. _Eh, tis the decision of the Powers the Be, _I thought morbidly. _Maybe they have a special 'Alleged Amazon Relations' discount price. _But just in case I reached into my purse and pulled out my old black hat.

The restaurant was crowded with Sunday morning shoppers, ranging from young mothers with their children to young teenagers. I nervously played with my hands while Sayuri and Yuka chatted pleasantly.

"So Rizu, why are you out so early?" Yuka asked me.

"Job hunting," I said shortly, feeling very venerable and fidgety. _I don't like this place, I don't like this place, I don't like this place…_

"Job hunting? What do you need a job for?" Sayuri said.

"I was running out of money and my parents didn't want to send me any more than necessary," I lied quickly. "Hence the need for a job."

"Welcome to Neko Hanten. Table for three?" a young voice asked pleasantly. I looked up from the ground and quickly looked back down. Shampoo smiled cheerfully at our small party, her demeanor **very** different from when Sayuri and Yuka had seen her last.

"Sh-shampoo?" Yuka gaped. "What are you doing here?"

Shampoo looked at Yuka quizzically. "Shampoo know?" she said simply (_Simple-minded that is_).

"We were there when you broke into the locker room," Sayuri supplied. "You were looking for Ranma, remember?"

Shampoo frowned, as if trying to remember an insignificant detail. "Oh yes, Shampoo remember," she said finally with a false smile. It was obvious she didn't remember either one of the bystanders. "Please come this way," she said, leading us to a table near the kitchen. "Shampoo be right with you."

I sat down quickly and opened up my menu, keeping my eyes down.

"Jeez Rizu, what's the matter?" Sayuri asked. "You act like you're a wanted criminal or something."

"Is it because you don't like Shampoo?" Yuka said.

"Not exactly…" I muttered.

"At least take your hat off," Yuka said, making a swipe at my head.

"No!" I exclaimed, clutching my hat protectively.

"It's rude to wear a hat inside!" Yuka fought back, trying to yank my hat (and consequently some of my hair) off my head.

"Never!"

I heard a voice being cleared at the end of our table; both Yuka and I froze. "Excuse me, but could you two please keep it down?" an elderly voice said. "You're frightening some of our costumers."

Suddenly I noticed the many people looking at our table. _So much for going un-noticed. _Yuka immediately let go of my head and muttered an apology.

"I'm really, really sorry about this ma'am," Sayuri said to the previous speaker. "We were having some disagreements about proper etiquette." I was treated to an extra special 'I'll Kill You Later' Death Glare ™ by my friends.

_Riiiight…duck and cover._

The woman at the head of the table laughed quietly. "I see. Would you ladies like to order something?"

I looked up from my lap at the old woman and immediately wished I hadn't. Cologne looked like a cross between a monkey and a beetle with human characteristics thrown in the mix for good measure. What really got me though were her eyes; no, they didn't "see straight through your motives" or anything although she probably could. They were just so damn **huge**. Like twice the size of my fist! And the pupils were so tiny! How the hell did she see anything!

"Is something wrong miss?" the elder Amazon asked me.

"Huh?" Yuka elbowed me sharply in the gut, bringing me back from my world of anatomy logic. "Oh yeah, just eyes, I mean fines! I mean…" _Very smooth._ "I'm just fine thank you," I finished with my best 'vapid blonde' smile.

Cologne raised an eyebrow (_EYES!_). "Very well."

We ordered our lunch quickly, my two friends shooting me irritated glares every few seconds. Finally Cologne hopped away on her knarled cane, leaving me to the mercy of my "comrades."

"What was that?" Yuka hissed. "What are you, three?"

"We just can't take you anywhere anymore, can we?" Sayuri said in a low voice.

"But her _eyes_," I whispered. "Did you see the size of those things!"

"What are you babbling about?" Yuka said. "They looked perfectly fine to me."

"Fine? They were gigantic! Like the Godzilla of eyes! The eyes that ate the planet! The eyes of eternal DOOM!" I said as quietly as I could.

"God Rizu, stop picking on the poor woman," Sayuri scolded.

I snorted. "Trust me, she is defiantly not a 'poor woman'," I thought aloud.

"What are you talking about?" Yuka asked.

_Oh, did I say that out loud?_ "Do you even know who she is?" I said sarcastically.

"No, not really," Yuka responded. "Why, is she someone important?"

"Well she's only-" Suddenly I spotted Shampoo over at the next table cleaning, listening intently. She wasn't being very stealthy about it though, she was practically climbing onto our table. _Jeez, hon. Think you could be anymore obvious?_ "I forgot."

WHUMP! Shampoo lost her balance and fell between Sayuri and Yuka; the two girls looked like they were ready to leap out of their chairs, eyes huge and surprised. I swear it took all I had not to burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles.

"Shampoo so sorry!" the flustered Amazon apologized, quickly picking herself up. "Your order almost ready," she said and bolted towards the kitchen.

The three of us looked at each other for a moment before I shrugged. "Well that was anti-climactic."

* * *

"COME ON GIRLS! YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!" 

You know those people that say that running is mostly a mental sport rather than a physical sport? Well they're right. And I wasn't in my best mental shape.

"How /gasp/ many more?" I choked out, trying my best to keep up with a small girl from a different homeroom.

"Two laps I think," she replied in an exhausted voice.

_Perfect._

"Arumigufuchi! Get moving!" I didn't even bother to respond to my gym teacher, it'd waste my breath and time. The gym teacher was a heavy set woman from a long line of professional wrestlers. Stereotypical I know, but you tend to forget that when she's turning purple in the face from yelling at all the slackers (A.K.A. me).

"Hey Rizu," I heard a voice behind me say. Akane jogged up to me and gave me a big smile. "How're you doing?"

"You know how /gasp/ hard it is to /pant/ work off fifteen years of McDonalds?" I replied. "Damn. Hard."

Akane laughed. "Oh come on, it can't be that hard. If you want I could run with you sometimes after school."

I winced but nodded anyway. "Sure. It couldn't /pant/ hurt."

"TENDO! ARUMIGUFUCHI!" The gym teacher barked at us. "STOP TALKING AND START RUNNING!"

Akane gave me an encouraging smile before running to the front of the line. I sighed and looked out at the field. The boys' gym class was enjoying a nice game of soccer. The guys on Ranma's team weren't stupid and they wanted to win so there was no protest when almost every pass made it to the martial artist. _So much for 'no I in TEAM'_, I thought with an amused smile.

Suddenly I thought I heard the small tinkle of a bike bell, the sound magnified inside my brain. _Aw great. _She's_ here._

"Nihao!" Shampoo greeted her 'airen' happily, her bike of DOOM soaring through the air. It's a good thing most of the population of Nerima had some sort of inbred Spider-Sense because quick as a blink Shampoo's landing area was cleared.

"Shampoo!" Ranma exclaimed, still kicking the ball towards the goal. "What're you doing here?"

I stopped running and shot a quick glance at Akane. She didn't look happy, but she seemed more perplexed than anything else. I sprinted to where my friends were standing, and hid from the gym teacher's line of vision. "What's she here for?" I asked.

Kotori watched with a bemused look as Shampoo chased down her fiancée. "If you'd listen you might figure it out," she said to me.

"Ranma!" Shampoo yelled happily. "Hurry and ask me to marry you!"

_Good lord, the woman used pronouns! She's smarter than she lets on…_

"Tell the old bag this from me," Ranma yelled back. "I've never been in better shape!"

"Oh my god," Sayuri gasped, her eyes on the opposite end of the field. "Is that that old woman from the restaurant?" Sure enough Cologne was headed towards Ranma at a rapid pace, hopping along on her cane.

I couldn't help but laugh out loud at Yuka and Sayuri's shocked faces. "Go Granny go!"

Cologne was in front of Ranma now, cackling like a witch. "But how long will that last, hmmm!" she exclaimed with a certain glee that sent a shiver down my spine.

"Akane, who is that?" Kotori asked the blue haired girl, watching the ancient midget leap away from an angry Ranma.

"She's Shampoo's great-grandmother, Cologne," Akane informed us, still observing what was happening with her fiancé.

Ranma picked up a giant roller thing with his feet and had kicked it at Cologne in frustration, hoping it'd do _something._

However, it only provided a nifty entrance prop for the long-haired Amazon boy who'd suddenly appeared. There was a flash of metal as the roller was cut in half length wise, Mousse coming through the space it provided and landed on his feet gracefully.

The crowd watched the sliced roller fall through the air, landing on the new character's head. "Oooh, that looks like that hurt," I said aloud as the crowd surged forward to inspect the injured. I ran up behind Akane who was peering over Ranma's shoulder.

Suddenly Mousse's head popped up. "Shampoo," was the first thing the kid said, foreshadowing the slapstick to come.

"Oh looky, he's alive!" I said cheerfully. Akane looked at me through the corner of her eye when the Amazon boy rose from the ground.

"Shampoo!" he exclaimed, glomping Ranma. Ever see a cat's hair stand straight on end? It's even funnier when it's a pigtail.

"Who are you calling Shampoo!" Ranma spat, his foot planted on Mousse's face.

Quickly Mousse leaned forward and put on his thick glasses. "WHO ARE YOU!" the confused boy yelled as he sent an even more confused Ranma flying.

"What the..." Akane began before Mousse grabbed a hold of her.

"Shampoo," he murmured, although I'm not sure how anybody heard him over my hysterical laughter.

… What? Can't a girl enjoy a little humor? Pfft, stupid dramatic tension people…

Akane attacked Mousse from the front the same way Ranma did, while the pig-tailed teenager landed on his head.

"Who are you calling Shampoo?" Ranma growled.

Akane didn't seem to be in a better mood. "Who are you anyway!"

Mousse quickly regained his composure, taking off his glasses for emphasis. "I am Mousse. "I am the man that is to be Shampoo's groom."

"Mousse?" I asked. "What, no special Chinese way to say your name?"

Mousse looked in my general direction with a serious look on his face. "Do you have a problem with my name sir?"

_Sir?_ "Well Shampoo has a cool way to say her name in Chinese. What about you? Didn't your parents love you or something?"

"Who cares about his name?" Ranma exclaimed, suddenly a lot more friendly with the strange new Amazon that he was three seconds before. "So you say you're Shampoo's groom?"

"Mousse stupid," Shampoo said in a flat tone. "We just childhood friends."

"Mousse!" Cologne accused as she dropped out of the sky from nowhere (Special Chinese Teleportation Technique). "Weren't you once spurned by Shampoo?"

"But… but… but that was when we were only three!" Mousse protested weakly.

"Age makes no difference! It has been decided!" Cologne shot back. "Ranma is to be Shampoo's groom!"

Ranma smirked. "Not if you ask me, I'm not!"

"HAVE YOU NO EARS!" Mr. Tendo screamed into a bullhorn behind Cologne. "RANMA IS ENGAGED TO AKANE!"

"Where the hell do these people come from anyway?" I asked nobody in particular. Apparently there was still much about special Asian Techniques of Annoyance I needed to learn.

Mousse stood by, quietly working out a very complicated problem in his head. "You have a fiancée…" he said quietly to Ranma. "And yet… you have Shampoo."

"Now listen…!" Ranma protested.

"ENEMY OF ALL WOMEN!" Mousse shouted, trying to take off Ranma's head with a round-house kick.

"If you'd just listen for a-" the pigtailed young man began before he was interrupted.

"The Blow of the Swan Fist!" Mousse exclaimed and to everyone's surprise, it actually looked like Ranma had been hit!

"Whoa! He nailed Ranma!" Daisuke shouted in surprise.

"I never even saw his hands!" Hiroshi added.

Suddenly Akane put it all together. "He's carrying a weapon!"

Ranma was pissed off. "Why you… blind…"

"Be careful!" Shampoo said to Ranma. "Mousse is master of hidden weapon."

"I am indeed," Mousse said a suave smirk on his face. "Just as a swan floating quietly conceals thrashing feet beneath the water," he said. The Amazon boy lifted his arms in preparation for another attack. "So it is impossible to see what's in my hands!"

Ranma this time though was prepared for what was coming. "Impossible! HA!" He stopped the attack with his feet, revealing Mousse's secret weapon.

"What is it with this guy and swans?" I said, looking at the toilet training potty which was shaped as a graceful swan. And why did it have handles on the side of the swan's head… never mind, I didn't want to know.

"What an insult!" one of the random bystanders whose name I didn't know announced. "An insult to grievous to bear!"

And apparently Ranma agreed. "That **does it**!" he roared.

"Then you will fight?" Mousse asked.

_Like you even had to say it._

"Fine! These are my terms! If I should win-"

"You can't have Shampoo," Cologne deadpanned.

Mousse hesitated before redirecting his ALMIGHTY POINTING WRATH to Akane. "Then I will take your woman!"

"Now wait just a-" Akane exploded.

"You got it!" Ranma interrupted. "The fight is on!"

"I have your pledge as a man?" Mousse yelled, even though Ranma was a foot away.

"You bet!"

I looked over at Cologne, who was looking too happy to be good. Suddenly she looked straight back at me with an icy stare. I jerked back into position, my shoulders tense. But I could still feel her staring at me.

* * *

Everyday after school Jhim and I would either go to the apartment or into town, giving me an opportunity to fill him in on the recent developments and details about how life was in class. Eventually we'd head over to the Tendo's where I'd either go on my way or come in to get some homework help from Akane. 

Today we'd decided to walk to Dr. Tofu's office to invite him to the Ranma vs. Mousse match, just in case things got 'messy'.

"While we're there, you might wanna ask Dr. Tofu if he needs an assistant or something," Jhim said. "I'm sure you could get a job there."

"Yeah, probably," I said hands behind my head. "Hey, do you ever wonder how we're gonna get home?"

Jhim looked at me quizzically. "That's a sudden question. What brought that up?"

I shrugged. I wasn't really sure what had brought that question to surface. I'd just always accepted that if we made it out to the end of the story we'd get home. But lately, I'd been feeling like something was out of place. It was like trying to remember something important but when you tried to brush it off the nagging feeling just keep tugging at your sleeve. "I just think it'd be something nice to know is all."

Jhim sighed and adjusted his backpack. "I know how you feel. But we're still pretty early in the series right now, so it'll be a while before we can even start to guess about that."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said.

My friend smiled widely and patted me on the head. "Hey, don't sweat it. Just sit back and enjoy the show for now."

I grinned. "You're starting to sound like me," I said. "Maybe you've spent too much time with me and my brain pattern's rubbing off on you."

He shrugged. "I guess I'll have to live with that."

* * *

"I'm sorry Rizu, I can't give you a job right now," Dr. Tofu said. 

I stared at the handsome doctor, eyes big. "B-but why? You're always hiring extra help and…"

"Well you see, I've already got an assistant," the doctor cut me off. "He's living here by himself and he's such a young kid, I couldn't say no to him."

"Who is the kid anyway?" Jhim asked. "Would we know him?"

Dr. Tofu smiled. "As a matter of fact I'm almost certain you do."

At that moment we heard the screen in the back slide open. "I'm back Dr. Tofu," I heard a young boy's voice call out.

_Oh my god, you have got to be joking. _

"Riz-chan!" Kurizu announced happily as he came into the office. "What are you doing here? Are you hurt?"

I looked at Jhim and it looked like he was thinking along the same lines as I was.

"No, no, Rizu and Chimofu dropped by to tell me about an important match tomorrow," Dr. Tofu filled in the young boy. "Apparently they thought it would be a good idea for me to be there, just in case."

"Who's fighting?" Kurizu asked.

"Ranma and some weird Amazon named Mousse," I stated plainly.

Kurizu's eyes lit up. "Someone might actually be a match for Ranma Saotome! This I have to see!"

"Yes, it is a bit odd," Dr. Tofu said cheerfully. "What type of fighter is Mousse?"

"Well Shampoo said he's a master of hidden weapons," Jhim said. "And she's usually a good judge of fighting skill."

"Such is the gift of the Amazon race," Dr. Tofu said. "Well if he's that good, the match is guaranteed to get a little rowdy."

"So you'll come tomorrow?" I asked.

The doctor nodded. "Of course I will. Besides, it's been a long time since I've watched a good match."

I smiled. _I guess everyone's been kinda bored with Ranma on top all the time. _"Thanks a lot Dr. Tofu. We really appreciate this."

"Hey Riz-chan, when is this fight anyway?" Kurizu asked. "I wanna see if I can come."

"I think it's after school," I replied. "Since its Saturday tomorrow, they should have the whole afternoon to beat the crap outta each other."

* * *

Whew! It's done! Thanks for bearing with me through this ultra-long drought. I know where the story needs to go, how it's gonna get there and all… it's just kinda a pain to put on paper. Anyway, I appreciate the older readers sticking with me and hope that the newer readers will do the same. Much love! 

- The Liz


	15. Fighting Dreamers Boom Boom

The Liz has new pink shoeses. Mmm... happy.

* * *

Every high school has something special to define itself, be its awesome football team, its pathetic mascot, or it's less than favorable reputation. Furikan High had the Legend of the Principal and its constant tournaments. 

Tournaments as of late, had become an event anybody who was anybody in the small world of high school attended. But a fight held outside of the school's jurisdiction; now that was a small festival in itself. And what's the first rule of thumb at a festival? Always bring your own food.

"Alrighty guys, what'd we bring today?" I asked happily as I sat down next to Kotori and Sayuri.

"I've got some dumplings my mom made," Sayuri said brightly.

"I've got the juice!" Kotori chipped in, pulling out two cans of grape juice, a can of lemon juice and, just for me, a little carton of apple juice. Mm-mm good.

I counted the cans and frowned. "I take it Akane isn't joining us then?" I asked as I pulled the container of rice balls out of my purse.

"No, I called but she said she was going to come with Ranma," Sayuri said with a sigh. "She's not even dating him and he takes up all her time."

I shrugged. "He's a high maintenance kid, of course he's gonna take up some of her time. Besides, it's not like we never see her."

"Speaking of not seeing someone," Kotori said. "Where's Yuka?"

"Don't worry, I see her coming," Sayuri said. Sure enough Yuka was running through the crowd to us with a convince store bag.

"Sorry guys," she said as she caught up to us. "Has the match started yet?"

"No, it looks like they're both gonna be late," I said. "So Yuka, whadya bring?"

Yuka smiled broadly as she pulled out a box of candy. "Ta-da! It's gummi-sushi!"

The three of us backed away like the candy was radioactive. "Yuka! Are you trying to kill us?" Sayuri exclaimed.

Yuka looked at us innocently. "What's the matter? It's only gummi-sushi."

"_Only gummi-sushi?_" I said incredulously. "Do you have any idea what you've done by buying this box of candy? You've disrupted the natural order!"

"Gummi-sushi is apart of the natural order?" Yuka asked.

"Yes! Since nobody here buys gummi-sushi, the Japanese government sends it out overseas where stupid Americans will buy it by the bundles regardless of its taste _just because it's from Japan._ From these stupid Americans the Japanese government earns at least twenty-five percent of its income. By buying this single box of gummi-sushi, you might have affected our entire government's income and because of that taxes will be raised and books will be burnt. And we will all die."

By now Yuka looked slightly alarmed. "All this because I bought one box of gummi-sushi?"

"_Yes._"

Sayuri and Kotori looked at me with blank stares. "Rizu," Kotori said. "Have you ever been committed?"

"No, why?"

"Oh, just wondering what to get you for Christmas is all."

Sayuri chuckled, looking towards the make-shift ring to see if the fighters had shown up yet. "Oh look, it's Akane and Chimofu," she said cheerfully. "Maybe Akane knows where Ranma is."

I looked up and saw Jhim and Akane walking towards the arena, looking a tad bit nervous but laughing anyway. Suddenly I got an uncomfortably familiar feeling in my mind, a presence of something that didn't belong there. I pushed back the feeling and smiled widely. "I'm gonna go see what's up," I said, wrapping two of the six rice balls in a paper towel. "Don't eat my share!"

"Don't worry, we won't," Kotori said with a grin.

I laughed and headed towards my friends. "Rice balls anyone?" I asked cheerfully, holding out the treats.

"No thanks Rizu, I already ate at home," Akane declined.

Jhim shrugged. "I'll take one," he said. "Haven't had lunch yet."

"Are you sure you don't want one hon?" I asked Akane. "I've got others up with Sayuri and all them."

"No really, I'm okay," Akane said.

I shrugged. "Okay, suit yourself," I said, taking a huge bite of the rice ball. "By the way, when's Pigtail showing up? He's like ten minutes late."

"Indeed, the groom is late," I heard a voice say behind me.

I jumped in surprise and almost choked on my rice ball. "Gah dang," I coughed out. "Stop doing that!"

Cologne pointedly ignored me, instead turning her attention to her real victim. "Perhaps he has forfeited," she said, gazing steadily at Akane.

"Hold on," Jhim said quickly over the sound of my coughing. "Mousse isn't here yet either."

"Besides, he'll be here!" Akane said irately.

I smiled, though my throat still burned. "What they said," I muttered triumphantly.

Cologne graced me with a look of utter disdain. "You're very confident that the groom will win. After all, _he_ still can't stand hot water."

Akane looked a little worried at that comment. "That doesn't matter," she said defensively.

The old woman chuckled. "We shall see."

Cologne had the skill to make everyone around her feel uncomfortable, and I was feeling the ultimate chill of her power when suddenly we heard a familiar voice.

"So Ranma Saotome! You have come!" Mousse exclaimed loudly into the face of someone who definitely wasn't Ranma.

"Um, can I help you with something?" the kid asked, clutching his Chinese take-out protectively.

Mousse ignored the voice difference between this random boy and Ranma, continuing to harass the poor boy. "Our man to man fight!"

"Hey man, I just wanna eat some noodles," the boy protested weakly.

WHAP! A surprisingly hollow sound came from Mousse's head when Cologne whacked him with her cane. "You think that's Ranma?"

While having his head wailed on by an old monkey certainly got his attention, it didn't seem to do anything for Mousse's thinking process. He faced Cologne with his arms crossed and a solemn look. "You've shriveled up Saotome."

WHAP! "Put your glasses on fool!"

Mousse did as he was instructed and bent closer to look at the person who had been beating him over the head. "It's a ghoul!" he exclaimed like a little kid who just discovered something new.

**WHAP! **

No wonder Mousse was the way he was! First thing he gets right all day and he gets whacked for it. It almost made me feel sorry for him.

Luckily for the male Amazon, before he had the opportunity to stick his foot in his mouth again, a loud female voice yelled "Into the ring Mousse!"

Into the ring flew… a bundle of clothes.

"Are we supposed to believe that somewhere in that mess of clothing is Ranma?" I asked.

"I guess so…" Akane said. The poor girl was looking very nervous, but I couldn't blame her. Her fiancé was sporting the multi-layered look with long sleeves and big black sunglasses that covered her entire face.

"Well," Jhim coughed. "At least you can't tell if he's a she."

"Are we really sure that's Ranma?" a near-by spectator commented.

Mousse regarded his opponent with a steady eye. "So you've come Ranma!" he declared loudly.

"Well, he seems pretty sure that's Ranma," someone said.

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "They're going to trust a blind guy?" I said.

"Hey, don't complain if it works," Jhim said. "The last thing we need is for them to wonder how Ranma can pull off the girl disguise so well."

The fight started out as planned; with lots of cool magic tricks and explosions.

"This is _way _better than any birthday party I've been to!" I commented happily, watching Ranma's costume emit rabbits, flags, and confetti. "How'd he hid all those things in there?"

Jhim shrugged. "Well the jacket looks big enough."

Suddenly Mousse pulled out a chicken from his sleeves and collected four eggs from the poultry, throwing them at Ranma.

BOOM!

"Exploding chicken eggs!" I squealed. "I want some!"

Soon enough Ranma revealed his final trick; dressing herself up in a bunny costume and disguising it as a magic trick. But even though that problem was solved, there was still the problem with Ranma's legs and arms being shorter than he was used to.

"That doesn't look so good," Jhim commented as Ranma delivered another failed kick.

"And that looks even worse," I said when Mousse barely missed Ranma with a kick, slicing open the front of Ranma's bunny costume.

"Mousse have no chance against airen!" I heard Shampoo yell.

"Oh wow," I muttered. "That's kinda harsh for a guy that's in love with her."

"Sympathizing with Mousse young one?" Cologne said to me. "Perhaps you'd like to be his bride?"

"W-what!" I stammered ignoring Jhim's stifled laughter.

"It would be a good match," Cologne said.

For some reason that seemed like an insult. "Er… I'll pass thanks."

Luckily for me, Cologne (along with the rest of the crowd) became distracted by the whistles and catcalls coming from the guys.

Ranma, the half-naked object of the catcalls, was trying to avoid being hit by Mousse's weapons. Dodge right, off comes the collar. Jump back, a nasty run in her stockings.

"Pigtail, dodge better!" I yelled at the red-haired girl who was rapidly losing her clothing. "Is this what some of those hentai games are like?"

"Why are you asking me?" Jhim responded.

"I wasn't actually," I said. "But if you know the answer you can keep it to yourself." He didn't respond.

Akane was ready to kill somebody. "We've got to do something!" she yelled angrily as Mousse's metal claw tore through Ranma's thin layer of clothing. "That pervert's giving them a free show!"

"Yeah, but what can we do?" I asked.

Akane scowled. "If only Ranma hadn't blow up that jacket he had on…" Suddenly her eyes lit up. "That's it! Rizu, do you have any clothes on you?"

"Of course I do, I can't go outside na- Oh, I get'cha," I said. "One outfit for Ranma coming up!" Confident in my abilities from the last time with the giant bag of catnip, I reached into my purse for a pair of Ranma's pants and shirt from the Tendo's laundry and I pulled out the ugliest dress you have ever seen.

This thing had the puffy sleeves, the loud floral print, the lace trim, the whole shi-bang man.

"Where the _hell_ did you get that?" Jhim said.

Words failed me while the little voice in my head reminded me "It's not called comedic physics for nothing."

"It'll have to do," Akane said with a tone of disbelief. She grabbed the flowery dress and made her way to the front of the crowd, shoving the dress over Ranma's head just as Mousse had destroyed the last piece of clothing.

There was so much booing over that dress I almost went deaf; the guys were upset about the presence of the dress while the girls were just upset about the dress itself.

"I repeat," Jhim said. "Where the _hell_ did you get that?"

"Shut up," I said grumpily. I wasn't happy about being one-upped by my own tool.

"Nicely done Miss Rizu," I heard a voice behind me say. Dr. Tofu was enjoying a pork bun from the Nekohaten cart while watching the fight. "The dress looks remarkably like one of my mother's."

"Dr. Tofu! How long have you been there?" I asked.

"I just arrived actually," he said. "Say, is there a reason Ranma is fighting as a girl? It seems it would be easier for him to fight as a man."

"It would," Jhim responded. "But he isn't able to turn back."

The doctor arched his eyebrow. "Really? Why is that?"

"Well see, the old lady over there hit him with a Full Body-" At this point my explanation was cut off by a rather sharp kick in the ankle from Jhim. "Ow! What the hell was that-"

Suddenly I noticed three pairs of eyes looking at me intently. Jhim was sending me major disapproving daggers while Dr. Tofu just looked interested in what I was saying. But the third pair of eyes belonged to Cologne and I did not like the look she was giving me.

"The Full Body what?" Dr. Tofu pressed the matter.

I gulped and tried to ignore the old ghoul's rather piercing glare. "Akane said something about the Full Body Cat Tongue attack," I said. "But I'm not really sure what it does."

Dr. Tofu nodded. "I see. Thank you for explaining," he said. "If you'll excuse me."

As Dr. Tofu walked away, Jhim grabbed my arm and began to pull me out of the crowd. "We need to talk," he said.

I'm sure many of you already know this, but a teenage girl can only be scolded so many times by her peers before a limit is reached. Being told off by my parents was one thing, but I was just about sick of being told off by someone who apparently thought he was my parent.

"Alright, what did I do this time?" I asked, trying to keep some of the dark sarcasm out of my voice. It wasn't working too well.

My attitude seemed to put Jhim in an even worse mood. "I thought you told me you were going to be more careful," he growled.

"Careful of what? Dr. Tofu knows we're Akane's friends, she could've told us what was going on," I responded dryly.

"Cologne noticed."

I shrugged, my rising temper causing me to stiffen up. The harder I tried to get control of my anger, the more sarcastic I became. "She might not have noticed if you didn't have that stick up your ass," I muttered.

Jhim's face turned a deep shade of red. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're the smart one," I shot back. "You can figure it out."

It seemed I'd struck a nerve. Jhim looked down at me angrily while the crowd behind us cheered for one reason or another. "What the hell is your problem?"

"My problem?" I asked in a shrill voice. "My problem is you dumb ass! _Nothing_ I do is really that bad you know! Okay, so I've got a little Foot in the Mouth disease, _so does half the fucking population._"

A huge cheer came from the direction of the fight but I barely noticed. I was pissed and I was on a roll. "You're always playing it safe and you fly off the handle when I don't! I'm sick of always being told how much I suck because I don't do things like you damn it!"

The older boy looked at me levelly as the dark storm clouds rolled in. "Let me remind you," he said with cold anger. "I didn't want to partner up with you in the first place; that was your idea."

"Obviously it wasn't one of my better ones," I growled. It had started to rain now and if I wasn't so angry I would've laughed at how melodramatic this argument had become.

"Well then," Jhim said. "Consider our partnership terminated."

Something about the calmness he said that in shook me. "A-alright," I stammered angrily. "Fine by me."

Jhim held out his hand in the rain, looking very stiff and polite. "I wish you luck," he said, his cold eyes locked on my face.

I returned the look and shook his outstretched hand. "I won't need it."

* * *

"Rizu!" Kotori yelled at me. "Snap outta it!" 

I was jolted out of my quiet mood suddenly with Kotori snapping her fingers in front of my face. "What?"

"I asked you if you wanted some of my lunch," she responded, holding out her bento box.

"Oh, sure, thanks," I said. I smiled at my friend and took what remained of her lunch, something I was not unhappy about receiving.

"Rizu, seriously, what's wrong with you?" Akane asked. "You've been really quiet for a long time now. That's not like you."

"At all," Kotori commented.

I shrugged and swallowed the mouthful of rice I'd been devouring. "I'm just tired, that's all," I said. "I've been really busy lately."

"With what?" Akane asked.

I shrugged again and delved deeper into the bento box.

"Is this about Chimofu?" Kotori asked seriously, putting her hand on my shoulder.

I snorted. "Chimofu. Heh. Stupidest name ever."

Akane raised an eyebrow. "So it _is_ about Chimofu," she said with an all knowing smile.

"No, really, it's the stupidest name ever. I told him so when I met him," I said. "Why do you think I called him Jhim?"

"What happened with you two anyway?" Kotori asked. "You never talk to each other unless you have to, and even when you do it's like you'd never met before."

"So?" I asked. "I don't get it, what's the problem?"

"The problem," Akane said sharply. "Is that you two were best friends up until a while ago. Now I can't even walk in the same room with you two without feeling like there's a cold war on!"

"We got in a fight," I supplied nonchalantly. "It's no big deal. By the way Kotori, your mom is an awesome cook!"

"Don't get off topic here!" Kotori shot back. "You guys have gotten into fights before, why is this one so bad?"

"It's not," I said. "We're just not really friends any more, that's all."

The two girls looked at me like I was crazy. "Rizu, all I know is that this fight isn't good for you," Akane said. "It goes against your very nature to be mad at someone for this long!"

"Hey, who's mad? I'm not mad. Nope, you don't see me getting angry here," I said, throwing up my hands. "Besides, we're not hurting anybody here."

"Not hurting anybody?" Kotori repeated. "Rizu, you're hardly ever at your apartment, you sleep in class, you're tired all the time, and your grades are horrible!"

"And Chimofu on the other hand is doing nothing but studying and practicing martial arts," Akane said. "He hardly ever talks to anyone, and he's working himself to death!"

"And this is different from how we normally act?" I said.

"Yes!" both girls yelled at me.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "Guys, you've got nothing to worry about. My grades have always been horrible and we only have a few days left anyway. Besides, the reason I'm so tired all the time is because I've been cleaning houses for extra money lately."

Kotori and Akane looked at each other as though not sure whither or not to believe me.

"Look, I'll prove it to you," I said, pulling out a flyer from my purse and handing it to Akane.

"Arumigufuchi's Cleaning Service," Akane read out loud. "We Clean Your Toilets So You Don't Have To."

"See?" I said. "Everything's perfectly fine, trust me."

Akane handed the flyer back to me. "I guess so…"

"If you still don't believe I'm okay," I said. "You can come with me to help hand out more flyers after school. Then you'll see I'm still my normal, perky self."

The short haired girl smiled broadly. "Okay, but we have to drop by my house first."

* * *

"I'm home!" Akane announced happily as we walked into the Tendo's house. "And I brought Rizu!" 

Kasumi appeared in the hallway in all her cheerful motherly glory. "Welcome home Akane," she said happily. "Rizu, it's been so long since we've seen you."

"I'm sorry, I've been busy with interviews and such," I explained. I swear Kasumi's cheerful energy was like a freakin virus.

"Oh? How is that going?" the eldest Tendo sister asked.

"Eh, not so good," I laughed nervously. "I had a few interviews but nobody's called me yet."

"Have you gone back and asked if they're still hiring?" Nabiki said from the stairs.

I looked up at the sister who'd suddenly appeared. "Not really…"

She smirked and walked past us into the living room. "It wouldn't be a bad idea," she said.

Akane smiled at me. "I'm going to help Rizu pass out her business flyers today," she said.

"Business flyers?" Kasumi asked.

I rummaged inside my purse for a minute before presenting her with one of my cleaning flyers. "It's just something to do while I wait to see if any other jobs come up," I said shyly. After all, I was showing my idea in front of the Cleaning Goddess and the Business Lord. Who wouldn't be nervous?

"It sounds like a wonderful idea!" Kasumi said enthusiastically. "I'm sure we could come up with something for you to do."

"You really don't need to create work for me you know," I protested.

"Create work for you?" Nabiki said. "Ranma creates work all the time for no one in particular."

I laughed at that. I seriously missed being at the Tendo's house, the whole place felt like a good ole normal home. Despite what I'd said earlier, I wasn't exactly feeling top-notch lately. Coming home to a messy apartment that was right next door to the guy I was currently battling it out with wasn't my cup of tea.

"I'll be right back," Akane said, walking up the stairs. I nodded and followed Kasumi into the living room.

"Actually Rizu, this is perfect," the older sister said. "The dojo has really needed a sprucing up. You know how absent-minded those boys get. Akane usually organizes things but she's been busying studying for tests lately."

"That sounds great," I said with a huge smile. "I could do that, no problem."

"Wonderful!" Kasumi exclaimed. "Why don't you come by tomorrow after school?"

"Sounds good to me," I said.

"I'll remind Daddy that he'll have to cancel practice tomorrow," Nabiki said. Her little smirk triggered my paranoid senses; she was either up to something, or I seriously need to calm down.

"Why thank you Nabiki, that's so helpful of you," Kasumi said.

_That settles it, she's up to something._

Akane appeared only a minute later and we made our way to the front door. I was just about to open the door when it opened for me and I ran into somebody.

SMACK! "Oh, sorry abo-," the person I'd smacked into began but stopped abruptly when they recognized me. "Oh, it's you," Jhim said, his apologetic tone dropping instantly. "Sorry about that."

I glared up at my neighbor and frowned. "Nice to see you too," I muttered. "Come on Akane, we'd better head out."

"O-okay," Akane said. "Dad's out back with Mr. Saotome Chimofu."

"Thank you," he said as he walked past us, pausing to take off his shoes.

I walked out quickly and waited a good distance from the door for Akane to catch up. "So let's get going!" I said cheerfully, a completely different tone that I'd just used.

"Wait a minute," Akane said. "What was that?"

"What was what?" I asked her in an overly cheerful voice.

"That split personality thing you just did," she said.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I responded. "Well we'd better get going!"

* * *

"Wow, we really tore through those flyers didn't we?" I said. "This is great! I'll have the money to pay rent in no time! I mean," I stuttered. "For that, uh, cd player I wanted." 

Akane smiled at me. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it you know."

"Yeah, I know," I said as we approached the Nekohaten.

"Hey, why don't we stop by and say hi to Ranma?" Akane said suddenly.

"Wait, she works here?" I asked. "It is still she, right?"

The girl sighed and nodded her head. "He's been working here to get the Phoenix Pill from Cologne but so far he's hasn't had any luck."

"Wow, that really sucks for him," I said. "I'll see him tomorrow!" I was looking for any excuse at all to not go into the Nekohaten, particularly after the match. That and something about her really made my nasty little Foot in Mouth problem kick in. Cologne was a shrewd old lady that I'd avoid if at all possible. But at this moment, Akane was making avoiding the old geezer impossible.

"Oh no you don't," Akane cut in. "Come on, we're going in!"

"No, no, no, please don't make me go," I begged as Akane grabbed my elbow to drag me in. "I don't wanna see that stupid bim-"

"Welcome to Nekohaten!" Shampoo said brightly as we walked in.

_Shit, speak of the freakin devil._

"Oh, is you," she said. "What Violent Girl and Stupid Girl want?"

_Oh real creative there, _I thought. _Wonder which one of us is Stupid Girl. _"You know Shampoo," I said slyly. "My momma always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all."

Shampoo smirked. "Shampoo Mom say is better to have no hair than hair that look like poodle," she said.

Yes, her comeback was rather lame, but it still irked me. A whole string of 'Yo Mamma' jokes came to mind, but Akane cut me off before I had any time to share them. _Next time._

"I'm sure your Great Grandmother would be thrilled to know you're insulting paying customers," she said. "Isn't that right Rizu?" she asked, digging her fingernails into my elbow.

"Paying customers, right," I grumbled.

Suddenly I noticed Ranma! the Amazing Performing Waitress who was currently balancing six spinning plates on long poles. I had a strong urge to start singing the Barnum and Bailey theme song.

"Oh wow," I said with a laugh as Ranma lowered the plates to the respective customer. "You're right; I should come here more often! This is great!"

Ranma-chan slumped over to us after putting down the poles. "Hey, it's Rizu," she said. "What're you doing here?"

"I got dragged in here," I responded, shooting a dark look at Akane. "How come you haven't been at school anyway?"

Ranma waved me off. "School-shmool, I've been training!"

"To do what?" I asked. "Run away and join the circus?"

"She's got a point," Akane said. "Why don't you quit? At least you've learned… to balance plates."

Ranma-chan laughed wildly. "You ain't seen nothin yet!" she laughed manically.

_Wow, working here seems to have made him crazier than he already is._

"Groom!" Cologne called from the kitchen. "Come over here!"

Ranma stopped laughing immediately and followed the old ghoul out with Shampoo in tow. Akane and I looked at each other. "What do you think she wants?" Akane asked.

I shrugged. "Only one way to find out."

Out back Cologne had gotten a small campfire going. "Why do you wanna make a fire in this heat?" Ranma-chan asked.

Cologne ignored the girl and turned to me. "Miss Arumigufuchi, would you be kind enough to hand me that bag?" she asked.

I froze at the mention of my name. "S-sure," I said, reaching down to pick up the bag of chestnuts. "You mean these?"

"Yes, those'll do," the old woman said. Clearing her throat, she held up the bag for all to see. "You see that I have here a bag of chestnuts."

"See? You are training for the circus!" I announced.

Cologne gave me a withering look. "This is no circus trick, I can assure you." Cologne smirked. She threw the chestnuts into the fire and cleared her throat again, for dramatic effect. "Watch very carefully," she said. She faced the fire and suddenly Akane and Ranma gasped.

I knew what was going on; I just couldn't really see it. All I saw was Cologne's hands moving in a blur, agitating the fire. Soon enough she was holding all of the chestnuts in her hands, gloating like no one's business. "Care to try?"

"Whoa!" I exclaimed. "That was frickin awesome!"

"I couldn't even see her hands!" Akane said, obviously impressed with what she'd seen.

"Is legendary technique," Shampoo said. "The Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!"

Cologne laughed her gloating going on overload. "If you can master this, snatching the Phoenix Pill will be child's play!"

As the old lady hopped away cackling madly, I turned to Ranma. "Well Pigtail, think of it this way: if you do end up with Shampoo (heaven forbid), you can start a little Chinese traveling troupe with all the little Amazon babies!"

"Heh, yeah right," Ranma said. "The Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken." Suddenly she stepped forward, flames dancing around her in determined fury. "I WILL NOT BE STOPPED!" she announced to the world. "I WILL MASTER IT!"

"Somehow Ranma," Akane said with obvious sarcasm. "I don't think you should start today."

"Good point," I said as I pulled out a water bucket to dump on Ranma's flaming foot. "Stepping in the fire isn't the best way to start."

* * *

When I got home that night, I had a one new message on my machine. 

"Hello Ms. Arumigufuchi. I am calling to inquire about your cleaning service. Because of the start of summer vacation, I find myself a little short-staffed and I called to ask you for your assistance. I assure you the pay is quite good and you would only be required to clean the master bedrooms. Please call us back at…"

* * *

Kasumi had underestimated the mess the dojo was in. The storage area really needed to be organized and corners of the ceiling had spider webs among other unpleasant things. "Well, it's not that bad," I said cheerfully. "At least I've got all afternoon." But somehow, that wasn't making me feel so cheery.

The one bad thing about these cleaning jobs is that they left me a lot of time to think about things. Things I didn't really want to think about because when I did I began to brood on them. Brooding is not a good thing in my book.

"Ah well," I said to myself. "All I gotta do is keep my mind off this whole stupid fight and everything'll be just fine."

Today was the day school had let out, and the sun was shining beautifully outside. Usually, I would've been looking forward to sleeping in for the rest of the summer, but I had an appointment at eight in the morning.

Speaking of that appointment, I got the most unusual reaction out of Nabiki when I told her the address. Something along the lines of _blink blink BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! _then a quick _"Good luck with that."_

_Whatever,_ I thought. _She's probably just trying to freak me out._

The way things were, I figured the best place to start would be the storage closet. It took me a while to move everything out, especially the multiple dummy remains, most of which sported a faux pigtail. "You know, on some level somewhere that can't be healthy," I said as I swept up the smaller pieces of Ranma!Dummies.

"Hello?" I heard someone say from the doorway. I poked my head out to see Jhim standing at the threshold of the dojo.

"Oh, hello," I said. "Nabiki said she'd tell you practice was canceled today." With that I returned to sweeping out the dust bunnies.

"What're you doing in here?" Jhim asked.

"Working," I answered from the storage closet.

I heard Jhim walk into the dojo and stop outside the storage closet. "Why're you working in here?"

"You know _Chimofu_, that's a good question," I replied. "You're the student, isn't cleaning the dojo your job?" My voice sounded a little too emotional, a far cry from the 'cold and unaffected' I was going for.

"It is," Jhim responded nonchalantly. "If you're really that upset about it _Rizu_, I could do it for you."

I frowned. _Damn him! Why is _he_ so good at the calm and unaffected thing? _"Don't bother; I'm getting paid to do this."

Jhim didn't respond; he just stood at the door until I was done sweeping and dusting. "Need any help?" he asked finally.

"No thank you," I answered coldly. _Unaffected attitude be damned! _"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

Jhim sighed and finally moved from the doorway. "Whatever."

After I heard him leave, I went full-force into Pissed-Off Energy Cleaning Mode.

"What really pisses me off," I growled to the dummies as I arranged them from left to right. "Is that I can't stop being pissed off."

"He's just too calm! In fact he seems happy!" I continued to rant as I knocked down the cobwebs.

"And while he's off enjoying life!" I muttered as I dipped the rag into the bucket of water. "I'M BEING ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE!" With that battle cry I charged forward, cleaning the floor till it sparkled!

An hour or so after Jhim had left the dojo; I sat near the door, hot and sweaty, and admired my handy-work. "Maybe he wanted to get rid of me all along," I said to myself.

"Ahem," someone said from the doorway. I looked up quickly to see Nabiki leaning against the doorway. "Nice job Rizu," she said, giving no indication of how much she'd heard. "It looks like we got our money's worth out of you."

I looked at the dojo and smiled. "Yeah, it does look good doesn't it?" I replied. _And I dare anyone to tell me otherwise._

"You know Rizu," Nabiki said to me in a calm calculating tone. "Chimofu seems almost as depressed as you are about this whole mess." She was inspecting her finger nails like she was talking to me about the weather. Yes, lovely spring, oh and there's a fifty percent chance that if you apologize you guys can make up.

"Good for him," I said almost as calm as she. "Except that I'm not that depressed."

Nabiki laughed half-heartedly. "I'm so sure," she said. "You're almost as bad a liar as Akane, you know that?"

"Issat so?" I was tired by now and I didn't want to play 'guess the underlying meaning' with her.

The middle Tendo sister didn't respond to my comment, instead going for a different topic. "He's not that bad looking you know. I'm surprised you haven't taken advantage of that yet."

I smiled wryly. This was not a conversation I wanted to be having with Nabiki. "I could say the same of you."

Once again Nabiki was silent, staring at the dojo with an expressionless mask. "Who knows?" she said. "I just might."

My chest got tighter at her words. I wasn't sure whether or not to take her seriously; after all, this was Nabiki. This girl was second only to Cologne on my list of people not to trust.

"Good talk Rizu," she said finally. "I hope you'll consider my assistance in finding you a decent job."

_Doubt it,_ I thought sarcastically. For all I knew, working for the Kuno's would be a better option. Or even, heaven forbid, the Amazons. "Yeah, good talking to you too," I responded aloud as she walked away.

* * *

The sun had disappeared as I continued towards my home. "Well, today wasn't a total crap job," I muttered to myself. "I finished school, hung out with my friends, did my job…"

_Let an opportunity to make up with your best bud slip by. _

I frowned. "Screw it; I can't do anything about it now."

"Walking the streets alone at night?" a voice from behind me observed. "This is not a wise idea. You never know when an enemy will appear."

I spun around to face Cologne. She was perched on top of her cane and had the expression of a cat who knew she'd cornered her pray.

"I-I'm lucky enough not to have enemies," I stammered, trying to sound confident and failing. _Where the hell did she come from?_

The old lady chuckled. "Believe me dear, no one is without enemies." She paused to observe the starry sky before returning her attention to me. "I hear you are looking for work."

"I am," I responded.

"Well lucky for you, as of tonight the Nekohaten happens to have a spot open. Now before you politely decline," Cologne said before I could say anything. "I'd like you to listen to my story."

"Is this going to be a vague and barely related Chinese tale of a monkey who climbs a mountain or something?" I asked.

Cologne shook her head. "No, no, this is an Amazon tale of forbidden love that ended in disaster."

"Oh really?" I asked, raising my eyebrow. "If it's based off of Romeo and Juliet, I'd rather not go through that again."

"No, it is not based off of anything but history," Cologne said curtly. "If you'd listen you might find out what I'm trying to say."

I nodded and kept my mouth shut. That little old lady scared the shit out of me.

"It started fifty years ago in the Amazon village," Cologne began. "The Bīng Shā clan was an ancient and well respected clan. The sole heir, Căo Méi was a strong woman and a wonderful leader. It was clear that she would lead the clan to become something important until the day a stranger arrived in our village. He was a lowly scholar who had traveled to China to study the Cursed Springs. Căo Méi sheltered him while he remained there and the two fell in love."

"So when he couldn't defeat her in combat they weren't allowed to get married?" I asked.

The old woman nodded. "You know the custom well then."

"Er, not really," I said quickly. "I just figured, ya know, from what I know about Ranma and Shampoo."

"In any case, you are correct," Cologne said. "When the Council ordered him to leave, Căo Méi ran away with the young man, abandoning her clan and her duty. This of course, didn't go over too well with the Amazons and the Bīng Shā clan died out with a disgraced name."

I nodded like I didn't really care, but I had a nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach about the outcome of this little tale. "They don't know what happened to Căo Méi and her lover?"

"It is said they traveled back to Japan and started a family," Cologne replied. "Many ancestors of the Bīng Shā clan have searched for the descendents of the traitor, but to no avail. As it is, the Bīng Shā clan remains un-avenged for the great betrayal it was dealt."

"So… what does this have to do with me working at the Nekohaten?" I asked.

"The young man's name was Arumigufuchi," Cologne stated blatantly. "The same family name you carry. If the Amazon village were to discover this, let there be no doubt that they would come after you and kill you."

_Shit, _I thought. _How did I know this wouldn't end well for me? _"And working for Amazon's who want to kill me would benefit me… how?"

Cologne shook her head. "You do not understand. I care very little about the fate of the Bīng Shā clan. I do however, care about the life of a young Amazon woman who has yet to reach her potential."

"My what?"

Cologne sighed; I had a feeling her patience was running thin. "If you were to work for me, I would protect you from the Council and train you to defend yourself against any enemies that might appear."

"But I still need a paycheck, ma'am," I said, hastily adding the last part.

"You will be paid in more ways than one child," she said ominously. She looked up at the sky again and sighed. "It is getting late. You have much to think about." Before she hopped away on her cane, she turned back to me. "If you accept our offer of employment, come to the Nekohaten. We'll be waiting."

I waited for the old woman to disappear from sight before turning to the sky. "Whoever came up with my last name," I said loudly. "Should be shot and hung in the street."

I heard someone walking up the street behind me and quickly looked to see if they'd heard me. It was Jhim.

"What was that about?" he asked as he approached me, giving me an odd look. He almost looked worried about something. "I thought I heard Cologne earlier."

_So he's worried I did something stupid then,_ I thought to myself bitterly.

"None of your business," I said in a tone that was the equivalent of "Screw you."

Jhim shrugged. "Whatever," he muttered as he walked past me.

His unaffected attitude really bugged me for some reason. _I don't care what the others say, I don't see anything wrong with him,_ I thought to myself. "Screw this," I muttered to myself and turned around. _I'll just take the long way home. _

As I turned the corner I thought I noticed him looking over his shoulder a little, but it seemed I was imagining it.

* * *

The Liz hates this chapter with the burning passion of a thousand suns of DOOM! But she likes to mauve it, mauve it, she likes to mauve it, mauve it, MOVE IT! 


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